Things Going On Around Here Today…

• Tracy went and bought a bunch of vanilla and almond scented candles today. They are lit throughout the house. She said the house smelled musty after all those years I smoked inside. She also washed the curtains and hung them back up after drying them. It does smell nice in here. It smells almost like the sweet smell of pipe tobacco smoke.
• I drove to the Literacy Center and talked to the director today about volunteering again. She said they had plenty of volunteers at the moment, but would call me if she needed me. I was a little disappointed, but I will get over it. I have too much time on my hands at the moment.
• Tracy and I had our Slim-Fast for lunch. She cooked her chicken parmesan for supper and it was delicious let me tell you. It was so hard to resist going back for another plateful. She also had a salad with a vinaigrette dressing and bread sticks.
• Yet another niece has a birthday next week and I drove to Kroger a moment ago and got an iTunes gift card and a birthday card. Tracy rode with me and bought some more scented candles while we were there. 
• Dad called me tonight pooped. He had his long hell day today at the pharmacy. He wanted to let me know he remembered to refill my Prilosec prescription. I told him to leave it outside the door and I would pick it up tomorrow. I took my last dosage I had today. We talked for a moment about walking as well. He wanted to know if I was still walking everyday and I said yes. I walk around the neighborhood meanderingly. He said he needs to get to walking as well. His wine drinking has given him a little gut.
• The Cable Guy stopped by with our new cable box. Tracy is delighted at all the channels we get now.

“You Can’t Have That!” “That’s Too Expensive…” “You’ll Rot Your Teeth Eating Those…”

These were some of the responses I got from Tracy grocery shopping tonight. When dad told her to moderate me, she took the responsibility in earnest. I just wanted some Hostess Ding Dongs and Hebrew National franks. I felt like a toddler desperately hanging onto a box of Lucky Charms.

We did our shopping after she got home from class. Tracy and I have both gained some weight recently and we are going to drink a Slim-Fast for lunch. My mother once lost a lot of weight doing that and eating a sensible supper. Tracy also got a lot of Lean Cuisines for us to eat as well. I showed her which ones were good and which ones that weren’t so hot.

“It has cellulose in it,” I told Tracy of Slim-Fast. “That’s why you feel so full after drinking one.”

Tracy said she would give it a try with me. Tracy remarked on how expensive they were as well. Kroger sells their version of Slim-Fast, but we didn’t want to chance it. I’ll probably be so hungry by supper time that Maggie looks delicious.

This would just be our luck, but when we went to checkout, we got behind two ladies with complicated orders with WIC vouchers. Sigh! It took forever and we had too many groceries for self checkout. We just had to be patient and wait.

“At least, we get to spend some quality time together!” I quipped.

Tracy just smiled broadly and then laughed.

Tracy Said I Got Drunk Called…

My father had his fair share of wine again tonight. I got “drunk called” by him as Tracy put it.

“Do you get the Hitler channel?” He asked, slurring his words.

“Do you mean the History Channel?” I replied.

“Yeah, your mother always called it the Hitler channel. She hated when I watched it. Tune in as the Japanese are now assaulting Papua New Guinea.”

I chuckled a little and told my father goodnight.

“Get some sleep, dad! You’ve got to work ten hours tomorrow!”

A Sunday Among Sundays…

Tracy hurried into the bathroom to get ready for my father’s and Charlie’s arrival this evening. This always makes me smile. She will put on some makeup and fix her hair after putting on a different top. Maggie took her station in the den window on the lookout when I said Charlie and Papa are coming. It was just a few minutes later that Charlie’s Chevrolet Caprica came pulling up in front of the house. I walked out to greet them and to help carry all the food inside. It was a KFC themed week this week as much as I tire of KFC. Tracy and I both got chicken sandwiches and Maggie got chicken tenders. Wheezy can’t eat people food as it is too rich for her and she will throw it up every time. She has to stick to Cat Chow (She throws that up too occasionally). 

Tracy wanted to talk to my father about my Cable TV situation. She watches a lot of TV. I get very basic Cable and it seems lacking even for me and I don’t watch much TV. I don’t even get the Weather Channel anymore it is so basic. Originally, this was a compromise I had to make to get one Gigabit internet. Tracy told my father she would pay for our Cable and internet bill.

