Computer Woes! How Slow Can You Go?

Charlie’s Janice called me at 9am. I was cleaning up the kitchen after a big breakfast. Tracy hadn't been gone to work for just an hour.

“My computer is running as slow as ever,” she told me woefully over the phone. “It is aggravating to say the least.”

“I’ll be right over,” I told Janice.

She’s running Windows 8.1 with only 4 GB of ram and a cheap Intel Celeron processor. That is her problem. Well, I gathered up a plethora and mötley crüe of sticks of spare RAM and set about hoping one or two would work and fit.

“Surely, she’s still not running DDR2,” I said to myself with a hope and a prayer as I headed to my car.

Janice nervously watched as I took apart her computer on their living room floor.  

Two sticks of Corsair XMS DDR3 8 GB RAM worked much to my surprise! I was elated. That gave Janice 16 GB of RAM. I must've carried twelve sticks with me. It was like a whole different computer. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this first! I was thinking that Dell would have some proprietary RAM and nothing I had would work.

I didn’t leave without getting a big bag of regular and diet Coke which is Charlie’s payment for when I work on their electronic gadgetry. I was happy to get them.

Janice called me back after I had gotten home.

“I don’t know what you did, but you supercharged my computer,” she said with a relieved sounding laugh. “Bless you, Andrew!”

Supper, Tracy, and Janice…

I’ve got mom’s recipe chili bubbling away on the stove. The house smells wonderful. Tracy should be home in about 30 minutes. Charlie also called me this afternoon and said Janice’s computer is acting up. I’ve already got a good idea of what’s going on and I haven’t even seen it yet. I will have to walk Janice through the process of removing the programs she doesn’t use and thus de-clogging Windows 10’s registry. She probably has forty programs and background processes that open on start up whereas I only have ten. My computer would run rings around hers as well. Charlie is so miserly that he buys Janice the cheapest computers except for the laptop he buys her every few years.

“Can I come pick you up in a little while?” Charlie asked. “Her computer is stalling.”

Charlie rolls into town around seven getting home from work.

“Sure,” I replied. “I hope I can fix Janice’s computer.”

Lord knows, Charlies done enough for me over the years. I am thinking of giving Janice one of my decent spare computers.

The only other thing I did today besides straightening up the house and getting lunch and supper started was to buy two surge protectors for my father’s TV and computer. He thought those little power strips were surge protectors. I woefully shook my head. It is getting that time of the year where we get to experience frequent electrical storms as my grandmother would call them. I wanted to get dad protected. His TV is especially sensitive to power surges and outages. 

And the Laptop Ascended into the Light of Heaven and God Said in a Loud and Booming Voice, “This is good!”

Well, I copied over Tracy’s old drive to her new solid state drive. It took about an hour. I was just putting the finishing touches on Tracy’s laptop when she came home from work for lunch. I screwed back on the cover protecting the sodimms and turned the laptop back over.

“Here,” I said handing the laptop to Tracy. “Turn it on.”

I about couldn't suppress my elation any longer. Even a jaded computer guy like me was astounded at the difference.

“You didn’t lose any of my data, did you?” she asked worriedly.

“Just turn it on,” I replied insistently.

Tracy sat down on the couch and turned her laptop on. Normally, it would take her laptop several minutes to boot up. Now, it only takes a handful of seconds.

“Oh my god,” Tracy exclaimed. “That is incredible.”

“And to answer your question, no, none of your data was lost,” I replied.

Tracy gave me a big and long hug and dished out many kudos and attaboys.

A Sunday Good Morning and a Little Laptop Surgery…

I could’ve slept in this morning, but I was up at 8am. I feel like a million bucks. Going to bed early and waking early has made the biggest difference in my life lately. I feel so well and rested.

I never know when Charlie will be here with our Sunday breakfast. It is going on 9am now and he still hasn’t arrived. The earliest he usually arrives is around 8:20am. Tracy is lingering in the bed a little longer than I. (Time warp: Charlie arrived at 9:45am this Sunday)

Let’s Open it Up and Take a Look…

Tracy was complaining last night how slow her laptop has gotten. I don’t know how she stands it. It is slow as molasses, yet she still insists on using it. I ordered a kit from Newegg this morning to convert her laptop from a conventional hard drive to a 500 GB Samsung solid state drive (SSD). That will incredibly supercharge her laptop. The processor is only as fast as it can access data. It will be like a completely different computer. I also ordered enough Crucial sodimms (laptop RAM) to upgrade her memory from 8 GB to 16 GB. RAM is so cheap right now. Why not? That should help as well with no accessing the page file. I love this kind of stuff so it was right up my alley. I get all warm and fuzzy thinking about it.

