"May you live long and prosper!"
I couldn't shed a tear for him either.
One devastating and crippling impact of my psychotropic medications is that many mental health medications can severely blunt your emotions and feelings. I want to cry for an event and I want to lament, but it just won't happen. I just get that 1000 yard stare of extreme complacency going on.
"Each to his own," I told my father about my demeanor. "We each and all mourn in our own special way."
Dad had said to me today that I had a very cavalier demeanor about my mother's death. I explained to him what was happening and then he was fine with it and very understanding. A lot of people, like me, are besieged by a lack of sexual drive as well (we won't go there, though). There is certainly a price for sanity to be paid with many of these modern atypical antipsychotics.
5 comments:
I wondered how you were coping with your mothers death...I know you loved her and you were very caring for her. You will miss her as your secretary. You will now have to be responsible for things she did for you...I'm sure you will do fine.
Thank you, for sharing this. I too wondered how you were doing emotionally. I learned that being able to cry, helps to relieve depression and helps with healing. I am not sure how the situation with your medications will impact your healing from your loss. It will be interesting to see. In the five stages of grief, there are certain time frames, with latitude for how long each phase takes for individual people.
I am not a public cry-er and was worried about my fathers funeral when he passed away 9 years ago. Worried about how people would react to my reaction (or lack there of) and what my siblings would think...my brother while we were driving to the service turned around and handed me a handkerchief and said just in case but you know Dad would prefer you not need it. That was the best thing anyone said to me all day! Don't worry about how you grieve it is a very personal thing and everyone is different. I am glad your Dad understood. Medicines are a necessary evil at times and the side affects can be inconvenient. My thoughts, love and prayers have been and continue to be with you and your family.
I totally understand. When I was on Zoloft I found that while it kept me on an even keel, it also blunted some of my emotional responses. That being said, remember that everyone grieves in their own way, what's right for one person isn't right for the next. Also, you're probably still in a bit of shock and haven't fully processed it yet. I'm sure your Dad understands.
I just caught up on the blog and I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. Sending you thoughts and prayers.
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