Staying sober…..

I have enjoyed reading James’s stories and his getting recovery from alcoholism. It is good to see the program of AA actually working for someone.

Now that I am in full control of my financial responsibilities, I have been struggling so hard with wanting to drink. I want to drink out of boredom and to make myself feel better. I know deep in my heart that it will not make me feel better but worse.

I have had a few slips lately that I have not written about. I didn’t want to show weakness and that I may be falling into my old trap of alcoholism. If I started to drink again than I would ruin everything I have worked so hard for lately. My family and friends would slowly disappear. I would loose my home and all the things I hold dear to me.

I just made a phone call with a shaky voice to and acquaintance that I knew of whom helps organize the local AA meetings. We talked for a long time and I told him what I have been going through. He urged me to come to a meeting tonight and start back in the program. I am scared to death but I agreed to go.

It is a long walk to the meeting house and takes about an hour to get there. I am going to go though and I will just listen to my radio to make the long walk easier. I do not want to fall back into the schedule of constant drinking like when I was homeless. I am going to do what it takes to keep my life on course.