Sticking to it…

I am tired. It has been a busy day. I stayed up too late last night goofing off and reading the internet. Before I knew it, I was after midnight. I spent all morning over at my house painting and doing little odd jobs to get it ready. I take great satisfaction just being over there and looking around. I think, “This is my home; my very own home.” It makes me proud and excited. I like watching it come together and slowly but surely things are starting to look great. I hope to move in around Christmas if all goes as planned. My father’s illness and surgery kind of set things back a bit.

Volunteering was good today. I sometimes wonder if what little I do is helping. I do mainly secretarial type tasks. I do realize that the clinic has limited resources and my time is a valuable resource. The little tasks I do free up someone else’s resources and time to do more important things. I enjoy sitting outside and talking to the people as they sit and smoke waiting to see the doctor or a counselor. I get to hear some very interesting stories. You think you have had a hard time and then you hear people talk about their lives. It makes me realize that we all have struggles and obstacles to overcome. Some have more than others.

One thing I do like is using my sometimes vast seeming days doing something good. Before I started work on my home and started volunteering, I had huge amounts of time on my hands. I have little money and gas is expensive so I just couldn’t get out and ride around all day and go places. That meant I was stuck here at home with little to do but get on the internet and browse. I used to enjoy camping all the time but it triggers my desire to drink. Camping out was prime time drinking time for me. Maybe some day I will be able to camp again but doing so sober and still enjoy it.

Things will only get busier as I start school after Christmas. I am taking 15 semester hours and my days Monday through Thursday will be filled with class and volunteering. My nights will be spent studying I hope. I do so hope I am diligent and stick with this. My fears want to trip me up and stifle me. I fear I will not be able to transfer to Auburn; that they will not accept me in. I fear that like many times in my life I start out gung ho and eventually run out of steam. Take it one step at a time, Andrew, just one step at a time. Yes, that is going to be my mantra for the next few years.