Sometimes it is Hard to Say Goodbye…

“I want to be totally lazy and laze in the bed and be with you, Wheezy, and Maggie this morning,” Tracy told me sanguinely as she dressed for work. 

“I know you do, sweetheart,” I replied. “There is a vacuum in this house when you leave for the day. It can only be filled by you.”

Tracy and I also have to go grocery shopping tonight. We try to stick to our old schedule and we never arrive before nine. That’s a little trick my father taught me. Usually, Kroger is a wasteland by that late at night. I spend about eighty dollars and Tracy spends about eighty dollars.

“What’s for lunch?” Tracy then asked me excitedly before she left for work.

“I thought we would be Asian today and cook some soy sauce seasoned ground beef and cabbage over a bed of rice and crunchy chow mien noodles.”

“That sounds so delicious,” she replied to me. “I cannot wait until noon gets here!”

“It was mom’s recipe and I always enjoyed it when I was growing up.”

“You Can’t Have That!” “That’s Too Expensive…” “You’ll Rot Your Teeth Eating Those…”

These were some of the responses I got from Tracy grocery shopping tonight. When dad told her to moderate me, she took the responsibility in earnest. I just wanted some Hostess Ding Dongs and Hebrew National franks. I felt like a toddler desperately hanging onto a box of Lucky Charms.

We did our shopping after she got home from class. Tracy and I have both gained some weight recently and we are going to drink a Slim-Fast for lunch. My mother once lost a lot of weight doing that and eating a sensible supper. Tracy also got a lot of Lean Cuisines for us to eat as well. I showed her which ones were good and which ones that weren’t so hot.

“It has cellulose in it,” I told Tracy of Slim-Fast. “That’s why you feel so full after drinking one.”

Tracy said she would give it a try with me. Tracy remarked on how expensive they were as well. Kroger sells their version of Slim-Fast, but we didn’t want to chance it. I’ll probably be so hungry by supper time that Maggie looks delicious.

This would just be our luck, but when we went to checkout, we got behind two ladies with complicated orders with WIC vouchers. Sigh! It took forever and we had too many groceries for self checkout. We just had to be patient and wait.

“At least, we get to spend some quality time together!” I quipped.

Tracy just smiled broadly and then laughed.

Tracy Said I Got Drunk Called…

My father had his fair share of wine again tonight. I got “drunk called” by him as Tracy put it.

“Do you get the Hitler channel?” He asked, slurring his words.

“Do you mean the History Channel?” I replied.

“Yeah, your mother always called it the Hitler channel. She hated when I watched it. Tune in as the Japanese are now assaulting Papua New Guinea.”

I chuckled a little and told my father goodnight.

“Get some sleep, dad! You’ve got to work ten hours tomorrow!”

Inebriation Kroger Style…

My father had told me earlier in the day that we would go grocery shopping at nine that evening. Well, nine rolled around and he still hadn’t called. I called him and he seemed startled and surprised as if he had been asleep.

“Is it nine already?” he asked.

“I am heading to Kroger to get started shopping,” I told him. “Are you coming on?”

“I am fixing to head that way,” my father replied, composing himself somewhat.

I waited over 30 minutes for my father to get to Kroger tonight so I could checkout. I was getting a little peeved and perturbed. I almost checked out myself and just waited on him to arrive in the parking lot telling him I’ve finished. Handing him the receipt in the process. As soon as I smelled his breath, I knew what was up.

“Dad,” I whispered closely in his ear. “You’ve had too much to drink. You don’t need to be driving like this.”

There were Kroger employees standing all around us. I was trying to be discreet. Dad had that glassy eyed look of someone who had one glass of wine too many.

“I am perfectly fine,” he replied, stumbling on his words.

I went on and loaded up my car with groceries while he did his shopping. I waited on him to leave the store and head for his car.

“Just please Jesus let me drive you home,” I pleaded with him as we walked across the parking lot.

About that time, a police car came pulling into the parking lot very near us. That seemed to have spooked my father into acquiescing.

“Maybe you’re right. Can we come and get my car in the morning?” he asked.

“We can come at seven if you so wish. Just let me drive you home.”

Dad put his groceries on my backseat and I took him to his house helping him carry all his groceries inside. In two bags were two more giant bottles of wine.

I honestly don’t think my father realizes how much he is drinking. He is drinking about half a very large bottle of wine a night.

Germain to the Issue…

I had just entered Kroger and grabbed a cart. I was studying my list calculating where to go first as I made forward progress.

“Andrew! ANDREW!” someone hollered behind my back as I headed towards produce.

It was Jermaine. I hadn’t seen him in many months.

“Where have you been?” I asked him after he spooked and startled me.

“I’ve been driving up to the Kroger in Lagrange lately,” Jermaine replied. “They have much, much better prices.”

Jermaine began to ramble on about women’s basketball and my eyes glazed over and I got that one hundred yard stare that usually accompanies it. In the middle of him talking about women's hoops, I said, “Gotta run, Jermaine! Gotta get my groceries before my father arrives! Sorry!”  I was out of there like lickety split. I did notice Jermaine had a gallon of whole milk and a gigantic pack of cheap vanilla cookies in the basket of his hover-round. He pulled in to checkout as I briskly walked away.

I went off my diet tonight and bought some delicious looking apple turnovers that were fresh baked in the bakery. I went even further off the deep end and got a quart of Neapolitan ice cream. I have a weakness for ice cream and I hadn’t eaten it in months. The very foundation of my house cracked when I brought them inside. There was a clap of thunder as the voice of god chastised me. For the Magster, I got two 6-packs of Vienna sausages.

