Saint George

George goes through periods where he desires to be “born again.” This evening I had an interesting conversation with George on the merits of religion. George can talk the talk, but can’t walk the walk. He is really interested in the fact that I am an atheist and do not believe in all that claptrap. (I don’t mean to offend any of my religious readers with that last statement. Each to his own I say. Believe what you want.) I tried to capture the essence of our conversation in the following dialogue.

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I sat down on the bench in front of the Pig with my usual chocolate milk and cheese on wheat crackers. George was sitting next to me smoking a cigar and drinking a beer in a brown paper bag. Our conversation got on the subject of religion and this amused me.

“Dey be sayin’ dey ain’t no atheists in foxholes,” George said. “What did you believe when you were fightin’ dem sand niggas in Iraq?”

Long time readers will remember that George occasionally confuses me with someone else. He thinks I was a Navy Seal in Iraqi during the first Gulf War. I have never served in any armed service, but can’t argue with George about this. He gets all paranoid thinking I am covering up my goings-on in “special operations.” I usually just play along.

“George, it didn’t change my mind,” I said. “I still didn’t believe in gods and all that stuff.”

“Dem sand niggas believe in a god, don’t they?” George asked.

“It’s Allah,” I replied, “and they are Islamic.”

“Well, I don’t be knowin’ bout you, but dem niggas are goin’ to hell believin’ in dat shit,” George said.

I just kept a blank face and didn’t respond. A took another drink of my milk and ate a cracker.

“I think I be goin’ to church dis Sunday with Momma,” George said.

“What brought this on?” I asked and laughed.

“I just be gettin’ old and need to start thinkin’ bout Jesus,” George replied.

“George, you tried this born again routine once before and it didn’t last too long,” I said.

“I be serious dis time,” George replied.

We both grew quiet as George was doing some serious thinking and contemplation.

“Ain’t you worried about burning in hell?” George asked breaking the silence.

“No,” I said. “I don’t believe in all that so I have no worries.”

“Wouldn’t you rather believe and be safe,” George said. “Dat way even if there is no hell and if there could be hell you will still go to heaven.”

I never thought I would live a day where George tried to use a form of Pascal’s wager on me. I laughed and explained to George what Pascal’s wager was. It was getting kind of chilly and I decided to walk on home.

“What you going to be doing tonight, George?” I asked as I stood up to walk home.

George let a big toothy grin form on his face.

“I be getting drunk and lookin’ fo’ some pussy!” George exclaimed.

“George, I don’t think Jesus would approve of that routine,” I replied as I smiled and tried to stifle back another laugh.

“Well, I ain’t gonna be born again until Sunday so I am gonna live it up till then!” George said.

“I’ll see ya man,” I said as I walked away with a big smile on my face.

Somehow, I just don’t think George being born again is going to stick. It will be interesting to see how this goes.