An Explanation

A received a kind and motivating email from someone I consider a friend who reads this blog. I also had a long and encouraging talk with my mother today over these issues and that helped as well. I wanted to take a moment to explain why I took my writings down for a few days.

The most persistent part of my illness is extreme paranoia thus why I am diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. For years, until I started getting an injection of Risperdal, I thought various nefarious entities were watching and following me. On my medication, this is drastically reduced, but from time to time I still struggle with it. It comes and goes much like the weather and I have no control of when it arrives or goes away. I often don’t realize my erroneous thinking unless a trusted outside entity “brings me back to reality” like my mother did today.

Lately, I got it into my head that various people are watching me and plotting against me through reading my blog thus my erratic behavior with this medium. The only way to dissipate the anxiety I was experiencing over this was to take down my writings and lay low for a few days until this passed. Also, the firing of a fellow blogger whom I held in high esteem also compounded these feelings of anxiety and paranoia.

Hopefully things will get back to normal in the next few days. I have done a lot of camping and testing my cold weather survival skills the past few days and have lots to write about if that subject interests you. It certainly interests me and it motivates me to try and capture the essence of my journeys in words.

On a lighter note, it is interesting to me who grandiose schizophrenia can make you. To think you are so important that a government or corporations are out to get you and are watching you. I am just a simple man living a simple life in a quiet and sleepy southern town. Why in the hell would anyone care so much as to be watching me or plotting against me? Writing this paragraph made me chuckle. I have no money; nothing of real value other than a car and shoddy home. I have nothing anybody would want to be honest.