Give and take, finding a balance………

This is a continuance of my post from yesterday. I am still on that line of thinking. As I was taking a shower earlier, it came to me that I have learned a few things lately. I have to unlearn certain things and learn others and it can be painful and hard. It can leave you feeling full of turmoil inside and not knowing what step to take next.

Most people seem to take social situations with aplomb. My father has this innate ability to befriend and talk to almost anyone. My brother and sister share this trait as well. Somehow I missed out on getting this gene or ability. I have always felt awkward in social situations even in my earliest days. I was always a loner and could adequately fill my time as a child and young adult. As I grew older, I turned to alcohol to fill the void that should have been filled with friends and family.

I am learning the art of give and take lately. Before, I always took and didn’t ever give. It never dawned on me what was happening. I just didn’t see it. I was oblivious to it. I had this certain set of survival skills and used them. It was all I knew how to cope with.

Now, I am learning that a family and friendships are deeply dynamic relationships. There is this balance of give and take that must be carefully considered. A friend who always takes and never gives is a short lived friend indeed. A family member who wants attention in times of need but never relents and gives his attention when other family members need it soon fades as an important member of the family. They are seen as selfish and aloof. Always wanting something and never giving in return. This lesson was one of the hardest lessons I have learned in recent months.

When I am tired and hungry and a friend or family member stops by, I have to take the time to be there for them. I have to put my immediate needs aside and be there for them. They in turn, if they are a true friend, will do the same for me somewhere down the line. It’s this delicate balance of give and take that so miffed me for years. It took a hard lesson in hard luck for me to realize this. To most people this would seem elementary but to someone like me with social anxiety and a mental illness it is like learning to walk all over again. Taking one baby step at a time and learning to stand on both feet.