Look Out! It’s Mom on the Road!

“My new car is making a strange noise when I take the key out of the ignition to get out,” mom said on the phone last night worried, afraid to tell my father. “It’s a buzzing sound. It has been doing it all afternoon. I was almost afraid to drive it all day today.”

I was due for work in an hour, but decided to drive over anyway – worried something was bad wrong with mom’s new Civic. Mom had the garage door up and ready for me when I arrived. I immediately knew what the problem was when I pulled up behind mom’s parked car. Her parking lights were on and the buzzing sound was the car telling her she left her lights on when she took her key out.

“Don’t tell your father!” mom pleaded with me. “I feel so stupid! I can’t believe I had left the lights on. I don’t remember turning them on. They must have been on all day!”

Earlier in the day, mom and I took a long drive down through the Valley again as has become our daily custom after my therapy appointment. She came within inches of slamming into a big Dodge Ram truck. It would have been an airbag moment. 

“Holy Shit!” I exclaimed as mom swerved to miss it. “That was so close!”

My heart was just racing a hundred miles an hour after the incident.  Mom’s hands were shaking violently as she gripped the steering wheel. It seems mom is not going to be able to drive much longer – at least not extended visits through the traffic in town. She will be 66 this March. I am going to drive her to Connie’s down in Auburn next week fearing her driving that long drive down the interstate would prove disastrous. Hopefully, she will still be able to drive to her three hair appointments each week with them being just a half mile from home.  But dad and I are going to have to make a more concerted effort at getting her around. This means lots of doctor’s appointments and waiting in lobbies. I could always just drop her off and she could call me on her cellphone when she is ready to come home I guess. I am also going to do all the driving on our daily trips through the Valley from now on.

Getting Into My Mind…

“Today is the first day I have felt anxiety in over a week,” I told my Therapist somewhat proudly yesterday morning during our therapy session.

“What’s the big change today?” she asked as she studiously looked over my anxiety workbook carefully and all my short notations for this week and last.

“The stress of getting all the way down here,” I replied, feeling that was the most likely culprit. “It is a long drive and the traffic was just absolutely crazy coming down the interstate and within Auburn. I wish you were closer. I don’t much care for driving these days.”

“That’s understandable and normal,” she said as she closed my workbook and folded her hands in her lap.

“So, what else is going on with you?” she asked, trying to lead the conversation after a lull.

“Insomnia,” I replied, exasperated. “I am having the most awful and terrible time sleeping. I sleep in spurts for about three hours at a time, then I am up wide awake again. I repeat this throughout the day. I constantly feel tired not getting eight uninterrupted hours of sleep.”

I told her I am still taking my Ambien which makes me feel groggy somewhat, but I fear I have grown chemically resistant to the Klonopin – those pills doing nothing for me as far as rest goes. They used to make me feel so relaxed and comfortable.  I would enjoy lying in the bed as I felt them take effect. Now, I feel nothing when I take my three for the day as I go to bed. We both agreed to talk to my doctor at the end of September at my next appointment. It is common to grow resistant to benzodiazepines she told me.

“How is your new position going?” she then asked very inquisitively and eagerly after I told her about my new job.

“I love it!” I replied very honestly with much enthusiasm. “I love working nights. My job is very stress free. The night’s are so quiet. I have a passion for electronics and enjoy sharing it with my customers – the few I have.”

“Well, that certainly helps to love your job,” my therapist replied with a smile of encouragement. “You have come so far since our first visits. You’re one of my success stories.”

That made me feel so good with her saying that.

I left therapy for my usual custom of breakfast at Hardee’s as I browsed the web wirelessly with my iPad as I sat and ate – those two steak biscuits being a delicious treat. 

iPad Ruminations…

Don’t worry Apple fans, I am still enjoying my iPad as an internet browsing machine and a media server. I also use it a lot to keep up with the weather for which I am obsessed with, but it is no substitute for my laptop as far as computing at work goes. My favorite use for my iPad is to lay in bed and browse – it being so small, light and convenient. I can’t blog with it, though, I have found which is one of my primary computer uses these days. I realize it is just a very expensive toy. This is an observation and not a criticism mind you. It will never replace my desktop or my laptop for most of my daily computer uses since I am a power user as far as computers go.

