Monday, October 24, 2016

They Tickle, Tangle, and Tingle My Ears...

Do you ever get hooked on certain music or songs? Right now, Sarah McLachlan's next to newest album, Shine On, is my ear worm and beau for the day. I can listen to that song Brink of Destruction over and over. Oh gawd, I love Sarah's voice. I am also listening to a lot of Zero 7 (down-tempo) with a smattering of Owl City (teeny bopper pop) thrown into the mix for good measure and furtive smiles.

Do you have any suggestions musically?  What do you like? I'm very eclectic and I like just about everything except for ultra modern pop, rap and gangsta rap.

"What Do You Want for Breakfast?" Interspersed With "Shall I Bury It?"

The Magster and I have already had our breakfast at 5 am sharp. Maggie woke me up signaling that she was hungry. I am sure we will truly be ravenous come true lunch time around noon. Maggie rarely gets people food lately, but I reneged and gave her a strawberry Pop-Tart. She's been proudly carrying it around for the past 30 minutes wanting to bury it, but somehow she just can't do the deed. It is not often she gets such large and tasty morsels, as this, come her way.

"Maggie?" I told her. "Don't let it be feast time for the neighborhood raccoons and opossums."

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Chicken With A Flair...

I am sitting here waiting on Charlie and Papa to arrive. I am getting two chicken sandwiches tonight from Kentucky Fried Chicken. I only order KFC in my attempt to appease Charlie and Papa.

Don't you wish KFC's chicken had more flair? Something out of the ordinary? The tender roast sandwich they had years ago was just plain delicious, but they discontinued it. I am hoping these sandwiches will chase away the KFC fried chicken blues. Charlie asked me this morning during breakfast and I said get me two sandwiches if KFC even makes a chicken sandwich these days. What kind of chicken place doesn't have a decent chicken sandwich?

I've also been very busy -- busy as a bee cleaning house.  It smells nice in here with the only sound that being of my clothes dryer with a load of towels riding the tilt-a-whirl. Maggie is getting in on the act as she is licking her paws -- her usual sign of comforting contentment. She got her nibbles early tonight after much coercion on her part. How could I deny a cute little hungry fur ball like that?

Well, That Was One Hell of a Visit...

The dynamic duo have come and gone. My father was beyond elated because I've got the house good and clean. It even smelled clean. I chased the doggy smell and stale cigar smoke smell away with some Febreeze I got on my last visit to Kroger.

"Thank you!" he told me as we hugged, "It smells wonderful in here and the house is so tidy and clean."

Charlie bought me four KFC chicken snacker sandwiches tonight.

"They were kind of small so I got you four," Charlie told me.

Only Charlie, my mother, and I understand this kind of over order logic. You better have too much than not enough.

And We Groveled and Gathered Around the Great Porcine of Sustenance...
Will someone please get this poor guy some breakfast? He's running out of big words to describe his condition.

Yes, it is sausage biscuit/orange juice time! Charlie will be along in just a few hours. I am anxiously waiting to see him.  I wonder what kind of mood Charlie is in? Now, if I can just keep him away from my kitchen or mayhem will erupt. lol

Charlie will also be confronted by a cold blast of winter's air when he steps outside this morning. Knowing Charlie, he will jut have a t-shirt and shorts on. The temperature is hovering around 38° degrees this morning.

Free colposcopy with every breakfast for all you ladies! Don't forget your husband's and his friends to tag along and get their free colonoscopy after their breakfast meal as well!

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Today's Game Day Game Plan...

My father called and told me he would be over in about an hour or so with my crazy medications and hopefully a bite to eat.

"Give me an hour plus possibly an extra half hour to get there," were his words covering his bases. "I do hope I am not giving you your medications too early."

And more frets followed -- my father sounded like my mother does most days. He didn't want to leave me hungry being so close to grocery day he said.

He was soon heading out to the Auburn game with my brother and a few of my other football fanatic family members. I told him to tell them all that it is very chilly and blustery day -- our first cold air of the winter season has arrived overnight. When I was headed to Wal-Mart this early morning the air could best be described as crisp and invigorating. It has been a long hot Southern summer -- time to turn the page of the annals of our weather.