What’s a Prick or Two Between Friends?

“Andrew, you can come on back,” Rebecca said this morning as I sat anxiously in the lobby.

No sweeter words have ever graced these ears today. They are all so kind to me down at Kamath Medical. I was not very spritely this morning having woken up way before my usual time.

“You’ve still got a lot of congestion,” Rebecca said worriedly.

“And a nasty, hacking cough,” I added.

We talked for a long time about sleeping habits. Rebecca said she still hasn’t shaken the sleeping habits she has had since her children were babies.

“It seems I wake up every hour on the hour,” she told me. “I look at the clock and fall back asleep.”

“My usual habit is to watch Amanpour & Co. on public broadcasting at eleven and then put on classical music around midnight and I fall asleep around one after dozing off and on in my recliner for an hour,” I told her.

She gave me my injection and I was soon on my way back to the pharmacy. I felt exhausted just listening to Rebecca describe how she sleeps.

A Bountiful Monday…

My new video card arrived all the way from New Jersey yesterday. My UPS scenario played out just as foreseen. I plugged it in it’s slot last night, the PCIe x16 slot, and my main computer fired to life after connecting the two 8-pin power cables to the card. There is not a flicker to be found so that means the other card was indeed defective. Tracy also got that job at the small animal clinic. She reports to work for her first day next Wednesday. She was just giddy with glee over the phone last night.

Throwing Down My Gauntlets…

I keep every box my computer parts ever came in. Luckily, I still had the box to my Christmas video card. I drove down to the pharmacy this morning and Matt printed me out an invoice of that sale. It was in my good fortune that the card had a 3 year parts and labor warranty.

Next was corresponding with Newegg to get this video card sent back. I just can’t live without FreeSync functionality (it makes my games smooth as butter) and we paid $500 for this video card. It should work as advertised. The RMA was set up and I went about getting my card in packaging to mail back to Newegg. The process was much easier than I initially thought with much relief on my part. So, hopefully my next card won’t have the issues this one did. I am also going to be without my main computer for at least a week, though. I will mail my package off Monday with insurance applied and hope for the best. 

Tales of Computer Woes…

First, my new Christmas video card has started to flicker while I am browsing the web or playing music. Flick, flick, flicker. It doesn’t do it when I am in a game, thankfully, but it is aggravating to say the least. It just does it in a 2D setting. I’ve tried everything including reseating the card, changing display port cables, and trying it in my den computer. I get the same results. The only thing I haven’t tried is a HDMI connection, but I would lose FreeSync functionality. I guess I am going to have to get a return merchandise authorization from Newegg which will be no easy task as the card was ordered under my father’s account. I will just have to get the invoice and explain to Newegg it was a Christmas gift. Oh, I hate to go through all of that including shipping the card back. Whine. Whine. Whine.

Secondly, the kitchen computer is on a wireless internet connection. I normally get about 400 Mbps down and 50 Mbps up. This morning, it would only hover around 70 Mbps down with lots and lots of jitter. I’ve tried everything to fix it including different and older drivers, moving around the antenna, etc. I get the same results. I guess I will have to order another wireless adapter card to fix it – one in which I will get even much faster speeds hopefully (think AC1900 speeds).

This is all on top of two Logitech 2.1 speaker sets failing. I am having a serious bit of bad luck here at Andrew’s Casa computer wise after smooth sailing for years. I guess if these are my only problems then I am lucky. All of this can be rectified and the den computer is working like a champ so I have a surefire way to blog, knock on wood.

Breakfast By Charlie...

"I moved shit all day yesterday and I am sore as hell today," Charlie told me over Maggie's furtive whinings.

"Well, you are 73 years old and no spring chicken," I replied with a laugh.

"Here's you and Maggie some breakfast," Charlie said, handing me a drink and a sack of food.

It was more Burger King croissants and a Diet Coke from McDonald's. It will make a fine lunch since I had already cooked my and Maggie's four eggs and two strips of bacon.

"Janice was thrilled to death to be back online and to get her computer fixed," Charlie said. "Thank you so much. She spent hours on her iPad last night and swore you did something to make it faster."