“I will get him signed up for expanded basic in the morning,” my father told Tracy. “Do y’all want the cable box like I have with the channel guide?”

Tracy said yes and thanked my father profusely. This will give us channels like MTV, TNT, A&E, Sci-fy, TBS, WGN, etc. This will also give us a lot more high definition channels as well.

Charlie was busy doing Charlie stuff. He was getting Maggie fresh food and water and washing the handful of dishes in the sink. He also gave Wheezy some fresh food and water as well. Then, he went in every room to see if there was something he could do. Tracy and I keep a pretty tidy house.

Just Checking In…

I don’t feel much like writing tonight. I don’t feel ill, but I am at a loss of words I think. This will probably turn out to be a long post as I get diarrhea of the keyboard when I get started. I always start out thinking I am not going to be able to write something and it turns into something big and wordy.

I was overjoyed that a new AM radio station opened in the Valley this week. I tuned in expecting Coast to Coast AM and other cool shows like that. It was Christian conservative radio. I was so disappointed you just don’t know. They have nothing to offer me entertainment wise except frustration. 

Tracy made a B on her listening test and I was so proud of her and so was she. She called me on the way home from class last night ecstatic.

I wanted to talk computer parts tonight as I have a cool order going in tomorrow (first of the month). I just sent Matt, at the pharmacy, an email with what I want. I won’t bore you with all of that, though. It is just some $200 THX-certified speakers for my gaming rig. I am moving the Infinity surround system back into the den so Tracy and I can watch TV and Blu-rays with surround sound. It was her request.

We had breakfast for supper tonight which was always a special treat when I was growing up. I just scrambled some eggs and fried some Clark Brother’s sausage. It was delicious. I also made a pot of buttery and creamy grits. I have cooking grits down to a fine science. It was rounded off by a pan of Mary B’s biscuits which are equally delicious.

I prank called my father tonight. I can mimic Trump’s voice to a T and I called my father in my best Trump voice warning him of Lopez Landscaping and undocumented workers. He burst out laughing when he realized it was me. “I’m not a crook!” I ended the call with. Dad wants me to call my brother and prank him next.

A More Mild Mannered Evening…

There was no wine pouring forth this evening as dad invited Tracy and I over to watch his favorite episode of The Crown. Tracy and I both really enjoyed the episode and now Tracy wants Apple TV. I got online and ordered it when we got home. I crave more British broadcasting than PBS can deliver so maybe I will enjoy it as well. My mother loved it and would ask my father what he was watching on Netflix tonight. She would get ready by taking her place on the couch.

When Your Dog Farts, Blame Your Girlfriend…

Tracy and I were spooning on the couch Sunday night. We were watching Masterpiece’s Victoria on Public Broadcasting. Maggie was laying on the rug just below us. Suddenly, this nasty, rotten egg smell wafted up from the floor. I saw Tracy wrinkle her nose first and I smiled. I knew it was Maggie, but I told Tracy, “Jesus honey, you need to check your drawers after that.” She elbowed me very hard in the ribs and it hurt.

“You know that was Maggie!” she exclaimed despondently.

By this time, I was laughing so hard it hurt. Tracy got to laughing as well.

“How can something so cute and cuddly emit something so nasty?” Tracy asked me.

Maggie looked stymied at all the commotion and then laid her head back down and went back to sleep.

Snow January 2019 was a Bust…

We were supposed to get 1 inch of snow this morning. The temperatures were just too warm. The National Weather Service got the forecast wrong all over the state and are having to eat humble pie this morning. They had to downgrade all winter weather warnings down to winter weather advisories. The temperature is supposed to fall into the twenties after sunset. It is going to be a cold trip to the grocery store tonight. I was feeling shaky last night, so dad and I put it off until tonight.

Getting Back On An Even Keel…

I feel much better than I did last week which was hell week. They say blogging is like riding a bike. You just have to get back on and start peddling. Hopefully, I will be back to writing on a regular basis now material permitting. 

