Sandwich Night at Andrew’s Casa…

Maggie had been bugging me all day about something to eat other than dogfood. I got her some .59 cent packs of corned beef and roast beef tonight as a snack. I gave her one immediately after putting my groceries away and the whimpering and whining stopped. Yeah, Maggie plays me like a card, but she can sound so pitiful – as if she is starving to death. I noticed she had a full bowl of dogfood, though. Sucker!

“You okay, Chuck?” dad asked as we walked across Kroger’s parking lot with our carts.

I had been quiet all night and dad said I looked pale as a ghost.

“I feel as if I am going to jump out of my skin,” I told my father as we began to load up our groceries. “Just be glad you don’t have a mental illness. Getting out tonight was tough on me for some reason.”

“In a few short hours, you will be taking your main medications again. Get a good night’s sleep and you will feel better in the morning,” he told me without much more consolation. “Come over at eleven and drink you an ice cold diet Coke. That’ll make you feel better.” 

It is just one of those things I go through from time to time. I will feel better, like my father said, after a good night’s sleep. When I arrived home, I took my nightly dosages of Klonopin and Coreg and now feel much better as I write this – the anxiety abating some.

On the food front, I got all kinds of things to make delicious sandwiches from and spent only $62 dollars. I got some fresh baked dark Jewish rye from the deli that just looks delectable and smells heavenly. I also got all kinds of thin shaved meats. I splurged and bought a bottle of Grey Poupon spicy mustard as well. I love how it opens the sinuses when you eat it if you spread it on liberally. The last thing on my list was cheese and I stocked up on a mötley crüe from muenster to pepper jack.  

Mwahahaha…The Kroger Bandito Rides Again…

“I’m warning you ahead of time,” I told my father as he pushed his cart in front of me. “I bet I spent $90 dollars, but I was out of everything.”

“That’s okay,” he said which surprised me. “You are a few days behind anyway.”

I guessed it pretty correctly. I spent $89.99. Dad didn’t even flinch. You can’t get any closer than that!

I am trying to eat more meal like nutrition instead of just snacking around the clock or grazing as dad likes to call it. I am trying hamburger and tuna helper for the first time in many years. I am also making lots of rice dishes like chicken, cheddar, broccoli, and rice. I also had to remind dad that I am feeding more than just little ole me. I am feeding Tracy as well.

Well, I got home and unloaded my groceries and I couldn’t find the thank you card I had bought for my sister. I wanted to thank her for the wonderful clothes she bought me for Christmas. Much diligence was taken in finding the right card. I tried to call my father and catch him before he left Kroger from doing his shopping, but he wasn’t answering his phone.

“I am going to drive back up there and look in the cart,” I told Maggie as I headed out the door to the car.

There it was sweet baby jeebus. In the cart as I had pushed it into the bin. I was so relieved. It was so inconspicuous that it wouldn’t be stolen easily. I snatched it out of the cart as the cart boy looked on quizzically and hurried home. 

An A For Effort…

“Your body is here, but I think you left your mind at home,” dad told me tonight chuckling as we stood in line at Kroger.

“When you called me, Maggie and I were sound asleep on the couch!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t think we would grocery shop until Monday night!”

Dad also remarked on the Hebrew National franks I had in my cart.

“I like just a regular hotdog myself,” he said. “The cheap kind. Those Hebrew Nationals are too Frou Frou.”

I balked, telling him how delicious Hebrew National franks were.

“Get me some diced onions and meaty chili and I am in heaven!”

I cringed when the final tally was told. I had spent over $80 dollars again. Dad just shrugged and said he was glad I was getting enough food. I thanked him for being so kind.

“A few weeks there you only got $40 dollars worth and it worried me,” he said.

I really was in la-la land tonight. When I got home and started to unload my groceries, I left my car’s stereo playing so I could listen to it while I brought my groceries inside. I had backed up in the front yard to the front door. When I finished, I couldn’t figure out why the key wouldn’t come out of the ignition. I had turned off the car with it still in reverse. Duh! I put the car in park and out came the key.