"Well, I appreciate the TV as it makes my old one pale in comparison," I replied to Charlie.

"I'm headed to Dadeville," Charlie said of work. "I'll see you two again tonight or tomorrow. Love you."

I told Charlie I loved him as well and he was on his way. Maggie let loose a flurry of "don't go" barks as he walked across my front yard to his car.

I went and got back on my computer when there was another knock on the door. I looked outside and a plumber's truck was sitting at the curb. I walked into the den to open the door.

"You're obviously not a Shanika," the plumber said. "I must have the wrong address."

We both burst out in laughter and he was on his way again. Boy, did it get Maggie's knickers in a twist, though. She barked for a good thirty minutes after he left.

My New Television...

Well, I got Janice's computer situated and running like a well-oiled machine. It had multiple problems. The speakers weren't working, her wifi wasn't connecting to her iPad and iPhone, and the printer wasn't working.

"Simplest things first," I said as I got started troubleshooting which is my motto when working with computers.

The speaker's power cord was unplugged and then the speakers weren't turned on. The printers USB cable wasn't attached to the back of the printer. The wireless router's ethernet connection wasn't inserted into the back of the cable internet modem. Janice was overjoyed at what I got accomplished. I made sure her phone and iPad where online along with the computer and then headed to Papa's house for a rest and some conversation.

Two Little Shits Down. Two or Three More To Go...

My father was right. The Mags and I were laying in the bed about to drift off to sleep when we heard a very loud SNAP! Maggie got up to investigate and I followed her into the kitchen.

"Got one!" I said, pumping my fists into the air after opening the under sink kitchen cabinet and peering in with a flashlight. "Yes!!!"

This is war! (war cry!)

I reset the trap after wiping off the blood. (This is dirty business.) Maggie and I got back in the bed when moments later we heard another SNAP! Yes, we got one more. I reset the trap with some fresh peanut butter and it was quiet for the rest of the night. The rats look like some kind of mouse/rat hybrid at close glance.

Ye Olde Rattle and Grind...

You know you are getting pretty good at fixing computers when an exhaust fan in your computer starts to loudly rattle and grind in the night (the fan's bearings were going out) and you change the fan in just under 20 minutes and you are back in the bed. Yes, I had a fan go out and I replaced it with a spare I had on hand. It was a busy night last night. I am feeling it this afternoon.

The Man of the Manor Greets You...

Gracious extra miles and beyond... 

Mein Charlie brought my medications and all sorts of delicious goodies tonight.

"Andrew and Maggie, how are you?" Charlie asked with his arms full of stuff as he stepped through the door.

Maggie thought this was the best thing since sliced bread and I would agree with her if she could understand what I was saying.

Charlie also had my medications and it sure was about time for them being almost 10 PM. In an hour, I could relax or chillax before retiring to the bed. Computer time has already commenced.

"What have you got in the sacks?" I asked Charlie anxiously.

"I've got you a Zaxby's 6pc chicken tender plate and three leaded regular Coca-Colas," Charlie replied. "I also have your 6 diet Cokes for the evening."

Charlie then reached into his pocket and handed me a king sized Snickers bar which is my favorite candy bar and Charlie knows this. Charlie just spoils me rotten.

"Now, if you need me, then call me," Charlie said as he headed out the door. "I don't go to bed until midnight."

Into the Great Computer Unknown...

I have a hard drive failing and it holds all my music. It is starting to make a noise when it spools up to access data. Thus begins the hassle and rigmarole it takes to get computer parts around here.  I hate to tell my father as he is going to groan. He says I tear up my computers tinkering and fiddling with them.

Have Mercy! Bring Sodas!

And the sodas arrived at nine...

The "Flash" meaning my esteemed father has come and gone. He was quiet and contemplative tonight -- very introspective for him. He was having a moment of retrospection he told me as we sat on our Maggie's couch.

I was talking a mile a minute and I asked him if I was being very aggravating? Next time he visits, I guess I should turn on the TV since he loves it so much. I, personally, was just anxious and hungry for any friends, family or any humankind of all to visit. Anybody! My father left too soon for my tastes.

"It is amazing that you can do that," my father said referring to the working computer spread across my kitchen table in parts.

We were walking through the kitchen to complete Maggie's nightly ritual.

My next project is to get that wired and jumbled mess all neatly into a computer case. I will rejoice if that last screw goes in without incident. I have big hands and even bigger fingers so those little screws aggravate and confound me.