Tracy Giggles, Charlie Chuckles…

Charlie called me this morning. I hadn’t been up long, but I was dressed. I was fixin to head to Old Fuss and Feather’s house.

“I am coming to get you,” Charlie said. “Our TV is talking to us every time you press a button.”

“How did y’all get it to do that?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh hell, I don’t know,” Charlie replied. “Janice must’ve hit the wrong button.”

I laughed and Charlie chuckled.

“Well, you are going to have to come inside and say hello to Maggie when you come,” I told Charlie.

Charlie said he would. Soon, here he came rolling up my street. I told Maggie Charlie was here and she went apeshit bananas yet once again.

“Maggie Lou, just what are you doing?” Charlie asked exuberantly.

Maggie wiggled and barked in ecstasy as Charlie rubbed and petted her vigorously and robustly.

“Come on, let’s go fix my TV.”

It was a simple fix. I can’t remember exactly what I did, but there was a setting in the menu that turned off speech assist.

“That sure was easy,” Janice said lying on the couch while she watched the television.

“Andrew, I don’t know what we would do without you,” Charlie told me.

Charlie slipped me twenty dollars and gave me five sodas for the road. Charlie really does spoil me. I got one leaded regular Coca-Cola, two diet Cokes, and two Sprite Zeros. A motley mix, but right up my alley.

As Slow As Molasses…

Well, my father and Sir Matt finally got my Christmas ordered today. It was the last day for free shipping and they just squeaked by. I sighed a big sigh of relief. Why we can’t just order it on my father’s computer I do not know. It confounds and aggravates me the rigmarole it takes to get computer parts ordered around here. Dad also ordered a watch for himself from Amazon and got Sir Matt to handle that as well so it is not just me. He actually had the acumen to email Matt the watch he wanted which surprised me. Welcome to 2018 father!

I watched a little of Dr. Phil at Old Fuss and Feather’s house this morning. Just your usual and typical dysfunctional family type stuff – families torn apart by an abhorrent family member or broken families, divorces, etc. Dad cooked breakfast for him and I as well. We had fried eggs and bacon and some frozen biscuits warmed and toasted in the oven. I didn’t stay too long. It was getting close to time for me to take my medications and I didn’t bring them with me

“For god’s sake go take your medications,” my father told me with a laugh when I told him I had to go and the reason why. .

I came home and took off my glasses and my ballcap and was just going to lay down for an hour and rest. It was about 1 pm. I fell asleep and awoke tonight at 6:30 pm and the house was pitch black dark – very disorienting and disconcerting. I guess I needed the rest. It was amazing my phones didn’t ring in all that time nor did Maggie bark. It left me with little to write about today.

We should’ve went and got my Christmas tree, but dad and I both put it off until after the weekend. We're both supreme procrastinators. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow type of stuff.

It’s in the Water…

Dad and I were shooting the shit on his porch yesterday evening when my cellphone rang. This always intrigues my father when I get calls. His cellphone is constantly ringing. Mine seldom rings.

“It’s Charlie,” I said to my father. “He says one of his TV’s won’t come on.”

Charlie has a TV in every room except the bathroom and doesn’t watch TV except for a smattering of Home and Garden Television.

“I’ll ride out there with you,” my father said, eager for some more socializing.

It was the medium sized TV in the dining room. Charlie didn’t have his cable box turned on either just like my father earlier in the day. Charlie laughed and laughed. It was contagious and we all got to laughing.

“I can’t believe I got you all the way out here for that,” Charlie said apologizing and laughing at the same time. “I could have sworn I turned it on.”

Dad and I were both just glad to see him and didn’t mind the trip out North 14th Avenue. I was paid two ice cold diet Cokes for my efforts and for which I relished.

Charlie Knows Best…

I met Charlie at my father’s house this morning. I pulled into the driveway and saw his car. I got excited. It would be damn good to see him after this mornings biscuit ritual which was a brief visit.

“What are you fellows doing in here?” I asked as I surveyed my father’s fridge for something cold and interesting to drink.

I decided on some Simply Natural lemonade which was meant for the grandkids.

