Life is complicated…..

I still haven’t left for my camping trip. Alaine called me and told me her Aunt Mabel was killed in a car wreck. She always thought of her as her grandmother as her parent’s had her very late in life. She asked to come over and I told her to get over here as soon as possible.

I was at a loss for words. My medication can sometimes blunt my emotions. I felt for her though and I held her. I am such a big guy and she is so small. I felt as if I was holding this delicate flower in my arms and I didn’t want to crush it. I held her for a long time and she lead me to the bed. We laid there for what seemed like an eternity holding each other. I held her long and hard and she seemed to get better. She cried and I just did my best to be there. I just caressed her hair and kissed her on the forehead many times. I didn’t know what else to do.

Life turns and trials can go so unexpected. Life sucks sometimes. I hate these things and life is just not fair. We all struggle with things and to make our lives better and sometimes despite our best efforts it all goes wrong. I am such a cynical person now. I want back my innocence. That innocence I was afforded in my youth.

I do not feel right going camping now. I feel it would be selfish under such conditions. I will just stay here and be available for her to call if she needs to talk. I will just deal with my boredom tonight. I will just cook my chicken in the stove. I am going to sit by the phone for a bit and make sure she got home okay.