"Will you eat Chef Boyardee Beefaroni?" my father asked me earlier. "Your mother is sending a big sack of them to you."

Give it to Mickey! He'll eat anything!

"Dad, you know I will eat just about anything except pancakes," I replied and we both laughed.

"Are you going to take care of  Maggie's ritual?" my father asked with furrows forming on his brow.

My father also brought me some delicious lasagna, garlic infused and buttery french bread, and a ranch dressing doused salad. He soon left me headed towards Auburn and my brother's house.

Wow! I Am Beginning to Like Wal-Mart...

This morning bolstered my spirits somewhat. If you go at the right time that is (and I hope my ladies from Fred's Dollar Store aren't reading or think they've been usurped). I was in Wal-Mart at seven this morning and it was super smooth sailing. I grabbed another gallon of milk and a box of Wal-Mart brand cereal. I hurried to check out hoping there wasn't a mad rush to the cashiers in my absence. It seemed as if the store was just plain dead. I was in and out in 15 minutes with a good parking space to boot.

He's Just Sad Johnny...

"We all get that way sometimes," my mother would say.

Or we're having an existential crisis...

"Except my father!" I would hearken and deadpan back facetiously. "He is always seems bright and cheery!"

A Prozac Moment Brought to You by Lilly Pharmaceuticals...

Dad was worried about me last night. Maggie and I weren't at the door to greet him for the second night in a row and both of us had been sound asleep.

"Are you depressed?" my father asked.

"I think so. Ah, hell! I don't really know," I told my father. "I know that I don't want to get out of the bed most times lately, though."

Dad then gave me a big bear hug and told me I could talk to him anytime if I need to.

Friday, October 21, 2016

Lopez, Oh Lopez. Why Art Thou So Loud, Lopez?

I was rudely awakened by the Magster barking wildly and Lopez and crew mulching leaves in the backyard. I hurried to the dog door noticing Maggie was still sitting on the back of the couch and barking. Strike now while the iron is still hot! I sighed with relief when the dog door was locked. I am wide awake now, and don't think I could go back to bed or sleep if I tried.

Friday and You've Still Got Groceries?

Kroger was all out of the stuff I really like so I bought some tasty items I've haven't tried before. Some of it was good and some some of was sorta good. It is hard to get good and fresh food these days. Most grocery stores are stocked from journeys that entail hundreds of miles to deliver the food.

I still have a gallon of whole milk and a box of cornflakes I bought from the Piggly Wiggly, though. My father said he was actually entertaining trying the Piggly Wiggly next week for our grocery shopping.

"We will give Kroger one more chance," he said.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

He Waits for Darkness to Fall...
Maggie and I both  were sitting at the front window looking out for Papa tonight -- two peas in the proverbial pod. The drone of the television was behind us. Pops came pulling up to my curb about 8:30 pm in his unstoppable tanklike Honda CR-V. It was very early for him for such a change. We've been arriving around 9:30ish lately.

"Well, Chuck, let's take your meds and get Mrs. Maggie some food and water. I am then heading home and crashing into my recliner after putting on my pajamas. I have a date with my television and a diet Coke. I also have to work again tomorrow so no late nights for me as I had planned."

My father sighed about having to work and I could sympathize with him.

I was then handed a palm full of crazy meds and I washed them all down with a coy tasting, sweet, and bubbly Sunkist soda.

This Injection Can Sneak Up On Me...

The phone started ringing early this morning in the computer room. The phone rang three times which meant I was to call my father back on his cell phone asap. He was driving to work.

"Your shot is this morning," he said timidly -- worried about how I would react to this little surprise.

I then looked at the clock and Kamath Medical would be open in thirty minutes.

"You were sound asleep weren't you?" he asked.

He probably thinks I might pitch a temper tantrum much like Horsefly does when he bowls a gutter bowl.

"I will buy you a good breakfast to sweeten the pot," my father also told me.

I guess one of the best ways to a man's heart is through his empty stomach.

I hurriedly put on some extra strength Irish Spring deodorant and slightly wrinkled clothes right out of the dryer (at least they were clean). I combed my hair like I just didn't care. I then headed to the pharmacy with my Ray Bans blocking a bright, morning sun. I had no idea it was injection time this morning as I slept. That should be my responsibility and not my fathers.  We seem to have a makeshift system, though, and it works for us.