With Trembling Hands He Goes Forth…

“Your hands are trembling,” my father said as we met down an aisle in Kroger this afternoon.

“I am a little overwhelmed by the crowd of folks in here,” I replied of a very busy Kroger.

“Now you see why I insist on going around nine at night,” he told me.

Dad was just getting back in town and called me to meet him at Kroger to buy our groceries. He had been at my brother’s house watching Auburn win a bowl game. He was very excited and overjoyed at the win.

“War Eagle!” he said to me. “Come on, let’s get you checked out and home safe and sound.”

I followed my father up front and soon we were walking to our cars.

“You, after all these years, still have trouble in social situations. Don’t you?” he asked as we walked.

“It gets to me at times, but at least I can muddle on through in these later years,” I told him. “Used to, I wouldn’t allow myself to be put in these kinds of situations.”

I got lots of good food tonight and spent over eighty dollars. Tracy and I are having grilled hamburgers and hot dogs New Year’s Day. The ribeye's were $8.99 a pound and that was too rich for my blood. Time to dust off and clean the grill sitting in the basement. I just hope the weather cooperates.  

Getting in the Spirit of Things…

YES! Kroger had colored Christmas lights in sets of 100. I bought four packs at $2.49 each. I was surprised at the price and expected to pay much more. I am getting in the Christmas spirit slowly but surely. I already have my step railings decorated. Next, I am going to tackle my shrubbery tomorrow when the day warms up some. Burr! It is cold out there tonight. One nice thing about mom’s Honda is that it warms up quickly. It was toasty warm by the time I arrived at Kroger. 

I didn’t buy much of a way as far as things to eat. I just mainly got breakfast foods for when Tracy stays over and sandwich fixins. Dad fussed a little bit about it but I assured him things were fine. The total was still $61 dollars despite what little bit I got. I got plenty of cheese on wheat crackers and peanut butter which I live on these days. I also got a big pack of smoked sliced turkey and a loaf of Sunbeam old fashioned bread. My big expenditure and splurge was two eight packs of lemon/lime Gatorade. Each bottle only has 140 calories which is far short of sugary soda. I get so tired of drinking copious amounts of water all the time.

I was also thinking of my Magster tonight. She gets so tired of eating just Purina One so I got her some of those Nekot lemon crème cookies to eat. I will only give them to her sparingly, but she loves them. It makes for a happy and content dog. She has a sweet tooth like her owner.

Trouble in Paradise…

9:00 pm rolled around and Charlie and Papa still hadn’t arrived with my and Maggie’s meals. I tried calling my father but it dumped me into his voicemail. 9:30 pm came and soon they pulled up to the curb. That's the latest arrival of them all. Maggie had been looking out the window for over two hours. She just went nuts and never gave up hope that they would arrive. I told her they were coming too early.

“We were caught in the drive-thru from hell,” Charlie told me.

“I got to thinking y’all had a car accident,” I replied.

I had ordered Wendy’s (a double/w cheese) tonight and thought that might have been the hang up, but it wasn’t. It was that dastardly KFC who always gets orders wrong and has a slow drive-thru. I’ve deemed them the screwiest KFC in the South. Horsefly has to have their chicken tenders thus the reason Charlie and Papa put themselves through that every week. They consistently cause problems.

Maggie was really “talking” to Charlie and Papa tonight. It always warms my heart when she does that. She was so excited she was almost beside herself. She doesn’t get to see them nearly enough as she wants to.

It has been a quiet day other than tonight’s little SNAFU. Charlie brought breakfast about 9 am – three sausage biscuits and a diet Coke. I drove over to my father’s house after finishing breakfast. He had his Christmas tree up and lit and I helped him decorate it. It really looked beautiful. Dad inherited mom’s beautiful ornaments and decorations. I always get a live tree so I have to wait until mid December to get my Christmas tree as they dry out so easily. I am hoping Kroger sells Christmas lights so I can decorate my shrubbery and step railing tomorrow night after we buy groceries. My neighbors across the street are putting on a grand show with lights and Christmas icons that are projected on the side of their house.

