(Warning! Profanity ahead as this is a Piggly Wiggly Groupie post!)
It had been a long day at work. I was tired and grumpy. I was out of whole milk so I stopped by the Piggly Wiggly to grab some on my way home. I needed it for my cereal in the morning. I parked the truck and got out walking towards the store. Slop made a beeline towards me.
“No!” I said as he walked up to me.
“I didn’t even ask.” Slop replied.
“I don’t give a fuck. It is still no.” I responded and kept walking past him.
“All I need be a dolla to get a drink.” He replied loudly after I had walked past him.
“No, no, no, fucking no.” I exclaimed as I turned around while I was still walking. “What part of no do you not understand?”
I was tired and not in the mood for panhandling tonight. Slop continually asks even though I have never given him a dime. It is his standard line for everybody. He walked back to his bench and left me alone. I walked into the store and was greeted by several long lines parading behind the cash registers.
“Jesus!” I muttered under my breath as I stood there and surveyed the situation.
I went into the produce section and got some bananas and made my way over to the dairy section trying to take my time hoping those lines had diminished. After checking the dates on the jugs, I found a suitable half-gallon of milk and made my way back to the front to wait my turn in line. Luckily, things started to move fast and I was soon on my way out the door. I was greeted by a surprise as I exited. It was good old George. He was parked in front of the store to show off his new rims and tires.
“Wazzup!” George hollered at me and waved for me to come over.
I walked over and stood looking at George’s greatest blunder yet.
“What ya think?” He asked.
“How much did those cost?” I asked in return.
“Dem rims and tires cost a thousand.” George replied proudly with a smirk.
George had spent a thousand dollars to put chrome rims and expensive tires on a 1981 Dodge Diplomat that is probably worth $500 bucks. I didn’t even want to know how he came into that kind of cash. I just stood there wondering what in the hell had gotten into his head to do such a thing. A thousand bucks is a lot of money.
“Dem rims is gonna bring me tha pussy.” He said and laughed while patting me vigorously on the back.
All I could think of were the nature shows I have seen in the past where male peacocks were busily and gaudily displaying their feathers for a mate. In my mind it mirrored George and his new chrome rims. I wished him the best of luck and drove on home. I couldn’t help but smile about tonight as I drove up behind the pig and towards my house.
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