The Day of the Sleepless Bum

“You look like crap,” Rosa told me as we were driving across the river headed to Roger’s Barbeque to pick up lunch.

“I only got three hours of sleep last night,” I replied defensively and blearily, lamenting that very fact.

I felt just about as bad as I looked. I hadn’t shaved and had a mid-afternoon shadow of a beard. My hair was a mess and concealed with a baseball cap. I hadn’t had a shower and was still wearing the same clothes from the previous day. I reminded myself of my less than self-caring days of my homelessness. My lackadaisical approach to life and living today was telling. I looked like a bum. I could care less though I was so tired.
I jokingly leaned my head back letting food dribble out of the side of my mouth as I rolled my eyes back up into their sockets.

“Ohhhh….” I moaned as I held my fork up towards Rosa. “I don’t feel so good. I feel crazy homicidal.”

I then burst out laughing bringing myself back to my normal demeanor.
“What do you want to eat?” I then asked Rosa as we pulled up into the parking lot and I started to get out of the car.

“Just get me the daily special,” She said. “Thanks.”

I ordered two daily specials to-go so I wouldn’t have to leave a tip and put it on my tab. We then drove back across the river to my house to eat. Maggie grew extremely excited when she realized we had company. Rosa picked up Maggie and let the dear soul start to lick her on her lips and face as Maggie wiggled vigorously in her arms. I smiled and at the same time thought how gross that was when we were about to eat.

I can’t believe I slept with this woman, I thought as I stood there and watched.

I then poured us two glasses of sweet iced tea and we sat at my kitchen table eating our delicious and filling meals from their to-go boxes.

“Your father pays for these meals, right?” Rosa asked.

“He usually gives me sixty dollars a week to eat,” I replied as I took a bite of my turkey and dressing.

“It must be nice,” Rosa said sarcastically with an air of petty jealousy in her voice.

I looked up, but ignored her petty brusqueness and continued to hungrily eat my food. I was starving after not getting breakfast this morning.

“How are your symptoms today?” Rosa then asked of my schizophrenia trying to make small talk.

I jokingly leaned my head back letting food dribble out of the side of my mouth as I rolled my eyes back up into their sockets.

“Ohhhh….” I moaned as I held my fork up towards Rosa. “I don’t feel so good. I feel crazy homicidal.”

I then burst out laughing bringing myself back to my normal demeanor.

“Shit, don’t scare me like that,” Rosa said as she laughed nervously. “I thought you were being serious and something was bad wrong. You can act weird sometimes.”

I continued to laugh heartily as I finished the last bite of my turkey.

“I feel okay,” I said bringing a serious air to my voice as I chewed the last morsel of my meal. “Despite not sleeping, amazingly, I feel okay.”

“George said the other day you see imaginary shit.”

“I often see what looks like the holograms of cats lying around everywhere around the house,” I replied. “It happens more when I am under stress.”

“No shit?” Rosa said.

“No shit,” I replied as I smiled, glad that wasn’t happening today.

“I can’t imagine seeing stuff that isn’t there,” Rosa said wistfully.

“It not fun,” I replied as I then stood at the sink washing our silverware and drinking glasses. “That is why I have to take medications.”

“I admire you,” Rosa said. “Despite all that you have going on mentally, you still have an upbeat attitude and are an all around cool and caring person. You can joke about it. You would think most schizophrenics are so crazy they can only think of themselves.”

“Thanks,” I said as I smiled warmly. “I appreciate the compliment. I just wish my father felt that way.”

Rosa soon left to walk back into to town to do what Rosa normally does. I think I am going to go crawl into the bed and see if sleep will overcome me. I feel as if I could sleep for weeks on end I am so tired. Here’s to hoping beautiful and sexy voluptuous women will visit me in my dreams in a moment. The more the merrier. That would be much better than the vivid medication induced nightmares I’ve had recently. Good day.