Just Another Sunday Morning in Andrew's Humble Casa...

http://www.memoryamerica.com/

Charlie's been by my house this morning  He was spreading Christmas joy from McDonalds around to all his friends. I was the proud new owner of four very hot sausage biscuits.

I was asleep as Maggie ran to the front door joyously barking. I was jolted awake by the Magster's antics.

"I don't have anything on but my briefs and a t-shirt," I told Charlie from the other side of my closed and locked front door.

I could hear Charlie chuckling on the other side of the door. Charlie didn't mind. He's seen me in my birthday suit before.

"Janice's computer is on the fritz again," Charlie told me before he left.

"Tell her to reboot it and if that doesn't help then I will come right over this afternoon," I told my good buddy, Charlie.

"How do I reboot it?" Charlie asked.

"Press and hold the power button until it turns off and then start it up again with the same power button," I told Charlie. "Firstly, make sure it is plugging up."

In computer repair, always try the simplest things first. This is also an excellent example of why you don't buy a $300 eMachines at Walmart. It is antiquated as soon as when you pull it out of the box. Janice has had nothing but problem after problem with her computer and mainly uses her nice Dell laptop which is her saving grace. She is a big Facebook junkie.

Parting With Parts...

http://techreport.com/

Electro Static Discharge...

Yes, I have a lot of computer projects happening today -- computer stuff that I find laborious, tedious, and boring. I've been putting it off for weeks. Go ahead and tell me my own words that every time to you take that side cover of a computer off you are flirting with disaster. It's true and I am biting the bullet!

I've got to RMA two motherboards today. One board won't allow me to set my RAM speed to 2400 Mhz.  I can't get it pass 1800 Mhz. I also can only reach a stable 1800 Mhz with a 1 volt overclock which is dangerous.

I've also got to RMA another identical motherboard (Z97-Deluxe). It has two network interface cards and only one is working at the moment. I find this extremely aggravating.

"Only send computer part -- can't guarantee return of part left on motherboard," An Asian male told me on the phone..

Another goal on my agenda is taking my Blu-Ray burner drive and installing it in my everyday use computer. I am consolidating all my computer my spare computer parts.

http://techreport.com/

Computers For Papa...

Summer asked if my dishwasher was still broken. Summer, yes it is and I haven't heard an ETA on when it will get fixed. Gosh, that's been going on for months now, hasn't it? Charlie said the other night to be sure and not use it or I would have another flood on my hands.

Those Cantankerous Machines We Can Barely Live Without...

http://speechwriting-ghostwriting.typepad.com/

"You sure you can fix my computer?" my father asked me dubiously in the parking lot of Kroger last night after our shopping spree.

I told him we could just reinstall or reset Windows 10 and it would be like the day he first turned it on several years ago.

"Can I keep all my files?" my father then asked.

"Reinstalling or resetting Windows 10 will leave your files in the last place you put them, but you will have to reinstall all your programs, though," I replied.

His mouse gets slower and slower and then will just quit moving making the computer useless. Right now, it's just a huge paper weight with an attitude.

"Or I could just let you use one of my spare computers," I added. "You won't be disappointed. I promise."

"Let me think about it some more," my father told me as we parted ways heading home for the evening. "I want Matt's opinion as well."

"How long will it take to reset Windows 10?" my father then asked.

"It would take about an hour," I told my father.

Matt is the manager of the pharmacy and my father's go-to "computer guy". He is going to tell my father that he needs a new computer most likely. I put first dibs in on the old computer. It will be a great little internet browsing and blogging computer.

Motherboard Problems...

Maybe someone is out there reading in blogland and will see this and can help!

My motherboard, an ASUS Z97-Deluxe, keeps defaulting the memory voltage to 1.55000 volts. This explains why I was having a terrible time getting my Corsair ram up to 2400 MHz or to even run at all without getting stuck in a continuous boot up cycle.  The ram requires 1.65000 volts to run at that speed and to run correctly.

I finally got the voltage set correctly at 1.65500 volts, but can only get the ram to run at 2133 MHz and not its rated 2400 MHz. This experience has been terribly aggravating for me. I stayed up till 2am troubleshooting this last night.

Bright, Sunshiny Day Ahead...

