Evoke the Auschwitz Mantra...

I was feeling sorry for myself today. It seems that everything is a hassle regarding my life and it all centers around my father's obsessive need to control my actions. We never got gas the other night due to me having an anxiety attack and I am waiting for my father to call me to meet him at the convenience store. I didn't have enough gas to get to his house to get my Cokes and smokes this morning. I tell ya. I am in the Army with all this hurry up and wait. Then, we have groceries to get tonight. It will be way after my bedtime and it will also be a hassle.

And then...

I thought if I had just been let out of Auschwitz and was placed into my life then I would be one of the happiest souls alive. Just think what an ex-prisoner would do if given $70 and told to buy food a few days out of Auschwitz? Life is all relative. Thinking that made me feel better and more upbeat about my circumstances. I don't have it that bad at all. Yes, it could be better. We will work on it.

Someone Had a Night Off to My Dismay...

"Where is Mrs. Camille?" I asked the lumberingly tall and impeccably dressed black fellow who was checking me out.

"She's got the night off," he told me blithely as he continued to ring up my groceries.

You could tell I looked and felt crestfallen. She has gotten to be my buddy -- always so glad to see me. She always goes extra gracious miles and beyond for me when I shop at the Pig. The manager last night was a stern looking older black lady who probably wouldn't have given me the time of the day.

"You forgot your mayonnaise," dad urgently said behind me as if in a panic. "I'll run and go get it. I want to get me some bananas, too!"

The cashier continued to ring me up. I had told my father to be sure and remind me. We can't have grilled chicken breast sandwiches without mayonnaise for my special sauce. My George Foreman grill is going to get some good use tonight. I am going to soak the chicken breasts in a light brine for an hour and then grill them up and serve them on some hoagie rolls.

Earlier, it was 9 PM when my father called me and told me he was ready to go. I had begun to sweat so to speak in that the Pig closes at 10 PM. I hurried to the grocery store and got started shopping with my father following shortly behind me. He helped me pick out my frozen meals for the weekend.

"How is this Stouffer's lasagna?" he asked.

"Look at the price for that little box," I told my father.

It was $4.25 for that little frozen meal. Too rich for my blood. We ended up getting some Marie Callendar meals that were on sale for $2 dollars and some change.

I evoked my Auschwitz Mantra last night in that if I was a concentration camp victim, I would just love to wait for so long to then get some nutritious food to eat. I shouldn't really complain. My father is good to me and loves me. I lack for nothing. He can just be a pain in the ass at times.

You Make My Stormy Skies Beautiful...

I woke up with the funks as I call them -- others would call them the doldrums. I called my father and asked him if we could go out to the WOW! office and change my cable and internet. He will not call for some obstinate reason. It would take 30 minutes and that certainly would lift my spirits. I am chomping at the bit of the prospects of having 500 Mbps internet as I languish with 30 Mbps internet currently. This WOW! business has been going on for three weeks now and dad keeps stalling.

"Babe, I'm watching the Auburn/Georgia game on YouTube and haven't gotten dressed. I promise you we will go Wednesday," my father said.

Well, that sunk me to new lows for the day. Then, I thought of all the good things in my life. I evoked my Auschwitz Mantra as I often have to do. Hell, I even said the serenity prayer as well. Any person imprisoned in that concentration camp would trade places with me in a heartbeat. They would love to tackle my seemingly trifle problems. Life is just not fair sometimes and I have to come to terms with that.

Time is Like Molasses...

"work sets you free"

Independence is a good thing. Don't ever let yourself get in a condition where you have little to no control of your life or well-being. Don't give away your civil rights. Being dependent on others is a drag and it kills your self-esteem. Nobody's going to to take better care of you than you. Family comes second in that order and then friends.

I realize there are extenuating circumstances like when it concerns a loved one with a debilitating illness or an elderly family member.

I am sitting in my recliner with my laptop and Maggie is in the window looking out for my father and Charlie. The phone rang and then Maggie knew something was up and about to happen. We are both starving and ready to eat. My Auschwitz mantra always bolsters my spirits, though. It could be a whole helluva lot worse. I could go to bed hungry tonight and wake up hungry in the morning without any breakfast.

Addendum...

Charlie and Papa have just left. I usually have my house in order on Sunday nights so Charlie won't feel compelled to clean. He still managed to find something to do. He organized the cans of food in my kitchen cabinets and threw away any trash up there. Now, the dynamic duo have left the premises.

Nine 'o' Clock Sharp...

We've got some super humongous storms on the way. Let's see if I can write this before the power goes out. 