Charlie's wife was sitting in the lobby when I arrived at Kamath Medical. I gave her a hug and asked how she was doing.

"I'm here to get some bloodwork done," Mrs. Janice told me with a smile.

Within moments, Rebecca called me back to an examination room.

"I think I hit some scar tissue," my nurse, Rebecca, alarmed and loudly said. "We are going to try the other cheek."

Rebecca told me to call her if I have any complications. Pat handed me my next appointment card as I walked out of the examination room. I was free to head home (if not for a little detour as well).

Can't a Hungry Man Get a Good Omelette Around Here?

"Where are you going to eat?" my father asked me as he gave me $20.

I've been talking about it forever and I finally got myself another ham and cheese omelet at the Waffle House. I got my usual side orders of extra bacon and extra buttery toast as well.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Return of Yawny...

When is Papa going to get here?
I seem to be in a sleepy haze lately. I slept all night last night and slept all day again. Maggie will watch me yawn and then she will then yawn in turn. Felines won't do this little trick. They are much too independent or aloof.

Maggie is smelling awful doggie tonight as well and I need to give her a bath. It will traumatize her to no end when I do this, though. It's like Superman's aversion to Kryptonite.

I heard my father's car pull up to the curb and Maggie was ecstatic.

"Shit!" dad exclaimed vulgarly as he stepped inside my house tonight for the medication ritual, "I forgot your Cokes and cigars."

At least he brought homemade vegetable beef soup and some buttery cornbread. That was a great and tasty consolation prize.

"Don't worry about it, dad," I replied. "I have enough to get me by until tomorrow morning."

Dad does their household grocery shopping on Wednesday night and mom has asked me if he had left my house. Mom was very lucid this evening and that was a good sign. You can talk some sense into her when she gets like this.

Dad was grilling me on South African history, the Afrikaners and apartheid this evening.  We got embroiled in a talk about an Englishman named Cecil Rhodes that turned around South Africa through mining and building a railroad network across the nation. President Clinton when to Cambridge with an extremely prestigious Rhodes scholarship.

Dark Storm Clouds On the Horizon...

I just woke up early this morning with thoughts of my mother on my mind. I am deeply worried about her fueled by my own trials and tribulations with addiction and substance abuse. She has a tough row to hoe ahead of her if she is to recover.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes, put on some shoes, and went and got a cold soda from the fridge. I sat down in front of this computer to try to get my jumbled thoughts and mind together enough to write a decent blog post. My brain was going every which way and that. It was a busy day yesterday -- a day full of those family secrets best forgotten and not talked about. Things swept under the rug as they say.

Mrs. Sandra ran my Mexican meal to me last night. Which kind of alarmed me as it was a very somber occasion indeed. I just knew something bad or crazy had happened.

"What has happened now?" I asked Mrs. Sandra instinctively as her grand-kids jostled in the backseat.

"Andrew?" Mrs. Sandra said. "Your mother's been taking something tonight.  She was acting all strange and then she fell into the bushes at the Mexican restaurant and we almost couldn't get  her out."

"Sandra, I shouldn't be talking for her, but she is addicted to Xanax," I replied. "She takes up to 12 at a time."

Sandra said my mother could barely get up the steps of their home when my father miraculously arrived home early and took over.

"Your father just told me to bring your meal and then head home," Sandra told me.

"You always call me when something like that happens and I will take care of it," I  told Sandra.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Traversing a Grocery Store Graveyard...
"Let's take your medications and then we will head out to do some shopping," my father said after arriving at my humble little abode. "Let's don't forget to give Maggie some fresh nibbles and fresh water as well."

I was very surprised about what my father was wearing tonight. The word hypercritical came to mind. He had on a white cotton t-shirt, some sandals, and some khaki shorts. He would tell me I'm wearing my pajamas in public to go shopping if I wore such plebian attire. I was the one dressed appropriately wearing fresh laundered and nice smelling clothes. Some battles are meant to be forgotten, though. Pick and choose your battles wisely as they always say. I am learning to rise above the negativity.

A Derelict Kroger? It Seems to Crumble Around Us...

