I was on Fire…

One of the guys in the third shift grocery department was regaling me in tales of various customers early this morning on one of my in store wandering breaks.

“We have this one old lady that comes in at 6am once a week for milk,” he said. “She will go through every gallon until she finds the milk with the longest expiration date often taking 30 minutes to do so.  I call her the milk maid like in that Kevin Smith movie Clerks.”

I smiled.  I could imagine a steadfast little lady studiously going through all the milk to find the best expiration offering.  Just one of those idiosyncrasies you deal with in retail. 

“The produce handlers are the worst,” he said as he began to smile and laugh.  “They will handle and punch the fruit trying to find the ripest ones.  They end up bruising and ruining a lot of our produce.”

Work was very busy when I arrived at five AM.  I clocked in and sleepily began to gather all the haphazardly scattered carts into long strings to be pushed inside by the mechanical pusher.  It was so nice and cool this morning belying the heat I would often experience around ten in the morning as the sun got higher in the sky on my previous shift.

It took me two hours to get caught up and daylight was just showing over the horizon to the east.  I headed back to the electronics department to hang out until my supervisor arrived at work.  Kim wouldn’t be into work until eight.  I was missing her.  I spent my time looking at the big screen LCD televisions daydreaming about one day purchasing one of the monstrosities on display. If I can ever justify spending $1500 dollars on a TV.  That’s a lot of carts to push and yards to mow. 

My supervisor finally arrived at eight and I was eager to share with her about how the morning went.  She was in a very good mood – very chipper.  

“Cart’s were everywhere when I arrived,” I told her. “It took me two hours to get caught up.”

“How did you like your first early morning?” she asked after thanking me for my hard work.

“I love it!” I replied excitedly. “I am a morning person anyway.  I like the wee hours of the morning the best.”

“I knew I could trust you to do a good job for me,” she told me.

I beamed with pride. I always like it when she brags on me.  It makes me feel like a million dollars. 

Kim had also arrived at eight.  I quickly left my supervisor eating some sausage biscuits from McDonald’s and headed back to her department.

“Hey gorgeous,” I said as I walked up to her counter.

She looked so pretty today.  Dressed in a blue shirt which showed ample cleavage and beige pants.  Those myriad of rings around her fingers as usual.  Her chubby little Drew Barrymore smile was on her face as always.  Kim is always smiling.  She also had on a beautiful necklace from which a blue butterfly was dangling – butterflies being her favorite thing just like the tattoo of one on her shoulder.  I could smell her subdued perfume from across the counter.

“You and me. Tonight,” she said with a sly grin.

“What are we going to do?” I asked, smiling back, looking demure.

“I have something naughty in mind,” she told me lustfully.  

My heart fluttered in my chest for a moment there. 

“Your house or mine?” I asked.

“My house,” she said. “I am cooking you dinner and then we are going to have some wine and then…”

“Then?”

“I am going to show you what a real woman can do for her man,” Kim told me grinning vigorously.

Kim’s coworker was standing nearby and jokingly told us to go get a private room.  We both laughed. “You two are making me sick at my stomach! You’re are so sappy!” she said.

“I better get back to work,” I told her,  having wasted enough time. “What time tonight?”

“Come over about six,” Kim said. “I will call you when I get off and get dinner started.”

I said goodbye and went back out to finish catching up on the carts before I got off from work.  It took four long strings of carts to push before I had the parking lot empty of carts and ready for Quinton to start his shift.  I gladly clocked out and drove home with a smile thinking tonight might just be the big night Kim and I finally do the old horizontal tango.  I think we are both ready and have waited long enough.  The recent cessation of that medication that was causing my sexual dysfunction was already leaving my system and I felt a longing for Kim like I haven’t felt in years.  I was on fire!

Well, I must get busy mowing lawns.  Two of my regular customers have already called yesterday saying they need their lawns mowed – the petite black lady and her older morbidly obese sister.  I also need to mow my own lawn as well  and will do that afterwards. Business comes first, though.  It is going to be so nice pulling my mower in it’s trailer with my car instead of riding over there to their houses on it many blocks away.  Things certainly are looking up these days.  

S-E-X…

I was sitting down in the park late last evening drinking my two sunset brews and talking to Kim on the phone.  We were talking about how long someone should wait before sleeping together for the first time after starting dating.

“I slept with Rachel within days of us meeting,” I told her. “You know how that ended.  Divorce.  We moved way too fast.  Before I knew it I was married.”

“I slept with Bill on our first date,” Kim told me of her ex-husband.