Free HDTV!

I clocked in tonight and immediately made a purchase of my own. I purchased a digital optical toslink cable for my HDTV after learning last night I could still get my basic HDTV channels without my cable box. I was overjoyed last night when I reprogrammed my HDTV and it picked up many digital channels that the cable company must allow for free by law since they are available over the air with an antenna. I can’t wait to get home to see if I have Dolby digital surround sound with the channels and the digital optical hookup.

Work has been slow other than that. I’ve had a few people browsing cellphones tonight and asking lots of questions about service plans. These plans are commitments and can get expensive. That’s why the phones are so cheap to purchase. The cell companies make all their money on the service plans which subsidizes the cost of all but the most popular and expensive phones.

One man asked me a question that stumped me about his Charter digital cable service. I have Knology at home and have no idea about Charter. I told him to call his cable company when he got home. He wanted to know if his digital cable had Dolby digital surround sound. I told him I doubted it from my own experiences with Knology’s digital cable. Only the HDTV channels had true surround sound. The digital channels would be in stereo, but it would only be Dolby Pro Logic surround – a big difference from Dolby digital which is true 5.1 surround.

Dating and Women…

Jim showed up on his lunch break at three as usual.

“You always make me so hungry with those deli sandwiches,” I told him with a smile as I rung him up. “They look delicious!”

“What’s going on with you tonight?” Jim asked.

“The usual,” I replied. “Stocking items and cleaning and straightening shelves.”

“That’s my job,” Jim told me. “That’s what I do for eight hours every night in the grocery department. I loathe it!”

We didn’t discuss politics or religion tonight much to my relief. We talked about women for a change, and it was a nice change.

“I’ve never been married,” he told me. “But I’ve dated a lot of women.”

I can’t imagine a woman being interested in Jim. To be frank, he is quite frumpy and disheveled looking every night. I guess there is a woman for every man it seems. I smiled at the thought of some of the women Jim might have dated over the years.

My dating life has been put on hold for the time being with me working nights. Stacey is entirely not happy with it either. We do try to get together every night for supper which I prepare, but we don’t get to go out to eat which she so adores. She misses us sleeping nights together as well and our nightly ritual of lying in the bed as we browse the web. I don’t know much what to do about it, but hope for the best. Maybe a position in days will open up in the next few months, but I am not getting my hopes up. I doubt Derrick will be quitting soon. He has worked in electronics for years.

An Email from a Reader…

Hi Jonathon,
I've been a long-time reader but don't comment much.

I wonder if you can give me some advice?  It is computer/web-site related.

Recently my grandson stayed with me for about a month. While here, he found this website:

http://www.letbobwatchthis.org/index.php?sort=featured&page=8

and he watched about 4 scary/zombie type movies on it and a couple new movies that are still in the theaters at this time.  He said he did not download anything, did not join anything....no names exchanged, no passwords required.....but he enjoyed the movies in their entirety, although some of them weren't the best quality. I have excellent virus protection as well as a firewall and it did permit him to go there.  I've scanned my system several times since and I did not pick up any viruses or spyware from the site.

My question is......Can this be legal?  My dad always told me "there is no free lunch" and I am suspicious. Remember all the trouble those people got into from songs on Napster?  My grandson says its "streaming" and since you're not downloading anything and only watching without keeping it, its not illegal.  Is this true?  Do you know?  I'm afraid to go back there.

Thanks for any help you can give me. I love reading your blog.....you are such an inspiration to so many. Do you have any idea how many people look up to you?  God Bless you and yours.

Reader, your dad was right. There is no free lunch and this website is doing this illegally. If it is too good to be true, then it probably is.  Since it is streaming, you are less likely to get sued than the offending website. You just can’t own a copy of the movies in question. 

This brings me to something I have been saying for years – that these media companies have got to start making these movies and music easily available online for purchase to skirt piracy. I quit downloading music illegally when iTunes arrived on the scene. It was convenient and economical. Anytime I wanted an album or song, I could easily go to iTunes and download it. It was easier than searching on Pirate Bay and going through bittorrent to download it for free. That whole piracy process was a hassle and it stopped when I had an easily viable way to get music on the Internet at .99 cents per song.