Kroger was out of everything tonight. It seems they have less and fewer items as we shop as each week passes. I aggravatingly told my father that I would be buying my milk and cereal at the Piggly Wiggly in the morning. Cereal and milk are the cornerstones and a staple for my diet.

"I am going to trust you," my father replied. "Just don't get any Budweiser."

I smiled a devilish smile as my father formed a smile himself and then we continued on with my shopping. You would think Kroger was having a going out of business sale due to the lack of items.

"It's not going to snow, is it?" I asked my father in jest.

Things They Didn't Have Tonight that Were On My List...
  • Unfrosted strawberry Pop-tarts. 
  • No frosted flakes what-so-ever. Not even Tony the Tiger.
  • No whole milk.
  • My chocolate covered Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
  • Mainstream hot dog buns as all they had were yucky reduced calorie wheat buns.
  • No lime Baja Blasts to be found within the store. I had to settle on Sunkist soda.
  • Vienna sausages in the 6 can packs.
Odds and Ends...

I urged my father to venture farther into the store and to help me get me a few items. Maggie gets a clean and fresh paper bowl every night with her kibble. We only had two bowls left. I also wanted some more ketchup and mustard to accompany my hot dogs as well. I sent my father to get those items. I then grabbed a small can of Bavarian style sauerkraut and I was ready to check out.

When Does Christmas Truly Come Twice?
I do believe your dog has unearthed a Brontosaurus bone...

For the Magster, it certainly does come twice. When Maggie buries her Christmas beef bone last year and digs it up about a year later.

She is laying on the floor crunching on that bone as I write this. She's kind of making me cringe at the cracking noises. I guess it is good for her teeth and gums.

"Are you hungry?" I asked the Maggins noticing her food bowl in the computer room was bare. She just looked at me and if she were human she would say like George J, "We be cool! We be cool like dat!"

I wonder what George J. is doing these days? I always hoped George J. would get ASE certified and become a car mechanic. He had a certain aptitude for it. He kept his 1981 Dodge Diplomat running for many years after it should've died.

They Really Want to Tighten the Noose Tighter...
Because my father is going to kill me if I debit any more money out of my debit account for a few days. lol

I was sitting in my lazy boy in my dark den enjoying the solace and silence. The clock reached 5:30 am as my neighbor, who is also named George, got in his car and headed for the nearest Waffle House.

That seemed so very good to me! A ham and cheese omelet with some buttery grits and buttery toast. I am certainly very hungry this morning. It is lean pickings over here at Andrew's abode. I am glad tonight is grocery night. I have already started a list. I have also started a load of laundry so I will have something clean, fresh smelling, and that appeals to my father for when we go shopping tonight. What exactly is the homeless look anyways? That old saying if you can't beat them then join them applies to this predicament.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Awake! And Arise From the Dead My Minions...

I was doing some serious sleeping in my pitch black and wonderfully cool house when the Magster went crazy. Does your alarm clock bark? I also call Maggie my proximity alarm with regards to the house and the yard.

I looked at the clock and it was 8:30 pm. We had visitors and I scrambled to get out of the bed. One was a Papa and the other visitor was a Charlie. I struggled to turn on some lights and to let the dynamic duo inside.

"I'm putting on some pants," I told Charlie and my father loudly.

"I got you some more Captain D's." Charlie told me. "Your mother said that you were tired of eating fried chicken."

Dear God! Thank You Martha!

The only reason I kept getting it was because it was easy on Charlie and my father since they all like the fried chicken at KFC. Horsefly also has to have his nightly chicken fingers from that establishment. Mom, the defector from the norm, got her usual Wendy's double with cheese.

Dad and I sat on the couch as he administered my crazy meds. I about got choked (on a Klonopin of all things of course). It also sounded like a construction crew was remodeling the kitchen with all the noise emanating from that room. All of this can send my sensitivities to the edge -- the introverted and reclusive soul that I am.

"I honestly didn't know my kitchen was so dirty," I said to a sympathetic father.

"Charlie?" my father asked with an air of consternation. "Just what in the hell you are doing in there?"

"I am taking care of my friends, Andrew and Maggie," Charlie replied with a harrumph as my kitchen got a compete makeover in essence.

