Grumpy Lives Up To His Namesake

I had one of those grumpy old men, “you kids, get off my lawn!” moments this morning and was feeling ostentatious. A young African American male is courting my next door neighbor’s daughter recently. Apparently, he is picking her up and taking her to work. The past few mornings have entailed a harrowing experience of what I call “sprinkler music” that is dispersed with an occasional booming bass note that literally shakes the very foundation of my home. I call it “sprinkler music” due to the fact that the continually repeating treble tone sounds like an old fashioned lawn sprinkler going off.

I realize that this music, for most males of this persuasion, is akin to a male peacock strutting around the farm yard and displaying his elaborate feathers to entice potential mates. I just wish they had a quieter way of getting a piece of ass. I could literally see concentric circles form in the center of the coffee in my mug this morning and radiate out to the edge due to the vibrations.

I walked outside after putting on some clothes and stepped across the street to his car with my coffee mug in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The music continued to blare loudly. I managed to make it to his car without him noticing and knocked furiously on his passenger’s side window after putting the cigarette in my mouth. The music fell abruptly silent and he rolled down the passenger’s side window.

“Dude, do you think you could tone it down for a bit and turn it down?” I asked. “The shit you are playing loudly has been driving me crazy every morning for the past few days.”

“Shit dawg, I didn’t mean to be dissin’ you.” He said.

(dissin’ or dissing = disrespecting)

“No problem, man,” I said. “It doesn’t bother me at night, but seven fucking ‘o’ clock in the morning is a bit early, don’t you think?”

He was just a teenager so I couldn’t be too harsh. I did some incredibly stupid shit during my teen years so I understood. I just wanted to drink my morning coffee without trying to read the signs in the concentric circles that were being vibrated into it.