It seems my life is forever a series of waits on medications. It is maddening. Just like some crazy addiction like heroin/methadone. I am also completely at the whims of family and friends on when I will get these medications. It seems like this never-ending circle and I am always along for the ride. I will feel really well for a few hours after I take my medications and then I start to go down hill for yet another day and yet another long wait. It is almost like an addictive cycle, yet I have no control over this cycle. I used to could just go buy a beer to quell my addictive tendencies.
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3 comments:
You are experiencing obsessive thinking. You do it around the meds, food, what your father thinks of you, Maggie etc...
It's a part of the spiritual malady of addiction. Why is it that you choose to not attend AA anymore?
Christina, to be honest to you. I can't grasp there being a high power or some greater nebulous good that takes away the urge to drink. If it would work for me, I would be in an chair in an AA meeting hall tonight.
I was always told that the Higher Power could be anything: the group itself, even. Your own higher self. Nature.
I don't know that the HP itself takes away anything. What works is that you believe you do not have to live in bondage to an addictive substance, and that you are willing to do what it takes to break that cycle: following the 12 steps and not drinking/using, one day (or minute or however long you can manage) at a time. You show up at meetings to listen to the stories that are told there that make you feel a little less alone. You don't drink or use even when you want to because you want to stop living and feeling the way you do when you do drink/use. And if you do, you go to a meeting because everyone there knows how it feels, and gives you support to try again.
You work at ditching the stinking thinking .... And if they are honest, the group and/or a sponsor can help you recognize it and call you out when you persist in it.
No magic is going to take away the urge to use. You do that. Call it a Higher Power or not. It is YOU who must do the work.
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