“We seem to be moving at a much slower pace,” I replied, relieved.  I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for the big commitment yet.

“The other night in your car was so hard, though,” she told me. “I wanted you to come inside and for us to make love.”

“There will be plenty of time for that,” I replied. “Let’s get to know each other better.  I want you to be my best friend first and foremost.  I already consider you my best friend besides George.”

I had successfully changed the subject with the mention of George.  I was growing uncomfortable with all this talk of sex and making love – my insecurities showing themselves. 

“How did you and George meet?” Kim then asked.

“Oh, I thought George was crazy when we first met,” I replied laughing. “I would walk down to the Piggly Wiggly everyday to buy my beer and George would ask for one from me.  He kept talking about me being in the Navy as a special ops and telling the gang down at the Piggly Wiggly of all the ‘sand niggas’ I killed in the Iraq war.”

Kim laughed. “You certainly don’t seem like the military type.  I should know with Bill.”

“He also thought he knew Rachel and would tell me he was going to call her and get us back together.  That would always make me shudder in horror.  The last thing I wanted was to be hen pecked once again by that woman.”

“What was Rachel like?” Kim then asked.

“She was a librarian and a bookworm.  She read voraciously.  We had probably a dozen bookcases of books she had read in our home.  I would occasionally have to go to Wal-Mart to buy more bookcases and put them together.   She was a rotund woman who had a weakness for starch and pasta.  She loved Kraft macaroni and cheese.  My most prominent memory of her was every night she would read for hours late in the night while I slept.  I learned to sleep with a light on. I still often sleep with my bedside light on to this day.”

“I want to see you right now,” Kim then told me sounding lustful changing the subject once again.

“I’m kind of indisposed at the moment,” I told her. “I am down in the park near central elementary on my bike drinking my sunset brews.”

“I’ll come pick you up and we’ll put your bike in the rear of my car. You can finish your beer at my house.”

I waited a while until I saw Kim’s familiar red Mitsubishi Eclipse pull up by the park and pull into a parking space.  I pushed my bike over to the car after donning my backpack and putting away my radio which was sitting on the cement where I sat.

“Get in handsome,” she said with a sly grin as she popped the rear hatch.

The evening ended up with us drinking some wine and ending up in bed holding each other in a passionate embrace, but we didn’t have sex.   Things got very hot and heated, but I managed to hold off for one more night.  Although, it is growing harder with every passing moment.  We fell asleep for a few hours and then I woke Kim and got her to drive me home.  She sleepily and passionately kissed me in the car and told me goodnight.  I walked inside feeling like a million dollars.  It has been so long since I felt so in love and connected with someone.  As I have said before, I am quite smitten with the woman.

Broken Sleep and a Day Off…

Strange dreams kept plaguing me last night.  I dreamt of Neil Young’s song Old Man over and over – trying to sing it and remember the words in my sleep.  I also dreamt I was still married and Rachel and I were fighting.  Some things never change.

7:30am found me at dad’s sitting in the den.  I watched as he handed me my handful of medications.  He yawned sleepily as he asked me how my night was.

“I had my first passionate kiss in years last night and it was wonderful,” I replied.

“Who?” dad asked shockingly surprised.

“A woman I’ve met at work.”

Dad didn’t know what to say.  He looked kind of confused.  For years, I wasn’t dateable and suddenly I am.  I don’t think dad knows how to handle it.  For years, I have been like a child to him and I don’t think he believes I will make good decisions about this.

“Just don’t get her pregnant,” was all he could say. “The last thing you need is children.  Your life would really be in more of a mess than it already is.”

A Day Off…

Sunday’s have traditionally become my day off from work.  I don’t quite know what to do with myself today.  I have decided not to do any yard care business work as well.  I am just going to rest and play the new video game I bought the other day.  I also want to explore the features of my new phone some as well.  It is going to be strange not being busy all day passing the time.  I hope Kim calls.  I am so excited about hearing from her again.  She has to work a full day today and I don’t envy her of that eight hours.

A Letter to George I Wrote this Morning…

Dear George,

I am so worried about work.  Would you have thought I could have gone back to work before you went to jail? I am scared, though.  Scared of failure.  I have so much riding on this and I want to prove my father wrong.  He thinks I will soon end up a drunk again like I have in the past.  He has no confidence in me whatsoever and still treats me like a sick mentally ill adolescent child. It angers me the way he treats my mother and I.  We are marginalized individuals in the family – without the basic rights him and my brother and sister hold.  He talks so happily to my brother and sister on the phone and acts surly when I call.  It hurts my feelings deeply.  I feel like I don’t matter.  He would never tell my brother or sister how to live their lives.  They wouldn’t stand for it.  They can do no wrong in his eyes.  