This morning, I said I was just going to lie down for a minute and rest my eyes. It was 7 AM. Well, I went sound asleep. I didn't wake up again until Charlie called me at 8:30 AM. Thank bejeebus that he called me.

"Rise and shine sweetheart!" Charlie said laughing.

I told him I would meet him at Kamath Medical at 9 AM.

"If things go as usual," I told Charlie. "This won't take but fifteen minutes."

I hurried to quickly shower and put on some fresh smelling clothes.

Thankfully, it was another smooth and fast visit. It was one of my more painful injections, but I grinned and bared it.

"It is good to see you," I told my nurse, Rebecca, when she called me back to an examining room.

Dee Dee already had my next appointment card ready when I stepped back into the reception area.

"You all spoil me," I said with a smile.

I walked out and gave Charlie my next appointment card so he could give it to my father -- my father's insurance that I actually got the injection.

"Let's go get you some breakfast," Charlie told me.

I hated to tell Charlie this, but I am about tired of McDonald's sausage biscuits. Charlie has brought three of them to me every day of the past week. (I should evoke my Auschwitz mantra)

"Don't worry about it," I told Charlie. "I just want to go home and get in the bed."

"You sure?" Charlie asked me.

"Yeah, I am fine," I told Charlie. "Be safe driving to work."

Well, when that shot hit me around 10 AM, I was out like a light. It is now 6:30 PM and I am just getting up. Of course, my Magster loved it. She loves when we all pile up in the bed and sleep our days away.

It's Almost Midnight! Do You Know Where Your Children Are?

11:00 PM rolled around last night and her highness, the Duchess and I, went to bed. Maggie knew we were going to bed when I started to turn off all the lights in the house. The TV was turned off and Maggie raced to the bed. She took up her place at the foot on top of the covers. If she gets under the covers then it is like two pigs fighting under a blanket.

"Isn't Papa coming?" she seemed to ask very innocently.

It is the highlight of Maggie's day and I hated to disappoint her.

"Papa had other things to do tonight, sweetheart," I told the Magster as I nestled my head amidst my ultra comfortable pillows.

About midnight, there was a knock on the door. By this time, I was in dreamland. It was my father. I knew he had been to something highfaluting when he was in his BMW. I let him inside.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked me sheepishly wanting a hug.

Mom used to ask my father that all the time and it would aggravate him. Oh, have the tables have turned.

"I didn't mean to be so late."

"I am not really that mad, but I am very ready to go back to sleep," I replied kindly. "I've had a tough day mental illness wise this afternoon and this would certainly happen on one of those days. It's just my luck."

I know it sounds very manipulative, but it was the most opportune time to tell my father of that $34.99 laptop SODIMMs I wanted. My father said he would get Matt to order it in the morning. I sent Matt an email after my father had left.

Evoke the Auschwitz Mantra...

I really can't get mad at the man. I love him so much and he saved me from certain doom many years ago. He also brought me Maggie and I am gracious beyond measure for him doing that. I can turn a blind eye to some malfeasances sometimes.

Epilogue...

"Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked my father as he got up to head home.

"We are forgetting Maggie's ritual!"

Maggie looked on approvingly as we poured freeze dried venison and turkey in her bowl. YUM!

Ribeyes -- That's What's For Supper...

I am looking at the clock displayed by my computer. It is 11:25 PM. Charlie and my father have just left. A courtesy call would be nice, though, but the days of getting angry have long gone. I was just worried about them, but I dare not call my father's cellphone and bringing forth his ire. He would snap at me and say I was hurrying them along.

"Andrew we're running late. We'll get there as soon as we can." See? That was simple enough, wasn't it?

My father grilled ribeyes for supper and I am anxiously waiting to dig in. I have to wait until after an hour of taking my medications to eat. If I eat something so soon, it will take several excruciating hours for my medications to take effect and delaying bedtime. They will not have that buzzy brain kick as they normally do when I wait only an hour on an empty stomach. Oh, my sweet euphoria.

Normally, I would be irate and would be pouting with such an extremely late arrival. I just evoked my coveted Auschwitz Mantra. I am lucky for a family who cares and who brings nourishing food and lonesome curing company. Charlie, Papa, and I are a pretty cohesive bunch of folks these days.

Dad and I walked into the kitchen to get Maggie's ritual completed. My medication ritual was over and it was Maggie's turn.

"I've already fed and watered Maggie," Charlie told us both beating us to the punch.

Aw, Man! Those Confederates!