I Make a Mean Sammich…

We seem to be back on track as far as our grocery buying schedule is concerned. Monday night it is! I still had a lot of food left from last week so this allowed me to buy things I normally couldn’t afford like a two pack of large Jif peanut butter jars. Those were $11 dollars. I think my total was around $75 dollars tonight.

I lost two pounds last week so I continued with the trend of what I ate last week. Sandwiches aren’t a binge food for me as it takes care and time to make them. I got smoked provolone, garlic and herb jack, baby swiss, and tomato and herb jack cheeses tonight. I also got two pounds of sliced Boar’s Head roasted turkey from the deli. That stuff was expensive!!! I rounded it all out with two loaves of the rich and yeasty Artisan bakery bread I have become enamored with. Dad asked me tonight that he had noticed I was buying that now and how it tasted.

“Softest and freshest bread I have tasted on the bread aisle,” I told him.

I have been searching for such a bread for months nay years now.

My big splurge item besides the sliced turkey was a big bottle of Califia iced mocha coffee.

For my one sweet item, I bought a bunch of bananas instead of 4 bags of powdered Hostess donuts. Hey, I am trying.

Old Fuss and Feathers did his shopping while I shopped as well. He returned from putting his groceries in his car just as I was ready to check out. We were perfectly choreographed tonight.

We both gawked as we walked to our cars. The police had someone pulled over in the parking lot.

“Glad that’s not me!” Old Fuss and Feathers loudly said.

“Such a terrible feeling,” I replied as I shook my head.

I paid careful heed to the speed limits on the drive home. The police were out in force this evening. There was no lack of flies for their fly traps tonight it seemed as I saw another car pulled over down highway 29.  I know this sounds cynical, but they probably had a quota and needed the revenue.

The Shade Tree Mechanic…

Jermaine called me today and said his engine is running really rough now. He can’t afford to take it to a real mechanic. They’d take Jermaine and his old car to the bank. I swung by his house and got $60 dollars from him. I then drove to AutoZone and ordered the parts we need to tune up his engine. I also got some carburetor cleaner as well.

“The parts will be here Monday,” I told him to his relief.

He about fell over himself thanking me. I spent some time spraying carburetor cleaner in his throttle body hoping that would lessen the rough idle. It helped some, but he desperately needs new spark plug wires. His were all cracked and frayed in sections. With new spark plugs, wires, and a cap and rotor, it should solve all his problems.  We can get that big old 402 cubic inch V-8 running smoothly again.

Mayfield's Birthday Cake Ice Cream…

That’s what I bought tonight at Kroger and it is delicious. Dad and I are just now getting around to buying groceries this week. I had a lot of food left from last week and we both kept putting it off despite my father giving me a lecture on how we need to stay on schedule. I was down to two Lean Cuisines this morning and told my father we better go tonight and he agreed. From the moment I left the house, to the moment I was putting up my groceries, only 30 minutes had elapsed. Now, that’s what I call some grocery shopping.

Tonight’s Kroger Battle Cry…

Greek Yogurt!!! And Kroger Slim-Right!!!

Reporting to Kroger, Sir!

My diet got really serious tonight. I didn’t buy 4 bags of powdered donuts and several gallons of whole milk with a side of sugary cereal. The big value boxes of unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts got left on the shelf. The hardest thing I gave up were my whole grain and cheddar crackers. Those things were irresistible to me, but six little crackers were 200 calories.

“Oh, I could eat you all up!” I muttered to myself as I passed the Hostess and Little Debbie shelves on my way to get a loaf of bread.

One time, my mother lost a lot of weight drinking those Slimfast drinks and I bought a case of them tonight. It was my biggest expense at $15 dollars and some change. That’s going to be my lunch. I also absolutely love Klondike bars and imagine my elation when they offered a sugar free version. I ate one when I got home and it was delicious. I couldn’t wait to try it.