“It is going to give me heartburn, but I am going to drink it,” I told my father.

Dad was watching Queen Elizabeth’s birthday parade for the dozenth time.

“I need you to see after a TV at my house,” Charlie said. “The remote has quit working.”

I told Charlie I would soon be out at his new house after I commiserated with my father for awhile.

“Simplest things first,” I told myself on the drive to Charlie’s new house.

Nobody was home when I arrived so I let myself inside. I turned on YouTube on Charlie’s big 65 inch television. I tuned into the Farting Preacher just for kicks and amusement while I waited. Charlie walked in halfway through the video. Charlie laughed and laughed.

“Is this for real?” Charlie asked.

“Someone just dubbed in some farts, but his mannerisms fit them perfectly.”

“Is this also YouTube?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “And it seems to be streaming just fine.”

It turned out the remote was broken on his little Sharp TV (that’s what I thought after I tried the simplest thing first and that was to change its batteries to no avail) and that is why the other television wouldn’t come on.

“I have an identical Sharp remote at my house,” I told Charlie. “Do you want me to go get it and let’s try it? That way we can make sure it truly is the remote.”

The remote had been sitting in a drawer in my den for years.

“Hurry and go get it,” Charlie said excitedly.

I arrived back at Charlie’s house minutes later and it was indeed what I thought. The TV blinked to life when I hit the power button on my identical remote. Charlie was overjoyed and loaded me up on leaded regular Coca-Colas.

Got ‘cha!

I told my father I fixed the television this morning. I was explaining to him on how I did it.

“How did you know to use the remote to reset it?” he asked

“I searched for how to reset it on the internet,” I replied.

“Do you want it back?” I then asked. “We could put it in mom’s room.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” my father replied looking smug in his pajamas.

He then said “Got ‘cha” really loudly and laughed and laughed.

“I know you had your heart set on getting that television. It is yours to keep,” he told me.

I told my father thank you and gave him a man hug as he was sitting down.

Goin’ to the Movies?

Solo A Star Wars Story was certainly met with many mixed reviews. My favorite film critic gave it 2 out of 4 stars and I trust him. His reviews are spot on. I didn’t waste my time on a movie ticket.

“Just another run-of-the-mill heist movie,” he said. “Move along.”

I have trouble concentrating and sitting through movies. There are so many movies I want to see like The Planet of the Apes series, Rogue One a Star Wars Story, The Arrival, The Martian, and Interstellar. See the science fiction trend I have going?

Shh, Don’t Tell Old Fuss and Feathers…

Ah, the sweet taste of electronic victory. I managed to get the television working by doing a full factory reset on it. We’re not going to tell Papa, though. I hate all the subterfuge, but I don’t want to flaunt it to my father that I fixed it. It is a really, really nice television. That TV is going to be the new monitor on my computer room computer where he will never see it. I just hope it fits on the desk with room for my keyboard and mouse. It is going to be a tight fit. I was just overjoyed when I reset it and the setup menu showed up on the screen after it cycled. I let out a big, “YES!” and clapped my hands in excitement.

1. While the TV is On, press and hold the EXIT button on the Samsung remote control for 12 seconds. The standby light should blink the entire time without interruption. 2. The Factory Reset screen displays a warning message. Select OK to reset the TV.

The Big Gulp!

So nice to be an egg in Andrew’s fridge. Maggie and I enjoyed a breakfast fit for kings and queens this morning. I scrambled six cheese eggs, fried bacon and sausage, had toasted biscuits, and I also had a big glass of orange juice to wash it all down with. Maggie got so excited she would run out the dog door, run back in, and bark playfully at me while looking like she was going to pounce at any minute. I just wish Maggie would take time to savor her food instead of wolfing it down. Maggie got three cheese eggs, two slices of bacon, a sausage patty, and a biscuit. She ate everything but the biscuit which she buried in the backyard which means there will be a muddy biscuit in my future.

VISITORS!!!

That’s what Maggie seemed to be saying when Charlie and my father pulled up in front of the house in the white truck. She was putting on a grand show! It does my heart good.

“What are you two doing?” I said now standing on the front stoop with my hands on my hips ever curious.

