I want to go home……

I want to go back to my house. That place I lived in for years. I want to see my cat and dog. I want to go to sleep with my wife beside my side. I want to wrap up in the bed I called mine for years and just drift asleep. I want to hear her snore and snort during the night.

I am having a bad night. I have thought long and hard how to change her mind. I do not want to be alone. I want to share my life with someone special.

I will go to AA. I will start rehabilitation. I will work hard. I want my family back. I am so torn and confused tonight.

I just want someone in my life who loves me. I want to wake up on those mornings and make love. I want to cook and take care of her. I want to keep the house clean. I struggle with this so. It is not fair. I didn’t ask to be sick. I want to be normal. I wanted to be a good husband. To pay the bills and make the hard decisions with wisdom. Those decisions a husband and good man must make.

I am having a pity party tonight. I know my ex-wife can be a bitch but I love her so much. I miss her. I want her in my life.

We talk everyday but I want to make things right. I want to be a good man and take care of her. I feel so inadequate. I want to someday be wealthy and take care of all her needs. I want to buy her a nice car and pay off the mortgage. I want so much and yet I sit here without. I can only see about my basic needs such as food and healthcare.

One day, I will be rich. I am going to be this wealthy man that pays off all her debts and sees that she is seen about. Her home will be paid for. Our home. My house I miss so much. She will be a made woman. I swear by this. It is my goal.