A Father’s Uncouth Advice…

**** PARENTAL/FEMALE ADVISORY ****

“I know what’s wrong with you,” dad said sitting in his recliner across from me tonight.

Charlie was sitting on the couch. I was sitting in mom’s old recliner. I had just got finished telling them both what a rough day I had yesterday.

“It’s these internet girlfriends that have gotten you all in a twit,” dad said.

“John, he gets lonely at that house by himself all the time,” Charlie said in my defense.

“Son,” dad said seriously with a stern look. “When it comes to women, your hand is your best friend.”

“That’s gross dad!” I exclaimed loudly.

Charlie loudly echoed my thoughts. Old Fuss and Feathers laughed and laughed.

“It’s true and you both know it’s true!” Old Fuss and Feathers said laughing some more. “It’ll keep you out of women trouble for sure.”

A Softer, Gentler, and More Benign Father...

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Dad's cell phone was out of service today so I took a gamble and called the landline. That's mom's territory. He immediately picked up the phone to my relief.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with my phone today!" he said sounding frustrated and agitated.

He was like a babe lost in the woods.

"Can I come and get my Cokes?"  I asked my father rather timidly with lots of hope,

"Sure! Come on over," he said, sounding very congenial. "We'll take your medications as well."

"Could it be that easy? That was easy!" I thought to myself gobsmacked.

Dad was fixing to leave to go talk to his lawyer about my mother's legal matters. This didn't stop us from having a good and lengthy conversation beforehand. Dad was talking about sex today and wanted to know the first girl I slept with and how old I was.

"It was Denise," I told my father rather embarrassingly. "And I thought she hung the moon. I must have been 17 years old."

Maggie Tickles Me Sometimes…

Maggie was putting up a fuss about something this morning – making a lot of noise directed at me.  It turned out that the grass was very wet with dew, she had to go to the bathroom something fierce, and didn’t want to get her feet wet.  I am not joking.  That crazy dog.  The urge to go potty finally grew too strong and out the dog door she went. Now? She is on the den floor licking her wet paws.

SeX talK…

Christina Said…

I disagree, respectfully. As a fellow human of the world, you owe her truth. I simple "We're not a fit" is the truth. No need to lie, and no need to explain every last detail of why you're not a fit for each other. Think about if you were on the receiving end of a rejection. Would you want to think that person is making up a story. The story is to save you the discomfort of rejecting her. Not her.
On a personal note: I agree that someone who posts something as crude as how to give a proper BJ on social media is not someone I'd want to date. (Just cus it shows some immaturity). But be honest....do you really think oral sex is demeaning? Why? We're adults here, let's discuss....

I guess I am a babe in the woods are far as sex is concerned.  Now, mind you, I enjoy pleasuring a woman with cunnilingus, but I don’t like blow jobs for all those times down at the Piggly Wiggly when all the crack whores were giving blowjobs behind the store to get up money to buy crack cocaine.  I associated blowjobs as being a demeaning act for crack whores and drug lords. 

World of WarCraft…

My dwarf hunter made it to level 20 this morning.  I expected there to be fanfare! LOL  The game is getting increasingly harder as time passes and I level up.  I have yet to tap into the social part of the game just yet, though.  It seems as if there is everyman for himself – everyman trying to level up as fast as they can while I am just enjoying a slow ride to ascension.