“We are delivering your daddy’s broken TV to see if you can tinker with it and get it working,” Charlie told me.

“It was Charlie’s idea,” dad said loudly.

I had a few tricks up my sleeve I wanted to try on that nice large Samsung widescreen television.

“If you get it working, it is yours, but I am going to be mad as hell I had to buy a new television,” my father told me as they both precariously carried that 45 inch television across the yard.

“The sound is working,” Charlie said. “You can tune it to a channel, but you do not get a picture.”

“I’ll see what I can do with it,” I said wringing my hands in sheer delight and absolute contentment.

There could be no telling what dad pressed on that remote to cause this to happen. I just hope I don’t get electrocuted in the process.  I will scour the web to see if people have had similar problems and what their solutions were.

A New Day Dawned…

Maggie and I had to make do with Kraft singles cheese toast this morning. It was almost laughable. I had run out of cheddar. We are going tonight after Janice’s birthday party to buy groceries.

“Can you do both?” Dad asked worriedly about me.

“We are going to give it the good college try,” I replied to him.

“My Apple TV keeps messing up,” Dad told me. “Could you come look at it? It is driving me crazy! Halfway through a show it will cutout.”

I headed to my father’s house after a spat of summer rain ended.

“I think we need a new wireless router,” dad said. “It keeps saying the signal is weak or no signal.”

“Let me think and get my bearings,” I told my father.

It then malfunctioned as I was watching The Crown and I knew exactly what it was.

“It’s your cheap GE HDMI cable,” I told me father.

I switched out the HDMI cable and things have worked swimmingly for the rest of the afternoon. Dad was just lavishing me with praise he was so overjoyed. He called me a genius. He watches Apple TV and Netflix more than he does regular cable these days.

A Windfall of Bad News…

“My TV is not working,” dad told me over his cellphone. “I am fixing to drive out to WOW! office and get another cable box. Will you hook it up for me?”

My father is addicted to his television and all of this sent him into a frenzied stir. He had been without TV since last night. It is kind of like a crack addict on the prowl for another fix.

“Let me get a hot shower and I will be over there at one,” I told him.

So, I scrubbed clean all my dangly bits and shampooed my hair. Soon, I was on the way to my father’s house armed with a spare HDMI cable thinking that was what was wrong.

“I hate to tell you this,” I told my father after he had been on the phone with WOW! for thirty minutes. “But it is your TV and not the cable box. The TV won’t even come on. You should still be able to watch Netflix or Blu-ray discs even if the cable box is broken.”

Dad frowned, looked exasperated, and said he would call and get Charlie to get him a new TV tonight on his way home from work.

“Will you come and hook it up?”

“Just call me when the TV gets there,” I told my father. “Let’s try to make it before eleven, though.”

Horror of Horrors…

As I was leaving my father’s house, I saw something white stuck under Charlie’s garage door on the house he owns next to my father. I walked up the bank to the driveway and it was Felix, Charlie’s and Janice's cat. The garage door had been shut upon him and killed him. I called my father not knowing what to do and he said he would call Charlie and take care of it. It made us all sick at our stomachs. Felix was such a good and personable cat. I know Charlie and Janice will both cry over this unfortunate bit of news. Don’t think a tear didn’t erupt at the corner of my eye as well. I hate I had to be the harbinger of such bad news today.

Maybe It’s Magic…

Charlie brought Horsefly’s rather large TV this afternoon for me to work on. He said the sound wasn’t working.

“It is such a nice TV,” Charlie told me. “I would hate to have to buy Horsefly another one.”

“Let’s hook it up to my cable box with an HDMI cable and see what happens,” I told Charlie of this very large television.

I turned it on, tuned it to a channel, and we immediately had a picture with sound.

“How did you do that?” Charlie asked flabbergasted. “I’ve tried every setting and menu to get that TV to work.”

We loaded the TV back into Charlie’s backseat and headed for Horsefly’s current base of operations.

“Let’s try a different HDMI cable,” I told Charlie when we got back to his house. “If it is not that then we need to get the cable box changed out. We obviously now know the TV is working fine.”