Some of the other foods I got were fat free black cherry Greek yogurt for snacking, sugar free drink mixes to replace the copious amounts of whole milk I used to drink, and quite a few Lean Cuisine meals. I rounded out my groceries with my two journal writing sodas which were two diet Mountain Dews. I resisted buying the super calorific Baja Blast variant even though I wanted them quite earnestly. They have 380 calories per bottle compared to the 10 calories of the diet variant. I think I picked wisely.  

So, what was the damage dealt tonight? I spent $91 dollars. My father was fine with it realizing I was in uncharted waters with all this dieting food. I bought too many Lean Cuisine meals for the most part. Junk food is so less expensive as well. Four bags of Hostess powdered donuts will only cost you $8 dollars. A big bag of Cheetos puffs only costs $3 dollars. Whole milk is only $2.20 a gallon at Kroger.

“You’ll get better as you go,” my father kindly told me as we headed to our respective cars.

We were both glad we missed the big swath of rain headed our way. It started raining as soon as I arrived home and was unloading my groceries. Dad called me as I was unloading and said we had perfect timing on those regards tonight. I agreed.

Ouch! Does that Hurt?

Charlie and I were checking out at Kroger tonight when Charlie just casually asks the clerk about her nose ring. Charlie has the gift of the gab that I don’t possess.

“Did it hurt to get it put in?” Charlie asked the very young and beautiful lady.

“It wasn’t that bad,” she replied with a warm smile.

She pulled on her nostril to show us how it was connected on the inside.

“Ouch!” Charlie yelped.

“She looked just like Amy Winehouse nose adornment and all,” I told Charlie as we left the store. “Just stunning!”

I had to explain to Charlie who Amy Winehouse was and how she came to her tragic end.

I spent $87 dollars tonight and Charlie said I should have spent more. He would’ve taken the blame. I knew I should have spent the $12 bucks for those Gain laundry detergent pods and Gain fabric softener. I am almost out, but feared the cost. I did get a a lot of diet friendly foods, though. I am really serious about this losing weight – more serious about anything I’ve been serious about in years. I want to be slim and trim in three months.

A Labor of Love…

Maggie's started to develop another eye infection and her yeast infection on her neck and chest is trying to make a comeback as well. I got the bright idea that I would just call Dr. Thomas instead of taking Maggie out to the Vet for a visit. I got a Vet technician on the phone and explained the situation and the problem.

“It is just sheer torture to Maggie to take her out there for a visit and I am not up to the task as well,” I explained to her. “Can y’all prescribe me some antibiotics and I come out and pick them up?”

She said she would talk to Dr. Thomas and would call me back. Well, about 30 minutes later she called me back and said they had a bottle of antibiotics for Maggie and some antimicrobial shampoo for me to pick up. I had never been so relieved in my life. You should have heard me sigh with relief. I quickly drove out to the clinic which is not far from my house and Dr. Thomas was at the door waiting on me when I arrived.

“If it gets worse, you are going to have to bring her in,” he told me after I once again described the problem.

Bless Maggie’s heart. She just couldn’t take all of that. I profusely thanked Dr. Thomas for helping me out and for being so accommodating. He has often said we are some of his best patients. Now, it is time for the hard part. Getting these pills down Maggie’s throat. She will pout with me for hours after I give her one. I am going to have to do it Martha style who was the master at giving our pets their medications. She could do it lightning quick down the old gullet before our pets knew what hit them. 

No Mas Food…

Old Fuss and Feathers leaves for a beach trip tomorrow morning. He won’t be back until Saturday week. I will be in the capable hands of mein Charlie. I had to strike while the iron was hot. I didn’t buy enough groceries and called him and told him. He didn’t sound very happy.

“I’ll come over to your house around one and then we will go to the grocery store,” he said. “I have to get my hair cut at noon.”

At least he was dressed and out and about. I reminded him that this is an extremely rare and odd occurrence and he sounded a little better after that. I knew I should have spent more than $62 dollars. I was impetuous and trying to get out of the grocery store as fast as possible and make it home. It is one of my least favorite tasks.

Addendum:

Papa and cousin Johnny are going to buy me groceries as we speak. It will be interesting to see what they buy me when they return. My nerves are bad today and I just couldn’t go. I am having one of my off days.

