Time seems so sped up -- another Christmas already. I don't remember much about last Christmas other than I got a camera. I remember it was a tumultuous time with me and my father at odds. I think I was drinking, but those times in my life are all a blur. It is funny how we can have a selective memory about such times.
This year things are much more pleasant. I am settled in my own nice and very cozy home. I have a glorious little Christmas tree that brings me joy every time I step into my den. Most of all I am sober. There haven't been too many Christmases in my adult years that I wasn't rushing home to get away from my family to take a nerve calming drink. I self medicated to get through the holidays. I am trying to change that self fulfilling prophecy this year.
"This is going to be your first 'normal' Christmas in years," my father told me last night.
I agreed. Things have gotten off to a good start.
"Are you sure you want curtains for Christmas?" Dad then asked me.
We both laughed.
"It is something I can't afford and would complete the inside of my house," I replied. "I think that is a pretty 'normal' thing to ask for."
My father gave me an embracing hug and told me goodnight.
"I'm proud of you," he said. "You've come a long way this year."
I shut the door feeling so good. I don't care how old you get, but your father telling you he is proud will make you beam with pride and joy. It is going to be a good holidays.
13 comments:
I am glad you are in the holiday spirit. I hope this Christmas is all you hope it to be.
Let us keep our fingers crossed throughout the holiday season. Schizophrenia can sometimes have its own energy and holiday plans but this year should be good all around.
Dont even allow "Schizophenia" or any other negative thought permeate your wonderful Christmas spirit this year. Surround yourself with the positive thoughts and influences, and disregard the negative. I believe in the new you, and rejoice in it's coming!
Enjoy this day
B~
Andrew, may the healing power of love touch you and your father's relationship this Christmas season! Thanks so much for sharing - your writing is truly a heartfelt blessing
This post made me smile.
What color curtains?
Time (like reality) can be subjective. For me, the days have flown by ever since I had kids. Now I'm trying to quit smoking and they are suddenly creeping by again.
I'm glad you have a settled feeling about you this Christmas. I hope it's a wonderful holiday season!!
I hope you have a Christmas that be so great that you will always look forward to Christmas from now on. I agree, your tree is great! We are moving into our new-to-us house this weekend and I can't wait to put the tree up. So I think curtains are GREAT for Christmas!
You are so right, no matter how old we are, we want our parents to be proud of us.
Very touching...
Lena
Wow... your father said he was proud of you!!! I know how good that felt, it is something we can never hear enough. Mark that one on the calendar, and let it help give you strength and courage to get all the way thru New Year's sober and content! You HAVE come a long, long way, and I am proud to call you my friend!
What a special moment to have. I agree, I think we all strive to hear that eventually.
I just wrote you a comment and X'd out of it instead of hitting publish. Whew. I know how important parents are. They are to me. Yes, this is a different kind of Christmas. Every day I hope it's a good one for you. I'm always rooting for you and will be one of your biggest fans, always.
That is the best comment you can get from a parent. :)
Good Morning & Merry Christmas!
-Michelle
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