Internet Explorer 9 Beta Started Yesterday…

The beta for IE9 started yesterday. You can download it at Microsoft’s homepage. So far, I like it. It is a much quicker and more responsive browser than IE8 or IE7. Hopefully, Microsoft will be as adept at updating as Mozilla is about Firefox. I tried to like Firefox, but found the download manager entirely not to my liking. 

A Man of My Own Heart…

“Can I help you?” I asked enthusiastically as a young man walked into my department around midnight.

“I need help!” the young man said with a warm smile. “I want a small LCD television and want to hook up all my televisions and cable Internet in one room using the single cable line coming in from the floor.”

“I can help you with that!” I replied, getting to work.

We walked over to the aisle with all the cables. I got him a five way 2400 MHz cable splitter and plenty of RG-6 shielded cable line – perfect for keeping the integrity of his cable Internet signal.

“What kind of TV are you looking for?” I then asked as we walked over to all the display models.

“Something around 27 inches to 32 inches,” he said. “I don’t mind spending money. I want something nice with high definition capability.”

I explained to him the pros and cons of some of our models and we finally decided on a Sharp 32” model. He was pleased and so was I to be able to help. It is customers like this that make my job a joy – sharing my enthusiasm for all things electronic.

“Can I hook up my iPod to my home theater?” he then asked.

“That is easy!” I replied as we walked back over to the cable aisle and I showed him the cable he needed.

“I can’t wait to get home and get this all hooked up!” he replied with an enthusiasm that warmed my heart.

The sale was over $600 dollars and he put it on his Visa card.

A Moderate Am I…

“What are your political leanings?” Jim asked me tonight as he ate his sandwich at my counter.

I’ve been very obtuse about my politics with regards to Jim – choosing just to stay incognito.

“I am a moderate,” I finally replied.

“Is there even a moderate party?” Jim asked.

“If there are Libertarians, then I am sure there is a moderate party,” I replied.

“Why choose a party that will never get in office?” he asked. “It is a wasted vote.”

“No vote is ever wasted,” was my reply. “I believe in meeting in the middle in compromise. The extremes of our two party system are what is wrong with modern politics in America. We can never come to a consensus.”

I gave Jim much food for thought. He didn’t deride me very much as I was expecting. He is very outspoken and a staunch Republican with extremist leanings so I expected to get an ear full.

“Who did you vote for in the last election?” Jim then asked.

“I voted Democrat. Obama,” I replied. “I had great hopes for Obama changing the country for the better, but so far he has disappointed me. It is politics as usual on Capitol Hill.”

“That’s what you get for voting for a democrat,” Jim blurted with a smirk.

I just sighed and wished we could talk about the weather or work. Anything, but politics.

5am and Another Day of Gathering Carts has Started…

I just walked out to check on George. Mrs. Florene had just dropped him off and he clocked in. He was on his own today – left to his own devices.  He already had a long string of carts at the ready to bring in.

“Is this all there is to this job?” George asked me kind of miffed at the simplicity of the position.

“You aren’t tired of the job already, are you?” I asked warily.

“No,” George replied. “It is just kind of monotonous.”

I laughed. I reveled in the monotony of that job when I had it. I liked that fact that I had the same thing to do everyday with little deviation. It was very ritualistic and I revel in rituals which grok my obsessive compulsive tendencies.

“At least my boss is hot!” George exclaimed with a laugh. “She sure is a looker!”

She is a very pretty woman. I have no doubts that George would have her in bed at a moment’s notice – George having no qualms about such things. I took some solace in that my old supervisor is entirely not interested in George in a sexual manner.  She reserves that for me – with the advances still coming fast and furious. It drives Stacey crazy!

