Your Light! There in the Darkness...

I came close to calling Jane last night. I picked up the phone. Dialed about four numbers and then I hung up in fear. What would I say? That I am some washed up 45-year-old man that has to ask permission to buy a Coke and some candy at the convenience store? Would she understand that if we didn't do this I was going to die an early and painful death -- if not on the road drinking and driving then of cirrhosis of the liver? I certainly couldn't quit drinking without help and stable living arrangements.   And then there is my mental illness which I medicated with alcohol for years. We've finally gotten me mostly stable on my current medication regimen. It has taken years of trial and error with different drugs and different psychiatrists.

I need a friend and would just like to have a companion to go out to eat with like it was with Laura a few years ago. We had no romantic inclinations and just enjoyed each other's company. She ran off to live with Wayne and that didn't go so well. We've lost touch over the years mostly due to my phone phobias and never answering the phone. Old Fuss and Feathers has to ring twice for me to call him back. Charlie rings three times.

Oh hell, I am blessed beyond measure life wise. I am going to evoke my Auschwitz Mantra yet once again. It is 13 degrees outside right now and I am toasty warm ensconced in my little home. Maggie is laying at my feet and softly snoring -- content as can be after some fresh tuna for supper. Next week, I am getting my 500 Mbps Internet installed. My father talked to Darrell today. That just thrills me to death and gives me something to look forward to.  Yes, I am blessed. I just want someone to share it with.