Sunday, March 25, 2007

Severing the Ties to the Divine

I never made it out camping over at our pond yesterday evening. I got to chatting in a chat room and looked up hours later to find it almost dark outside. I did set my tent up in the backyard and slept in my sleeping bag last night, outside. Boy was it hot here until well after midnight. We are supposed to have a record high of 88 degrees today.
I was also pretty crazy during our marriage and wasn’t taking my medications. I was under the pretty extreme delusion that God and Jesus were talking to me and the medications would sever that tie to the divine that my schizophrenic mind so embraced during those years.
When I was married, I would pack up all my camping gear in my backpack and would just disappear on my Suzuki Bandit motorcycle out into the country sometimes. Rachel loved to argue and I didn’t, and I just couldn’t take all that bullshit in my life. Rachel had a way of nagging me about silly stuff until I felt my head was going to explode. Eventually, she would drive out into the country to my favorite haunting grounds, find me, and drag me home after a few days of me camping. I would usually call her from a payphone to let her know I was safe as well.

Those little jaunts into the woods were the only times I ever felt happy during our marriage other than our honeymoon train ride to Washington D.C. I was also pretty crazy during our marriage and wasn’t taking my medications. I was under the pretty extreme delusion that God and Jesus were talking to me and the medications would sever that tie to the divine that my schizophrenic mind so embraced during those years.

I and Rachel had a whirlwind of a relationship. I was working as a research technician in Forestry at the time for a major university. We met at my brother’s wedding. She emailed me that next Monday and we went out. I should have realized things were going too fast when we slept together just a few days later. I was Rachel’s second husband. I had never been married before and didn’t have a lot of experience with relationships. It was a new and novel experience to be so actively pursued by a woman. We were married just a few short months later and it proved to be one of the worst mistakes of my life. I ended up homeless and lost almost everything in the divorce.

Well, let me head out for my daily hike. I and Rosa are also driving down to a nearby town to eat at an all-you-can-eat Sunday buffet for lunch and I look forward to stuffing myself silly with food. I will write of that experience once I get home this afternoon. It will probably be much more interesting than this boring post. Good morning, world!

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9 comments:

Cheryl said...

Contrary to what you say, I never find any of your posts boring. And I love how much you write. It's reassuring to go to your site and so often find something new. I look forward to hearing about your day today.

kathleen said...

Have a good morning Andrew. Hope lunch will be great!

HAREKRISHNAJI said...

good blog

fiwa said...

Your posts are never boring. It's like talking to a friend. "Hey Andrew, whatcha been thinkin' about, what're ya gonna do today?"

Enjoy yourself at the buffet. I'll have to skip that post, it's back on the diet for me today!

Have a lovely day,
fiwa

Amanda said...

I hope you're having a great day Andrew!

Summer said...

Have a wonderful day!

Teronni said...

When I read it, I was thinking the same things as many others, "This post is not boring!" It is always interesting to me to read about how others process previous relationships. I think it helps me think about my own.

And I love your blog.
I'm often bored, but never here.

C. R. Morris said...

I agree, definitely not boring. You take every day situations and make them so interesting.. it's nice to get lost in blog.. especially after my two year old has just proudly handed me yet another diaper filled with poop. *sigh*

austere said...

Whenever you write about the wilderness, I remember that silver web post. That was beautiful.