The Blogger Blues

I sometimes get aggravated with my blog as I get the notion that it is an addiction of mine. I get these hankerings to just walk away and never post again but I always find myself writing yet another post. I only have a hand full of people reading so why should it matter? Do I enjoy it? I enjoy when something interesting in my life happens and I get to chronicle it with words and share it. Writing is not a burden to me. I sit down at the computer and in a matter of minutes a post for my blog is born. It doesn’t feel like work. If it felt like work then I assure you this blog would be idle and not updated everyday.

Then why do I find something distasteful about it? Is it the voyeurism I think it promotes in readers? Is it the egoism that is required by the author to think that what you have to write is really meaningful and worth a shit? I don’t know. I struggle with this from time to time.

I do know that there are few blogs I read that I immensely enjoy and they are not well read authors. Two blogs I just visited left me thinking some pretty weighty thoughts and fascinated me. I will probably mull over the ideas they presented all day in deep thought. It is these times that I want to sit in front of this computer and write inspired by the works of others. I am not friends with these people and they probably don’t even know I exist except for a number being displayed on the site counter, but I feel a tangible link to the authors. I have grown to be fascinated with their lives and the ideas and thoughts they expound. Maybe that is what brings me back to blog everyday; the hope that maybe a few people will find enjoyable something that I enjoy producing

Maybe I should think of blogging as a hobby. Hobbies are something that are healthy, enjoyable, and help us pass idle time. I love Model Railroading and would probably have a sizable miniature rail empire if my income wasn’t so limited. I enjoy that hobby vicariously through the pages of Model Railroader Magazine that I receive every month. I get to experience it through the work and art of others. I guess I will try to think of blogging as a hobby from now on to try and quell my uneasiness about it.