A Missed Dinner Date

Every Thursday, I and my mother go out to eat for dinner. I waited around all day and she didn’t call as she normally does to confirm the time and to make sure that I am still up to it. I grew worried around five o’clock when we normally leave and called her.

“Mom?” I asked as she answered the phone. “Are you okay?”

She sounded as if she had been in the deepest of sleeps and almost as if she didn’t recognize me.

“I am fine,” She said as she slurred her words.

“Did you forget about our dinner date?” I asked.

“What about dinner?” She asked.

“Don’t you worry about it and go back to sleep,” I replied.

We both hung up. I was just glad she was okay.

Many hours later the phone rang and I waited for my answering machine to answer. It was mom and I picked up the phone.

“Listen, I am so sorry about today,” She said. “I was just feeling so tired today and forgot about tonight. You are not out done with me, are you?”

“Mom, don’t you fret about that,” I replied.

“I feel like I have let you down,” She said.

“You have not let me down,” I replied. “I enjoy our time together, but it is more important to me to know that you are okay. I was just worried about you when I called earlier and hadn’t heard anything from you all day. I wasn’t trying to pressure you to go out or anything.”

“I just didn’t feel like going out tonight,” She replied. “I am just so sleepy. I don’t feel like getting out of the house.”

A common side affect of zyprexa for schizophrenia is extreme drowsiness.

“Mom, I am just glad that I have one parent who understands what I go through,” I replied. “I understand what you go through as well.”

“I love you,” She said. “You are the only one of my children who calls me and who knows how hard it can be.”

“I love you too,” I replied. “You go back to sleep.”

“We will go to the White House next week and get some fried shrimp,” She said.

“Anything you want to do sounds fine with me,” I replied.

We both said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.

It is funny now that I am a grown man how much our relationship has changed. I never got along with this woman when I was a child and young adult. We constantly bickered and argued almost as if we were siblings. We were always at odds. Our mutual experience with schizophrenia has brought a deep understanding to our relationship and a common bond. We have become so close and supportive since my homeless days as a family outcast.

As with what happens to me, I see my mother deeply struggle some weeks and other weeks she seems to be fine. This week was one of those weeks where she has had a hard time. I refrain from judgment as I understand and I cherish those moments when she can be the mother I never had as a child.

Maybe next week, if I am patient, things will be back to normal. As with myself, hard times come and go and I also need weeks with quiet solitude and isolation. I do understand and sometimes that makes it all the harder to bear. You never wish such things upon your closest of relatives and only want the best for them.

Good night mom and sleep well. Know that a son loves you very much and truly understands what you are going through.