"Fix Maggies food and water," my father loudly told Charlie.

"It has already been taken care of," Charlie replied.

This was just a whirlwind visit of two of my more favorite souls in my life. Dad and Charlie left to go deliver my mother's meal.

The Kitchen is Now Officially Closed...
That always worried my little brother when my grandmother would tell us the kitchen was closed after supper. She would turn on the dishwasher and then turn off the lights.

"Memaw?" my stymied little brother would have innocently asked. "There is no door to the kitchen."

Ships Are On the Horizon...

Charlie finally arrived after being very late this morning. Maggie and I were on the lookout for him on the couch. I got sincerely worried about Charlie as the clock inched closer to 10 am. He's got a helluva lot on his plate these days with work being stressful and hectic. He also has to keep the Horsefly going as well on top of work. I've always wondered why Charlie's wife doesn't take a more active role when it regards Horsefly. Her whole career was spent helping intellectually disadvantaged children.

"I got some of those mustard packs you like to eat with your sausage biscuits," Charlie then told me as I gave him a hug. "I always forget every time."

I certainly was out of mustard and glad to get those packs.

"Why don't you come in and say hello to Maggie?" I asked Charlie politely. "It would thrill this dog to death."

"I can't," Charlie told me "I'm  in a hurry and still have three more deliveries to do. My sister, Polly, who lives a few streets over from you is next and she will want me to sit and talk awhile."

I ate breakfast at 10:30 am as they played cops and robbers as they always do on the boob tube. Crime never pays unless you are a television network.

It also about broke Maggie's dear little heart when she sat in the den and watched me eat the second of two sausage biscuits. When I was finished, Maggie tucked her tail between her legs and headed for our bedroom looking defeated. Don't worry. She's not starving.

This Was Not Foreseen At All...

Much like the rest of my life so far...

It was surprisingly drizzling lightly and foggy as I walked out to my car and cranked it up. Maggie ran outside into the backyard barking loudly to clear my way for departure as she often does.

"Shh... don't wake up George!" I told the barking Maggie in a loud whisper as I was climbing into my car. .

"This was odd," I remarked to myself of the very light rain. It certainly was not what the weather guessers had forecast.

I had yet another appointment with my friends down at Wally World. Oh hell, I was mainly lonely and just wanted to be near and around more people.

My first rendezvous was mom and dad's house to pick up my daily sodas and some cigars. Dad said he would put them out on the porch for when I had woke up some. I quietly climbed their lengthy back steps to grab my bag of six sodas and my grape imbued cigarillos. .

Wal-Mart was surprisingly busy for 4 am in the morning. A line had formed behind the  lone solitary cash register that was open. The only item I bought was a $1.25 Baja Blast drink. I find those sugary carbonated lime drinks to be irresistible.

The skies looked overcast and stormy as I drove home -- just a little rain drop here or there on my windshield. This was not forecast by the weather guessers. I shut my front door and a deluge fell from the skies. It was almost perfect timing on my part. It is steadily raining here as I write this blog post.

Saturday, October 15, 2016

And He Lets Loose the Mother of all Yawns...

Charlie has been by with a barbecue plate from the annual barbecue and fundraiser in Waverly, Alabama -- my grandmother's beloved town of her youth and elder years.

"Eat up or it's going to get cold," Charlie remarked to me as he washed the stainless steel utensils and glassware piled up in my sink.

"We've got to get your dishwasher fixed," Charlie noted.

The barbecue plate has already had a 45 minute ride in the Caprica from Waverly to get here and amazingly the plate was still pretty warm.

Charlie was stepping out my front door to take his leave of me when I asked him who was bringing my medications?

"SHIT!" Charlie crassly exclaimed as he started to nervously laugh. "I have your medications in the car. Your daddy would just kill me if I forgot those."

Charlie scrambled to his car and brought back my blister pack of medications and a cold soda to take them with.

I am still in some kind of dream state from sleeping all day. Maggie was a good sport and slept with me all afternoon. She didn't wake me not once today on one of her flights of dog fancy.

Things were fine as I left Wal-Mart and undertook the short drive home. I walked into the door to a grand welcoming from Maggie. Than? The skies opened up in a deluge. I must have planned that little  bit of choreographry to the T.