I invariably get asked this quite often by family friends and relatives I haven’t seen in quite a while. Lately, I respond with, “I am retired” and do not elaborate any more upon the subject. Most people are too polite to press the issue any further and will leave it at that with confused looks upon their faces. They think, “How can a 33 year old man be retired?”
I used to feel a supreme amount of guilt over this issue. I, like everyone else, fell into that trap of equating my social status and worth with some 9 to 5 job. After much soul searching and many beers, I came to the conclusion that I have just as much a right to exist and to be happy even if I didn’t have a “productive” job in the traditional sense. My “job” is to make the best of this short life I have been granted despite all my limitations.
I have the unenviable position of having a mental illness that is a pretty solid excuse for me not working full time. For me to stay somewhat sane and healthy, I have to live a laid back and simple life. Still people cannot understand or grasp this concept. They think that recovery from my mental illness means that I should inevitably rejoin the work force and flip burgers for a pittance. My recovery hinges directly on me NOT having to do such menial things just to survive. My temporary sanity would digress into paranoia and mental exhaustion.
A lot of the time, I sense a great deal of fear and anxiety over this issue when it is brought up. Issues such as the threat of losing your health insurance or your home; the issue of losing your social status or the prestige your job affords you; there is also the seldom talked about issue of your job being a direct reflection of how good or how supportive a parent you will make. You don’t see women lined up down at the unemployment office looking for potential mates now do you?
One of the most liberating times of my life was when I let go of all that fear and anxiety. I no longer cared what others thought as far as employment equating to social status. I no longer worried if I would keep health insurance. (Most health insurance is terrible at paying psychiatric costs anyways. I pay the majority of it out of my pocket.) From my homeless experiences, I knew I could survive if I had to without a traditional home. I see so much fear and anxiety in our current society and it pains me and baffles me. I see all this fear and anxiety as a way for those in power to control us to keep us consuming and productive. I see so many people living dull and meaningless lives full of drudgery and “group-think” and it saddens me.
Yes, I live way below the poverty line. I cannot afford to shop often nor can I afford to drive around constantly in my car. I have been affording one thing due to the simplicity of my life and that is true freedom. I wouldn’t trade this freedom for any amount of money or security in the world. I will close with a quote from a book that changed much of my outlook on life.
"In short, I am convinced, both by faith and experience, that to maintain one's self on this earth is not a hardship but a pastime, if we will live simply and wisely; It is not necessary that a man should earn his living by the sweat of his brow, unless he sweats easier than I do."
-- Henry David Thoreau
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