Violent storms rolled through last night keeping me awake until well after midnight. The wind blew the rain up against my storm windows making me feel as if I were caught in a hurricane. I finally went to sleep to thunderous booms of thunder. I awoke early this morning and decided to catch Ferret down at his campsite before he would get out and about. I walked into Ferret's camp just as he was cooking something over an open fire like some hobo from the long forgotten past.
"You hungry?" he asked.
I looked in the pot to smell a mix of cream of mushroom and chicken soup according to Ferret. It looked vile to me.
"No thanks," I said. "I cooked a big breakfast at home."
Ferret then asked me to walk across the road and buy us some beer as long as I wouldn't disappear again. I assured him his money was in capable hands. I visited the little convenience store run by the Middle Eastern men who speak broken English. I bought a twelve pack of Milwaukee's Best Ice and carried it back to Ferret's campsite. We both sat drinking until the beer was gone with Ferret drinking far more than me.
"I envy you," I told him.
"Why?" Ferret asked with a confused look upon his face.
The alcohol was coursing through my blood stream coloring my thoughts. I was still kind of drunk from the night before.
"You don't have a care in the world other than what you will eat or when to buy your next beer," I replied.
A big grin formed on Ferret's face at my bragging on him. Ferret is a simple soul.
"It sure is damn hot, though," he finally said, eating his soup from a plastic bowl.
It was such a picturesque setting us sitting there by the river. The morning cicadas were calling. The sun shone through the trees at a morning angle. The only mar was the harsh smell of the river that reminded me of rotting fish. I wanted to spend the rest of my life caught in this moment. My anxiety of many weeks has melted away.
"What are you doing today?" I then asked him.
"Hanging out at the shopping center," Ferret replied. "George is bringing a couple of bottles of Wild Irish Rose."
That sounded so tempting. It had been so long since I've had a listless day of hanging out down there.
"Okay if I tag along?"
"Meet us after lunch," Ferret said.
The plans for the day are set. I am going to grab a shower, play some Warcraft and then pack a lunch for me and Rosa as we go sit over at the shopping center for a few hours. It is going to be a grand day.
14 comments:
So Rosa knows that you're drinking again?
Please don't drive though..not worth it..promise?
drink if you must, but please please please don't drive.
Okay, I'm done sounding like your mom..
have a great sultry steamy day Andrew!
Always,
Crusty~
Why are you drinking again??????
Drink up!!! Take a drink for me!!!!
Andrew, I was going to post this a few posts back, but felt I should enjoy the read and keep my nose out. Here goes:
The feelings you are going through now are because of the committment you have made to Rosa. You are feeling corner and over whelmed. This is normal. Most men want to jump ship even when they love the woman very much. They don't want to feel trapped. Just breath. Go slow. Tell Rosa. She knows you well and will understand your need to go slowly. Believe me, she would rather take is slow than to have you drinking and flirting with homelessness.
I am a mother of a teenage alcoholic and I beg you on my hands and knees, please do not drink. Your too beautiful of a soul to end up like ferret. Think of Maggie and Rosa. Think of the moments on your porch. Think of the saftey your home provides. Think of whatever you need to so you do not drink. Please.
Ok...I'm off my soap box, but I'm not done worrying.
umm... by the way, did you know your friend Annabel is in the path of a pretty strong hurricane? it is a cate 4 and is suppose to be a 5 soon if not already. I haven't checked her blog yet today since I always come to yours first, but she hasn't poosted since the 15th. That was before Erin came through. It was suppose to be pretty bad for Texas. Now they have Dean bearring down on them. Do you have her number to make sure she is ok?
Oh Andrew - I agree with ~Vital~ 100%. As my son is a 37 yr old alcoholic, I know what I'm talking about too. Andrew...please start loving yourself and stop the abuse. I know you hate AA but they know what they are doing. They saved my uncle's life. Please use your wonderful writing ability and tell us why you want to drink again. You are at the top of a downhill spiral...stop and walk away before you slide down any further. Don't envy Ferret. Try and think of WHY you want to envy him and maybe you'll find the key to why you don't love yourself. I, too, will be worrying about you....just like I do my own son.
I felt sad when I read that you're drinking still today. If the shoe was on the other foot, and Rosa decided to have a slip up and bring home some crack for a day or two and maybe hooking a couple of times for old times sake. I wonder what kind of feelings that would conjure up for you, my blogging friend. Ferrets freedom and "not a care in the world" lifestyle come with some pretty heavy price tags, which I am not sure you're seeing clearly right now.
Be safe and take care of yourself, Andrew. I'm sending you peaceful thoughts.
Hugs....
C.A.
Andrew...I read your blog everyday and love your writing. It saddens me to see you drinking again. Please try and stay strong. Do what I do when I want a drink...take a long long walk.
You've been so strong for so long. I've read about you walking away from so many risky situations, working so hard to fight the strong urges to drink. Just stop. Remove yourself from those situations, those friends. You can stop this drinking by putting yourself in a healthy environment. We all care about you too much to watch you go into a downward spiral. You CAN do it.
It's hard...my son is an alcoholic and I know what he has gone through to stay sober for the last 2 years. Please attend an AA meeting...talk to someone. You have so many people who care for you and so much going for you.
Andrew
Please, Please stop the drinking. I know that things may be hard for you now but you WILL come out strong without the drinking. I am so worried that you will not stop. It saddens my heart to heard how you are drinking. We as your readers are also like family even though we may not know you personnaly but we know you very well through your postings. Please Please stop for us (your readers, Rosa, Maggie).
If you need to write or talk to someone you should rely on those who care about you. You have come so far so please lets not take the same journey again. Remember we should live the past in the past.
Keep your head clear and strong.
Melissa
You have a great deal of people on your side andrew, that has to make you feel incredible!!
Just remember, stop drinking for yourself, and not just because other people are against it because of your past with it-do it for you..
ALways always always,
Crusty~
Alcohol will take its toll. It's a cruel liquid indeed. High blood pressure, diabetes, cirrohsis of the liver, etc. You won't be writing romantic posts on those I assure you.
Bail on the drink bud. You're a great writer though, keep the posts coming!
:-( Please fight this. You are worth so much more.
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