I am still having those strange anxiety attacks.  It’s as if my body goes into overload and shuts down.  I feel flushed and I can distinctly feel them coming on.  My arms and hands will go numb as I feel heat in my face.  It is about one of my biggest fears about work – having a serious one that will incapacitate me.  I can’t just go sit in my car for 30 minutes to an hour until I get to feeling better.  I have to just work through them despite the EXTREME discomfort they cause me.  I am taking four Klonopin (similar to valium and xanax) a day and I am still having them.  I think it is all the medications I am on.  I’ve had these anxiety attacks for years now and didn’t have them when I was just on Risperdal.  That was back when you and I were hanging out down at the Piggly Wiggly everyday.  These attacks started when my father and doctor added countless other medications for me to take on daily basis.  I have no choice in what medications I can take.  Dad still forces them upon me – watching me for ten minutes every morning to make sure I keep them down.   

I’ve got you several magazines on the way.  You should get them in the next week or so.  I hope you enjoy them.  I got you a subscription to Model Railroader as well and I hope you enjoy the photography.  I know you don’t hold the same interest in trains as I, but maybe being in jail with all that time on your hands will make you grow to like them.  Model Railroading is truly an art form and a craft. 

I had my first French kiss last night in years and it was wonderful.  Kim and I were sitting in my car and it just happened just like that.  Things got really heated for a moment there.  Hands started to wander as we began to make out.  It was the first time I’ve touched a breast in almost three years.   You would like her.  She’s very open minded and eclectic.  She also has a great sense of humor.  We laugh A LOT!  She says I have the easiest job at Wal-Mart and she is probably right.  Work has been very slow lately.  I spend much of my time wandering the store aimlessly with nothing to do. 

Well, I hope you are home soon.  Your mother said she is sending you more money for the commissary when I talked to her the other night.   Don’t get too tired of eating salmon and tuna.  I personally enjoy tuna on crackers.  Take care of yourself and I will write again tomorrow.

Your sincerest friend,

Andrew

That First Touch…

Derrick’s home theater system was amazing.  He had a Mitsubishi DLP big screen television to die for.  I was so envious.

“I can’t really crank it up for the neighbor’s upstairs,” he said of his home theater as we started the first movie which would be our only movie we watched.

Toy Story 1 was mindless entertainment.  I tend to enjoy more cerebral films such as 2001: A Space Odyssey or A Clockwork Orange.  My favorite film of all time was the subtitled foreign film Amelie.  The crowning moment of the night was when Kim reached over to  hold my hand.  It was the first time I had touched a woman that I was interested in in many, many years.  This feeling of excitement and electricity shot through my body.  I found myself sexually excited for the first time in many months just by that mere touch.

I didn’t feel like drinking tonight for some strange reason.  Derrick was on his seventh beer when we left and was laughing giddily.  I laughed as well and lived vicariously through his intoxication.  Kim ended up drinking several glasses of wine from the bottle she brought.  She was giddy as well as I drove us out of Derrick’s apartment’s parking lot – talking a mile a minute as if she couldn’t get out enough words in to express how she was feeling. 

“I’m hungry,” she said as I pulled out on highway 29. “I’ve got the munchies from drinking all that wine.”

“Krystal’s?” I asked with a smile, hungry myself. “Late night munchies always call for those greasy little sliders that restaurant offers.”

Kim agreed and we got stuck in drive-thru hell at the restaurant.  We must’ve waited 15 minutes for our bag of little burgers. 

“I had fun tonight,” Kim told me as I drove her home as we ate in the car. “My girlfriends will be dying to find out what happened.”

“Are you going to tell them I was the utmost gentleman?” I asked.

“Well, you could’ve been a little more aggressive,” she replied with a demure smile as I pulled into front of her house.

We kissed passionately as we sat in her driveway – the smell of onions and alcohol strongly on her breath.

“Want to come in for awhile?” Kim asked

“I better head home,” I replied. “It is getting past my bedtime.”

I was kicking myself in the ass as I drove home realizing she wanted me to stay the night.  What would have happened?  Could I have performed?  If that touch in Derrick’s den was any indication, I would have been her Don Juan tonight.  Oh well, till the next time we meet in this big wide world.  It was a grand night.