Lincoln At Gettysburg

I was in the land of very deep REM sleep when someone knocked on the door very, very early this morning. Maggie flew off the bed in a hurry to see who it was. She was growling as she ran. It caught the both of us off guard.

"Who is it?" I asked loudly as I walked into the den.

Maggie was now wagging her tail standing behind the front door.

"Happy Confederate Holiday!" a loud voice said on the other side of the door. It was Charlie and he had the day off. He had brought Maggie and me a sack of sausage biscuits. The Duchess just squealed with joy at the sound of Charlie's voice!

"Do you know why we went to war?" Charlie asked as he handed me the sack.

Charlie's great with antiques and not so much with history.

"States rights," I replied. "Lincoln later tacked on emancipation to bolster the war effort."

"I was going to say slavery," Charlie told me.

"Do you know where the war started?" I asked Charlie. "The first shots were fired at Fort Sumter South Carolina."

I used to love to sit in the bowels of Montevallo's huge library and read books about the Civil War.

I liked to have never gone back to sleep this morning.  I had stayed up to around 4:00 AM. I woke up at 4:00 PM after drifting back off again sometime around 10:00 AM. My eyes were burning I was so tired early this morning.

By the way, I just evoked the Auschwitz Mantra about all the sausage biscuits the Duchess and I have been getting lately. I would be quite happy to have it if I were eating gruel with boiled maggots in it.

Tomorrow is Here...

Dad and I escaped Kroger at almost midnight last night.

"We made it Chuck!," my father exclaimed bolstering the troops as we walked across the parking lot to our cars.

Loading and unloading my car is the hardest part of this adventure for me.

"Sorry, I was so late tonight," my father profusely told me and he apologized. My only real worry last night was withdrawal from my medications and I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. We took my medications very late last night before our grocery trip.

The after 10:00 AM self-checkout lines were cranky tonight causing us much strife and delay. You can only checkout with self service after 10:00 at our Kroger. We kept having to call the attendant. I was starting to get angry at going so late, but I am now just glad and ecstatic to have food in the house. I unloaded my food and put it away.

Count your blessings as the old saying goes. More Auschwitz Mantra evoking moments for me to ponder. I wonder about the veracity of those sayings that the Russians would stand in line an hour for one roll of toilet paper during the cold war.

I was thinking tonight that why don't I get the three cheese tortellini meals and compliment them with real Parmesan cheese or "stinky cheese" as we always called it when we were kids. I've got one tortellini meal in the microwave so we can see how it tastes.

Dad was also remarking tonight about the Promised Land chocolate milk I found and get every week.

"The grand kids love it and I always keep a couple quarts in the fridge," he told me.

That White Boy Sho Could Eat Some Fried Chicken...

https://www.japantoday.com

I thought Charlie and Papa would never get here tonight. They were down on the great plains in Auburn visiting with a very good friend who has prostate cancer. In a moment of less stoicism, Dad got choked up telling me about J.L.They had both lost track of the time which is understandable. I always suspect car troubles when this happens or organizational mishaps. If there is a flat tire in the family, then I am the first one called.

Charlie stayed down in Auburn while my father took charge, drove back to the Valley, and got us all our meals which is quite a gargantuan task for two folks let alone just one. My father was flying solo without his trusty wingman tonight.

My father is also a very snazzy dresser due to Charlie's guidance/influence and had on a very colorful and stylish Christmas sweater tonight which befitted him. I complimented on it which put a big smile on my father's face. He's like the rest of us and enjoys some flattery as well.

Evoke Auschwitz Mantra

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/

Dad got me the default 3 piece chicken meal from KFC. No complaints here. I was just very hungry and was very glad to get it. I made two big toasted chicken sandwiches out of chicken from my two breast pieces. The slaw had an extraordinarily strong kick of horseradish which I enjoyed as well.

I've put my father to the task of getting me more Christmas lights for the yard and outside the house. He gladly asked which prompted this and said he would get some tomorrow. I told him to get me a few extension cords as well. We are going to light up Casa de Andrew.

Last Man Standing?

That's how it can feel for me sometimes. I feel if I have chosen to live in a small vacuum while the rest of the world goes on and people go about their lives. I am looking down through a window of thick glass, but I can't reach out or touch. Mind the gap!  (not whining, though, as I have it better than most of this world for which I always evoke my ubiquitous Auschwitz Mantra).

Charlie brought me a wonderful care package of treats and proceeded to clean house for me. Scouts honor! I swear the kitchen was clean! But our Charlie found some stuff and hauled it up to my trashcan at the curb to throw away.