A Tale of Lincoln Woe…

“Head on up there and get started and I will meet you in the store,” Charlie said over his cellphone.

I got in my shiny new chariot and headed to Kroger. It is grocery night. I was finished shopping by the time Charlie arrived.

“I was putting gas in the white truck,” Charlie told me. “Did you have to wait long?”

“I just have finished,” I replied, parked in front of the batteries so people could get by.

We checked out and I turned to push my cart and Jermaine was in front of me blocking my forward progress. He was sitting in his scooter.

“You’ll never guess what happened,” he told me. “My engine locked up in my car. It is a big old Lincoln Continental. It had all kinds of radiator problems as well.”

“I hate to hear that,” I told Jermaine sincerely – worried how he would ever afford a used car..

Charlie stepped in and told Jermaine we were in a hurry. Charlie is always in a hurry. He had Horsefly at the bowling alley he told Jermaine. Jermaine had a hundred questions about Horsefly as they had classes together in high school. Charlie didn’t have time for that and told Jermaine he hoped he got a car and that he had to get Andrew home and his groceries put up.

“I’d still be in there chatting with him if it weren’t for you,” I told Charlie.

“You just need to learn how to handle Jermaine,” Charlie replied to me with a harumpff.

So much for Southern hospitality.

Cheap Date…

I only spent $51 dollars on groceries tonight. I had so much food leftover from last week. Most of tonight's expenditures was breakfast foods and laundry detergent and softener.

“You sure you have enough?” my father asked cautiously.

“I will be fine,” I reassured my father.

Commercials do work and my only impulse buy was some French style yogurt called Qui. I keep seeing their commercials on TV and decided to give them a try.

A New Day Dawned…

Maggie and I had to make do with Kraft singles cheese toast this morning. It was almost laughable. I had run out of cheddar. We are going tonight after Janice’s birthday party to buy groceries.

“Can you do both?” Dad asked worriedly about me.

“We are going to give it the good college try,” I replied to him.

“My Apple TV keeps messing up,” Dad told me. “Could you come look at it? It is driving me crazy! Halfway through a show it will cutout.”

I headed to my father’s house after a spat of summer rain ended.

“I think we need a new wireless router,” dad said. “It keeps saying the signal is weak or no signal.”

“Let me think and get my bearings,” I told my father.

It then malfunctioned as I was watching The Crown and I knew exactly what it was.

“It’s your cheap GE HDMI cable,” I told me father.

I switched out the HDMI cable and things have worked swimmingly for the rest of the afternoon. Dad was just lavishing me with praise he was so overjoyed. He called me a genius. He watches Apple TV and Netflix more than he does regular cable these days.

Itchy Scalp! Scratch! Scratch! Scratch!

“I’m probably going to spend over $100 dollars tonight,” I warned my father as we walked into Kroger tonight. “I need a mop, lots of cleaning supplies, paper plates and bowls, dandruff shampoo, and deodorant.”

“Let me get a buggy and pay for those items and you just pay for your food,” dad replied.

I gave my father a heartfelt thank you. It was worrying me to no end. I didn’t quite know how to tell him until it all blurted out.

“You’re heading in the wrong direction,” my father said at one point. “Where are you going?”

“I got turkey pepperoni by accident and that is just a travesty.”

“Don’t forget your journal writing sodas,” my father said as we both stood in line to checkout.

I grabbed two Baja Blast sodas tonight (my favorite soda). We were quickly rung up and headed out the door. I had to play bagboy tonight and handled that task with aplomb.

I still managed to spend $82 dollars on food, but dad was kind and didn’t say anything about it. $75 is supposed to be my new limit. Inflation, you know?

The Art of Cantaloupe Sniffing…

Yes, I ran into Jermaine in produce tonight. He explained to me the art of picking the right cantaloupe. I just wanted some bananas.

“Smell that!” he said handing me a cantaloupe. “That one is just right! And feel the skin as well. It has a certain give.”

“Well, you are just a right professor of cantaloupes,” I told him, handing back the melon.