It is cold tonight for so late in spring, but the day is supposed to be beautiful. My wireless weather station is reporting 39° degrees at 3:36 am. We have patchy frost advisories out for our neck of the woods. I hope it doesn't freeze the tender new grass I have begun growing on my lawn. My yard has transformed from a drab brown to an emerald green in just a week. I know all the yard services are rejoicing after a long winter. It is time to go make some money.

Some of the stuff I had going on tonight or the early morning I should say...

1. Fixed an ailing fan in my emulation/retro computer.
2. Ate me some fried chicken while Maggie begged for more and more. I am saving the mashed potatoes and gravy and the slaw for a snack later in the morning.
3. Dicked around for about an hour trying to get the Samsung Magician application to work with my emulation computer with no luck.
4. Played a few hours of the original Phantasy Star.
5. Got my emulation computer hooked up to a surge protector finally.
6. Organized all the wiring around my main gaming rig computer in the den which was a bird's nest.  

I am excited about going to get another surge protector for another computer today at Walmart. I told my mother I would call her late in the afternoon after I have slept for the day. I will probably have to get mom in a wheelchair as she needs a few things as well.

Patience Young Grasshopper...

My father cooked corned beef hash tonight. Our British cousins eat it with fried eggs. Dad and mom are probably just sitting down to eat right now. I would be welcomed over to eat and take my medications, but I want dad to stop by here for Maggie's sake. His arrival is the highlight of her day. I have to be patient, though. We have two treats tonight: a good meal and mind calming medications.

I slept most of the afternoon after Maggie got me up at the crack of dawn this morning for breakfast. It was dark when I woke and very disorienting. Maggie was making some loud slurping and snorting noises as she licked her naughty bits.

I've also been doing some computer software spelunking. I keep getting a virus on both my bedroom and den computers and I finally found the culprit a few minutes ago. A virus was slipping in via my Samsung Magician software -- software that optimizes the speed of my solid state drive. It is so frustrating because now I have to reset Windows 10 and install all my hardware drivers and software again.

30 minutes later: Yeap, it was the Samsung Magician software that was borking my system. I couldn't even restart or go back to an earlier restore point. I am happy to have that resolved.  Now, to get on some of my favorite computer message boards and spread the news.

If It Ain't Broke Then Don't Fix It...

I say that over and over all the time and fail to do it too. I just had a bad computer user caused screw-up to happen. It was purely my impatience that caused it. Samsung notified me that a new firmware update was available for my solid state drive. I was upgrading the perfectly working drive's firmware and it was taking a long time so I hit reset on the computer and it erased the freaking drive! I should have left good enough alone! Thankfully, I've got the drive up and running Windows 10 from a system restore I had of that drive stored on a DVD-RW disc. Everything is back to normal now. Whew!

image credit: https://www.hardwareheaven.com/2013/07/samsung-840-evo-solid-state-drive-review/

Getting the Kinks Out...

So. I wake up this morning at 9:45 am. It was a chilly 67° degrees in my house so I set my heat on 76° and the house is just now starting to get warm.  I was dying for an ice cold glass of water so I went and poured me one out of the fridge.

I then walked back into my bedroom and pushed the power button of my coveted and cherished bedroom computer and nothing happens. This has been my preferred computer lately as my bedroom is so warm compared to the den where the juggernaut computer lies in front of a big, drafty window.  I've been having problems for days with this bedroom computer.

Today, I get a BIOS error code 55 which means the memory is not installed or is installed incorrectly. Sure thing, one of my memory sticks was not firmly seated in its socket.  I hear the familiar loud "click" as I push it in tightly and the computer boots up fine. Home-brew computer building is not for the faint of heart I tell ya.

My next project for the day is installing my Nvidia Geforce 260 GTX video card in this computer which I originally thought was the problem. Right now, I am using the integrated graphics on my processor which is lacking in processing prowess.  I will just feel better with that 260 GTX card installed in this computer. *installed!*

About an Hour Later, The Wee Little Ones Are Hungry...

Maggie was standing at the bedroom door making little mewling noises and being very needy.

"What's wrong girl?" I asked worriedly after a vigorous back scratch.

She continued to nuzzle my thigh.

I had gotten so carried away with computer stuff this morning that I had forgotten breakfast. I hadn't even started my coffee for the day.  I quickly fixed Maggie two eggs in the microwave and forewent breakfast for myself. I've got some chicken parmigiana in the microwave for lunch. We're going to be having sandwiches and Ruffles potato chips.