As far as our Thanksgiving meal went, we had turkey and dressing, a honey baked ham, the classic and quintessential green bean casserole, cheesy macaroni casserole (Yum!), deviled eggs, and angel biscuits. For dessert, Charlie brought me a slice each of buttermilk, chocolate and custard pies. He also brought me a big slice of buttery pound cake.

First and foremost on the list was to help Charlie administer and take my medications. Maggie was under foot as we performed this nightly ritual. Charlie had brought me 3 regular cokes and it just thrilled me to death. Those cokes didn't last long after Charlie left and I proceeded to guzzled them down.

Nice View From My Front Stoop...

It is so nice to see Mrs. Sandra driving mom's car when they go to eat Mexican at El Rio Grande. It takes a load off my mind and a much heavier load off my shoulders -- especially now since it is getting dark so early. It was dark by 6PM tonight.

Sandra will park mom's car in the garage and then head home in her own car. Mrs. Sandra has lived a tough life with much of it mired in poverty and strife, but she never quits smiling and laughing. That's the kind of person I want to be remembered as. "He never complained against all the odds he faced." That's why I keep my Auschwitz Mantra so near and dear.

"You did want chicken fajitas, didn't you?" mom asked breaking my train of thought.

"That's exactly what the doctor ordered," I replied with a smile.

Prelude...

I was sitting on the couch on lookout with the Magster when Mom's Civic came flying around the corner and pulled onto my street. Sandra rolled down the windows in preparation so mom could hand me my meal. Sandra was just laughing and laughing.

"Mom's car hasn't been driven that fast in years!" I told Mrs. Sandra kidding her. "You're going to blow the cobwebs out!"

"Oh hush!" Mrs. Sandra said and she laughed even more so.

Evoke the Auschwitz Mantra...

http://www.omahasteaks.com/

Now this is more how I like it. About medium well.

Pronto! I evoked the Auschwitz mantra big time tonight! It is like a five-alarm fire going on in here when it dawned me that it was happening. Some cheese with all that wine?

Ungrateful Little Lout!

We had filet mignons tonight for supper. I was going to complain about them being cooked way too rare, but that's nothing a frying pan and olive oil or peanut oil can rectify since I am home now with my meal.  Mom likes her filet to moo once again when it is plated. I makes my stomach do flip flops just thinking about it -- all that rare beef.

I am just damn glad to get what I got, though. Dad also remembered to bring my sodas and smokes which was very nice and very uncharacteristic of him. I didn't even have to ask. During all of this, the Auburn game was on the television and radio and he was trying his best to keep it all together and keep up with the game as well. Auburn was losing at half-time and all the fans were agitated including my father.

SNAFU!!!

https://www.pillsbury.com

"I hate it when your father does that to you! It is just no fair!" my mother angrily said over the phone with a touch of venom to her voice.

Dad was still at home, sitting in his recliner, and talking on his cellphone. It had grown to be past 10pm.

"I would like to complain," I told my mother. "But he sees about me and also bought me a house and car. It would be a case of biting the hand that feeds you if I were to protest." (my Auschwitz Mantra immediately went into effect and was forefront in my mind)

"I still hate it," mom protested again. "It is inconsiderate of you and your needs."

I went back to eating some potted meat, hot sauce, and Ritz crackers when Maggie came running inside after a potty break. to greet my father at the front door. I didn't complain. I was glad to see him. I had actually been very lonely today and relished the human company -- warts, blemishes, and all.

My father also cooked supper tonight and he said he is taking Helen on a run for her money.

"I can cook and clean just as well as Helen," he told me yesterday.

http://www.dishmaps.com/

Tonight, my father brought a big care package of a pot roast with potatoes, carrots, and Vidalia onions. He also had carrot salad as well along with half a pan of cornbread. His final gift was a bunch of slices of vine ripe tomatoes to make tomato sandwiches with. I profusely thanked my father for this bountiful amount of food.

Midnight is Right Around the Corner...

I've Got Your Auschwitz and You Can Have Your Birkenau...

http://isurvived.org/

My father just left after the medication ritual and Maggie's ritual. My father took this moment to severely chastise me in that I was leaving too much food on my kitchen counters (It was our Mexican dinner tonight). He didn't give me a chance to explain. He said I was going to get an infestation of bugs or las cucarachas as they say in Spanish. I had to evoke my personal Auschwitz mantra to keep my sanity.

"Just be glad you are no longer homeless," is what I was thinking. "Be thankful for what you have and be thankful for the meal you partook in this evening."

The chicken fajitas were delicious tonight, by the way.

