From the Horses Mouth...

Jermaine matter of factly told me tonight from his hov-a-round that I need to drink tea instead of the four gallons of whole milk I drink every week.

"That's why your gaining weight," he said perfunctorily weighing probably 300 pounds himself.

Dad came walking around the corner as Jermaine and I stood by the cold cuts talking.

"Shit!" dad said rather venomously. "We are in a race against the clock and you got caught by Jermaine."

We were trying to get all my groceries before 10:00 PM and the regular lanes with cashiers closed. Our only option to check out then would be the self-checkout lanes.

My only impulse buy was a quart of Promised Land chocolate milk. That stuff is heavenly if you love chocolate and milk like I do.

"You didn't get any frozen meals," my father alarmingly exclaimed as we were checking out.

"It's a sandwich-themed week," I told him. "I got over ten dollars in cold cuts and sandwich bread."

As we were leaving, dad helped me put the groceries in the back of my car.

"Head on home," he said. "I am going back inside to get you some beefaroni and frozen meals. I will see you at your house."