Earlier, as the night began…

“What are you going to spend tonight?” my father asked me on the jaunt across the parking lot.

“Seventy five dollars,” I told him. “I’ve got it all planned out.”

My total came to exactly $75 dollars tonight just as I had said. Dad looked at me astonished as he swiped the debit card.

“Are we still going to do my $100 a month in computer parts?” I asked my father apprehensively as we walked out of Kroger.

“Yes you can,” he said. “Just keep it to $100 and under.”

I was beaming inwardly at my elation. I emailed my parts to Matt as soon as I got home from grocery shopping – just two keyboards, a 3.5mm stereo cable extension, and some thumbscrews.

Looking Back to Monday Night…

It was just turning out to be your average Monday night grocery buying trip until my father and I stepped inside Kroger.

“Ma’am step to the side here while we talk to you,” a policeman said to a woman with a cart of hundreds of dollars worth of food.

Apparently, she had tried to walk out of Kroger's with that cart undetected. Another policeman stood to the side talking on his cell phone.  

“Shit!” my father muttered under his breath as he looked at me. “This is a cluster f—k.”

All the checkout lanes were congested and busy as well.

“Let’s hope things clear up while we shop,” my father told me as we parted ways.

He needed to do some shopping as well.

When I caught up with my father, he asked me if I was sure I had enough food.

“It will add up,” I assured him. “I have about $75 dollars of food although it doesn’t look like it.”

Judy, an elderly lady we often get, checked us out. My total came to $72 dollars.

“You were right!” dad told me looking astonished.

Dad then got embroiled in a conversation about Judy driving for Uber and what it was like.

We were walking to our cars talking about Judy’s industriousness when dad said, “We forgot Maggie’s medicine.”

Back inside we went to get some Cortisone and some Neosporin. Maggie’s had a bad yeast infection break out on her neck and chest and I have just about cleared it up using these two medications.

Hunger Says Buy Me!

As soon as my father and I stepped into Kroger tonight, I sent him on a mission.

"Dad, get me some paper bowls and a small jar of peanut butter," I told him.

He said he was on the job and moments later caught me looking at applesauce and handed me the items. I swear by paper bowls both for snacks and meals and the peanut butter was for my rattraps. It is very quiet rodent wise tonight which gets my hopes up. Maybe they've moved out? There is nothing to eat within their reach. I bought some sticky glue traps tonight and we will see how they work as well.

I was on a mission myself for healthy foods to eat that don't have a lot of calories and that are filling. I bought all natural apple sauce, no sugar added fruit cups, cottage cheese, tuna creations, ready rice for the tuna, etc. Dad then proceeded to put a more modest amount of Lean Cuisine meals in my cart this time. He got sticker shock last week with the amount we spent.

I did really well on my diet this week. I actually surprised myself. I am still afraid to step on my scales for what I may see, though. I haven't weighed since this all began.

I've Got the Going On a Diet Blues...

I did terribly on my diet last week. I ate pretty much everything in sight.

"Let's try this," my father said as we were walking into Kroger. "Cook you two eggs and a strip of bacon for breakfast and then eat a lean cuisine meal for lunch and supper."

 "Alright," I said moping. "I'll give it a try."

Dad was running way late tonight and the Pig was about to close so we went to Kroger.

All my extra weight resides in my waist and my cheeks are looking full giving me a puffy faced and pot-bellied look. My late grandmother would say I looked healthy. Of course, she grew up during the Great Depression.

We immediately headed to the frozen food aisle and I let my father pick out enough meals to last till next Monday. He seemed to be enjoying himself. I also had to get a big bag of Maggie's hifalutin dog food. That was $15 out of my budget. They also had six packs of diet 7-UP in the bottles for four for $10 dollars and I stocked up on them as well.

I allowed myself one splurge and that is my Little Debbie honey buns and a gallon of milk.

"You can have one honey bun heated and consumed with a glass of milk before bed," my father said. "That way you won't feel so deprived."

The total came out to be well over $100 dollars with all those expensive Lean Cuisine meals and we bought quite a few. My freezer is full.