I Abhor Censorship…

I usually don’t do email. I find it laborious and anxiety inducing, but I got my email set up and running this morning with Windows Live Mail – a free program for download and a good substitute for Outlook and Thunderbird.  One nice thing now about getting my blog comments via email is I can now pick and choose which comments I want to read.  If I see say JustLacey or Pipe Tobacco, then I will click on and read the comment.  They usually have something constructive or positive to say even if they don’t necessarily agree with my methods or my actions.  If I see an anonymous comment, then I won’t click on that tripe to read.  Staying far away.  If someone really wants to start a report with me then they can just sign up for a Google account.  There is a big difference between constructive criticism and just downright meanness and malice as these comments usually are.  Any threatening seeming comments will be passed over.  I have enough negativity in my life with my mental illness to be reading all that junk on my blog anyway.  I don’t even know why I leave anonymous comments up, but I abhor censorship for some reason.  My biggest gripe and misgiving about “The Homeless Guy’s” blog, my favorite blog, was his rabid censorship of his readers. He was maniacal about it and would delete comments in a heartbeat if you didn’t agree with him, and it pissed a bunch of his regular supportive readers off.  I think it went a long way to killing his blog as blogs are little communities for good or for bad. I would feel like a hypocrite if I took them down.  You have a voice on this blog, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I will read it all. You can just bitch to the other commenters if they want to read all that junk. I guess I am giving you free reign and license to talk about me behind my back.  Eww, that sounded like a paranoid schizophrenic moment didn’t it? lol

I spent the last of my money I had yesterday evening.  It is back to poorsville for the time being. I drove to Wal-Mart late last night and bought a cheap memory card for my Wii and a big cheap case of bottled water for work.  I was hoping the extra memory would make browsing faster as I browse and read blogs mostly through that gaming console on my big screen HDTV.  It is easier for me to read as I have terrible eyesight and I can easily control the font size with the Wii’s remote. I keep getting out of memory errors with my Wii when I load certain graphic heavy WebPages and blogs. The memory seemed to have done the trick.

I paid close attention to where the carts are kept in the parking lot in preparation for tomorrow while I was there last night.  There were more carts in the parking lot than there were in the store so I and my coach should be busy this morning.

It has been so very nice having money for a change. I haven’t really had money in many years except for the odd bit George would give me.  It will probably be a week or two before I get more.  I don’t know when my first paycheck will be.  I will have to ask this morning.  I could get out this afternoon and hustle and cut grass with my mower.  I have a full tank of gas in the mower and an extra can of gas as well.  That might sound like a plan. I’ve noticed quite a few neighbors lately with high grass on my street. I would love a barbeque plate at Rodger’s tonight as a treat for successfully working so that might be the impetus to get me off my ass and hustling this afternoon.

It is 4:30am and I am all ready for work so early.  I am chomping at the bit to go and overly excited.  I have taken my shower, put on lots of deodorant, washed my hair, and ironed my clothes. I have my khaki pants and long sleeve Auburn shirt all laid out on the bed ready to be put on.  I put some sunscreen in my backpack and also added my orange Auburn hat that matches my shirt.  I will be wearing a Wal-Mart smock, though, on top of my shirt that is highly reflective for visibility.  It is ready to go as well, but it smells musty and well used.  I should’ve washed it last night, but forgot and just didn’t get around to it.  I was in the bed at midnight so I think I got some pretty good sleep even if it was only four and a half hours.  Good for me anyway as I have weird sleeping habits these days. It is going to take a few weeks to get back on a normal sleeping schedule after eight years of just sleeping when I felt like it. 

I feel very good this morning and upbeat mentally.  Serene and calm.  No anxiety whatsoever thank God.  It has been a long time since I so looked forward to something – so very long.  It has also been such a long time since the stars have seemed to align to allow me to do this.  I feel like I have a purpose for living now and that is a big change after eight years of wandering through life.   I ate two of Charlie’s hamburgers for breakfast and they were delicious as well. I shouldn’t have eaten two as I now feel overly full and that may trigger my bulimia, but I felt I needed the extra energy for work today.  I am having to temper my excitement so as to not get an anxiety attack this morning, though.  I have to be so careful about things like that. The littlest thing can trigger me.  It will be too easy to get so excited and to get that rush of anxiety I experience. I will take my two Klonopin at seven and hope for the best.  Wish me luck!!!  Let’s pray I don’t have any “interesting” mental moments at work!!