It turned out to be that the HDMI cable was faulty.

“I had to borrow that working cable from the TV upstairs so I am headed to Walmart to buy another cable,” Charlie told me. “Do you want to come?”

“Just drop me off at the house,” I told Charlie kindly. 

“Don’t buy a cheap $4 HDMI cable when you get down to Walmart,” were my parting words to Charlie as I got out of his Caprica.

My New Television...

Well, I got Janice's computer situated and running like a well-oiled machine. It had multiple problems. The speakers weren't working, her wifi wasn't connecting to her iPad and iPhone, and the printer wasn't working.

"Simplest things first," I said as I got started troubleshooting which is my motto when working with computers.

The speaker's power cord was unplugged and then the speakers weren't turned on. The printers USB cable wasn't attached to the back of the printer. The wireless router's ethernet connection wasn't inserted into the back of the cable internet modem. Janice was overjoyed at what I got accomplished. I made sure her phone and iPad where online along with the computer and then headed to Papa's house for a rest and some conversation.

You're the Jester Of This Court...

Yesterday, Charlie called me and told me to meet him at his house in West Point. He wanted me to remove the television he was giving me off the den wall. It only took about ten minutes to remove the mount and the television was ready to go. I successfully installed the convoluted stand as well. Charlie then wanted me to wait on getting the Television as he wanted an extra TV if they needed one installing the cable at his new house yesterday. The logic of this escaped me, but I said okay.

Sunday, A Day Later...

"I need you to hook up Janice's computer printer, then we will get your new TV and bring it back to your house," Charlie told me during the Sunday morning biscuit ritual. "Janice will be home from church after noon and she needs to show you what she wants to be done."

Charlie left and I began to fret about the time. I am much like my mother in those regards. I want to know a set time and not all this nebulous waiting for a phone call. I called him back on his cellphone after he left my house.

"Somewhere between noon and two," Charlie told me. "Janice might go out to lunch with the church ladies."

I was in the middle of talking and Charlie says, "thank you Andrew" and hangs up on me. Well, that hurt my feelings deeply and also pissed me off. I am such a sensitive soul. Too sensitive!

Why can't things be simple like I come over and install the printer and drive home with my new TV on the back seat of my car? It will take me 5 minutes tops to install the printer. I can carry the television myself. I'd rather do without the television than have to go through all this rigamarole. I don't watch much television as it is. All of this just triggers my mental illness!

Mr. Fix-it...

Charlie is supposed to be bringing a big screen LCD television for me to look at today. He said the sound has quit working. I am very sure it is some setting in a menu that's got the sound turned off by accident. It was Horsefly's TV -- no telling what Horsefly changed playing with the remote. Luckily, Charlie has televisions galore and gave Horsefly another TV or trouble would be soon to follow. Horsefly has to watch his Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer DVDs.

"Be sure to bring the remote as well," I made sure to tell Charlie over the phone last night.

You about can't do anything without a television's remote these days. I hope he brings it this morning before work and not late tonight. I am anxious to work my gadgetry wizardry and magic.

We Welcome Surf and Turf...

I will never say my father can't surprise me at times. Dad had been out to lunch with a colleague at Red Lobster. I was sitting at my computer when I saw him pull up in front of the house. I walked out to his car to greet him.

"Here's you a to-go box of two lobster tails and a steak," he said in a hurry. "Eat them while they are still hot. I am in a hurry to go watch Dr. Phil."

I laughed at the Dr. Phil part and then thanked my father profusely. I think Dr. Phil is a know-it-all blowhard who takes advantage of other people's problems. Dad watches when he can on the Oprah Winfrey Network.

"Love you bunches," he said as he was climbing back into his car and sped off.

He has a DVR and I don't know why he doesn't use it. I've shown him several times how to record a show.

On the Diet Coke Front...

I've had a miserably splitting headache and I know it is from lack of caffeine. I have drunk six diet Cokes a day for years and years. I decided today that I am only going to have two a day for awhile and that's it. Moderation is the key and my father agreed. Dad's worried I am trying to cut out too many addictions and will get myself into a mental mess.