I know it's sheer pacifism, but it works for me. I try to never let  myself stress or sweat the small stuff. I was my father's personal punching bag tonight -- his problems and not mine.. He was just tired and cranky from working 10 hours today. I still love him and always will.

Stiff Upper Lip as the Brits Say...

http://flickrhivemind.net/

Sometimes I get discouraged with how my life is going -- not often, but I did today. I got the third degree from my father this morning just asking for a gallon of milk as he was going to the grocery store. I am 44 years old and still having to grovel for a measly $2.77 gallon of milk.

"You just need to better plan your meals and food situation as Helen isn't coming back," my father told me brusquely.

Evoke Auschwitz Mantra...

Then I think, "You know what? You've got a pretty good life so you shouldn't complain."

I have absolutely no control over my father in what he says and does and I should take it all with a grain of salt.

It is also just a matter of perspective. There are millions upon millions of people on this good Earth who would trade places with me in a heartbeat and put up with little setbacks like this morning and the milk fiasco. I am blessed beyond measure.

I kept my composure and told my father that I am going to have to buy more groceries if Helen isn't coming back. I'm not doing anything different than I have for years now. Helen's meal today would feed me two days and then I would have Sunday morning biscuits and Sunday night fried chicken to hold me over till Monday and grocery day.

Colonel Be Gone!

I just wasn't in the mood for fried chicken last night.  I ate a few bites of a breast piece and then put it back in the box. The chicken was extra greasy last night and already lukewarm when I received my box.

Evoke Auschwitz Mantra...

I am not ungrateful at all.  It's just that I get chicken almost every week and long for some variety. It's my own fault. I just try to make things easier on my father and Charlie by ordering chicken. Mom flies in the face of convention and always gets Wendy's.

I did tear apart a wing piece and that was Maggie's supper. I just had to make sure there weren't any chicken bones in what I gave her. I've read and heard horror stories of dogs getting chicken bones lodged in their intestinal tracts. The Magster was certainly hungry last night. She ate all her chicken and then ate a big old honking bowl of her Purina One.

Let me tell you something about the Magster. About a week ago, I gave her a biscuit which she promptly buried it in the backyard. Well, Maggie came sauntering back inside the other night with that week old biscuit in her mouth dirt and all. It was slimy, black, and green and she still didn't hesitate to eat it. I threw up in my mouth a little bit after witnessing that.

Fort Tyler...

We are home to an old civil war fort, Fort Tyler, overlooking the Chattahoochee river basin. Every year they have a fundraising supper to help with the upkeep of this historical fort. The fort is only a few hundred yards down from my parent's house.

I was getting worried because my father still had not arrived at 10 pm. I am always so afraid he's going to have some wine and get a DUI. Just one hefty glass of wine can put you in the clinker quick these days. Well, he finally came rolling up in front of my house at 10:20 pm after attending that supper. Yes, he smelled boozy again. I was just glad he was okay. He was treating me very delicately due to this being two nights in a row he was very late with my medications.

"What's my eldest thinking tonight?" my father asked as he leaned onto me while we sat on the couch. "You're being quiet."

Here was another instance where I evoked my much touted Auschwitz Mantra. My problems, other than a late father and late medications, could be ten times worse. I really have it rather lucky when I thought long and hard about it after my father had left.

Well, Charlie will be here around 9 am in the morning with Sunday morning biscuits. That gives me something to look forward to and I can already taste those bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits as I write this. Bon Appétit!

Evoke the Auschwitz Mantra...

I was fixing to write a blog post about being tired of eating Mexican food for yet another week. I should be ashamed of myself. Mom's bringing chicken fajitas by in the next hour. That instantly evoked my Auschwitz Mantra. I can think of millions upon millions of people who are going to bed tonight with a hungry belly.  I am also drinking a very large, clean, and ice cold glass of water from the fridge. You see those African ladies in National Geographic who carry their water for miles upon their heads just to do their laundry on stone rocks.

They Call Them "Smithfield"

I was over at my parent's house a moment ago getting my sodas for the day. Dad was busy in the kitchen trying to put some supper on the table.  He was making carrot salad which I am not too crazy about but I will eat it. He was also fixing what we call here as Smithfield pork chops. They are extremely smoky and taste more like ham than pork chops.

"I'll bring you a plate when I come tonight to give you your medications," my father told me.

I gladly accepted. Whom am I to pass up a decent Southern style meal? I played the Auschwitz Mantra card at an opportune moment.

I told my father to please help me remember mayonnaise and Mountain Dews tonight at the grocery store. I seem to have this mental block about both those items and always forget them. The Mountain Dews are my favorite item on grocery night and I still forget them.