Afternoon Report…

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An Incredible Surprise

Mom pulled up in front of the house a moment ago with fast food Monday’s.  In a sack were three regular Cokes, three double cheeseburgers, and a regular order of fries.  These little treats or “little joys” as my friend Liz would call them mean so much to me.  It breaks up the monotony that can be my life some days. 

“Look on the backseat,” mom said. She had been to Wal-Mart.  Sitting on the seat was a box that read Pioneer.  She had bought my Blu-Ray player.

“The salesperson helped me with the cables to get and I got you two movies to watch,” mom told me. “I used my birthday money from your father I never spent months ago.”

I thanked mom profusely.  It was like Christmas all over again.  I couldn’t wait to get inside and hook it up.  Mom followed me after locking her car and putting her purse in the trunk as is her custom.

“That picture is just gorgeous,” mom said as I skipped through scenes from Avatar.  “I have never seen colors so rich on a TV before.  I now know why you wanted it so badly.”

Mom is still here watching the rest of the movie.  Maggie is just overjoyed at the company.  I am sitting here with my laptop as I watch as well.  It has been a good afternoon and a much needed surprise. 

Yum! Yum!

“Pull up a seat, baby, and eat a sandwich!” Helen said very happily at lunch today.

She had made her chicken salad for mom’s lunch – one of my favorite sandwich salads she makes.  I watched as she stood at the sink and sliced a tomato for my sandwiches.  Mom was sitting across from me at the table eating some potato chips.  She had finished her sandwiches Helen had made for her. 

“Your father called doctor K. to get me something to take to calm me down,” mom said blithely.

“And???” I asked.

“I’ve slept all day.  I am just dreading Mexican Tuesday’s with Mrs. Sandra.”

Now this was back to normal.  It is normal for mom to dread activities and to not be constantly driving around running errands and spending money.  She was so hyper yesterday that dad and I just knew she was going to have a car wreck.  

I quickly ate my sandwiches.  I kissed Helen on the cheek telling her she was the best Southern cook in the South.  If a black woman could have blushed, she would have.

“Where are you going?” mom asked, not wanting me to go.

“I’ve got to go check on Mrs. Florene.”

“Baby, wait a second and let me put some chicken salad in a container so you can carry it to her,” Helen told me.

I thanked Helen for the thought and headed to the former home of George.  He has taken up new residence now.  Mrs. Florene was in good spirits – watching her daily soaps.  I walked outside and let the Caprice run for about fifteen minutes and headed home.  I wasn’t in a mood to socialize much today.  Now, I am very tired feeling shaky.  I am fixing to go curl up in my lazy boy and listen to the radio.   I just spent $60 dollars for digital cable TV and an HDMI cable to go with it and all I want to do is listen to music that is freely gotten over the airwaves.  Go figure. 

Wanting More Technology…

The funniest thing just happened.  I don’t watch much TV, but the HDTV dad and mom gave me got me excited about HDTV broadcasts.  I want the technology more than anything.  Well, I just called dad and asked him if I could order digital HDTV for $40 extra dollars a month.  Our cable service offers over 30 channels now and I would really like to watch Food TV in HDTV glory – one of the few channels I will watch on a regular basis. 

“Oh, I don’t know if you can afford digital cable,” dad said indecisively. “Your budget is stretched pretty thin.”

“Johnny, don’t tell him that,” I heard my mother say mutedly from a distance. She must have been sitting next to him.  “You have several thousand dollars saved up in his bank account now.”

“Martha, HUSH!” dad exclaimed.

I laughed and laughed.  Leave it up to mom to foil dad’s plans.  Mom loves it when I get “stuff” as long as when dad pays for it.  Dad also keeps hoping I will go back to college and finish my degree so he has been trying to save money and has been putting money here and there in my account he said.

“So can I order it?” 

“Promise me you won’t drink or use Benadryl and you can make the call.”

I promised and squee’d with glee.  I just called and ordered it and they will be here Tuesday at 8am to install the set top box.  I also added a DVR for an extra $3 dollars a month and bought an HDMI cable for $19.95.  It feels good to shop sometimes – something I never get to do.  I am so excited that I don’t think I can wait until Tuesday!