It took dad forever to get there tonight. Wine had been served is what me thinks. Several Kroger employees asked me if I needed help as I stood haplessly with my loaded cart near a checkout lane for what seemed like 30 minutes.

25 Degrees of Fun…

“It’s a tad bit chilly out tonight, eh?” I asked my father in a perfectly respectable Canadian accent last night as we briskly walked across the parking lot to Kroger.

It was actually 25° degrees outside. All I could think of were Terrence and Philip and the opening segue to South Park: The Movie.

He laughed and said, “Oh yeah, eh?” in a really bad Canadian accent that made me chuckle.

“We sound like that politician, Sarah Palin,” he furthered as we laughed some more.

“She was Alaskan by the way,” I reminded my father.

It was time to do some shopping and I already knew what I wanted. Tuna helper was the name of the game and I was going to spice it up with some cheddar cheese and broccoli florets. I also got lots of sandwich fixins. I am fixated on sandwiches at the moment. I guess because they are so easy to fix and clean up after. I just adore a sandwich with some of that spicy, horseradish infused mustard.

Well, Judy rang up my groceries and it was really cheap. I had only spent $59.99. I was perplexed. I realized when I got home I had forgotten to get my sandwich meats which would have been around $20. I called my father and explained the situation.

“Just go back up there and debit them,” he said with a exhausted sounding sigh. “Just don’t buy any beer.”

I hurried back to Kroger while my car was still warm. I got two “mega” packs of oven roasted turkey breast for $18.99 and went through the self checkout lane. The temperature had fallen to 24° degrees by the time I got back home. I shut the door to my chilly house and turned up the heat. 

An Unwitting Soul…

Eureka! I just figured out what was a very major problem last week. I just couldn’t put 2 and 2 together. I bought 5 gallons of Milo’s no calorie tea grocery shopping last Tuesday. Well, I unwittingly drank the delicious tea like it was going out of style – often having a big glass before I would retire to the bed. Kroger’s house brand diet tea is noncaffeinated so I just assumed Milo’s tea was too. Milo’s says nothing about the caffeine content on the carton. Boy, was I wrong. I just got on their website and an 8oz serving of no calorie tea has 40mg of caffeine. No wonder I couldn’t sleep and was having anxiety and panic attacks. I was imbibing massive amounts of caffeine. Needless to say, I will be drinking cold bottles of water in the upcoming week. Let’s see if that makes a difference. 

Man On a Mission…

“I am going to sit this one out,” I told my father tonight of going to the grocery store. “It is already 32° degrees outside.”

“Aw, babe,” he said. “We will be in and out and back home before you know it. Come on, let’s go!”

I had never seen Kroger so bereft of customers than tonight. I used it to my advantage and quickly filled my cart with items I needed. Dad was soon right behind me as we made our way up front to checkout. I got a shitload of food for $76 dollars and dad remarked upon it.

“What was on sale?” dad asked.

“I didn’t buy that god awful expensive gourmet chicken salad tonight,” I replied. “The Powerade was also on sale for $3.99 an eight pack.”

I was having serious wardrobe malfunctions tonight as well. I kept having to pull my pants up and I couldn’t even wear these pants two months ago. Dad got to laughing as I held my pants up as I walked across the parking lot to load up my trunk.

“You need a belt,” he said loudly.

“None of my belts fit me either!” I exclaimed. “And who wants to go to Walmart and buy one?”

There was no reply. Dad abhors Walmart as much as I do. We went our separate ways and headed home to get out of this cold.

The Harbinger of Things to Come?

It was 39° degrees when I walked out of my house to drive to the grocery store. I liked to have never gotten my windshield and rear window to defog. Once cleared, I hit the road heading straight through downtown and then onto highway 29. It’s a straight shot to Kroger from there.

I set about my shopping tasks upon arriving at Kroger. Dad would soon follow right behind me as he lives a little farther away. I knew what I wanted and where it was at. I ended up getting those sports drinks, A1 sauce, and ground chuck. My total was $69 dollars for the night – the highest in weeks.

“Are you getting enough to eat?” my father asked me. “Don’t be like your dear mother and overdo the diet.”

“I’m fine,” I assured my father. “I get enough extraneous meals from you to balance out my nutrition.”

“But you don’t have any real meals in your cart!”

I thought for a moment there it was going to be time for Lean Cuisines, but thankfully dad let the moment pass. I left him for he had shopping of his own to do.

“Nice truck!” I told the fella next to me as I loaded up my groceries.

He was loading up his groceries as well. He just started talking and talking away telling me the tale of the dent in his truck by a PepsiCo employee.

But I digress…

I subsist off of cheese filled Ritz crackers and peanut butter these days just eating when I feel hungry. You’d be surprised how a tablespoon of creamy peanut butter and a pack of crackers can make you feel full for quite a few hours.

Tonight is a respite for we shall eat, drink and be merry. I have that ground beef browning on the stove (Maggie’s rejoicing) and a few Gatorades are quickly getting cold in the freezer.

Andrew Almost Screwed Up Big Time…

We had bought my groceries and I needed gas after all my running around Opelika last night.

“Come on, we’ll do it now and then I will do my shopping,” Old Fuss and Feathers told me.

Dad insists on putting my gas on his Visa card.

I sped across the parking lot to Kroger’s gas station and swerved violently to the right to miss a light pole – tires screeching and everything. I just didn’t see it. My mirror barely tapped it and it didn’t do any damage except for just a little yellow paint that can be buffed off. I am just getting to where I can’t see to drive at night. My heart is still beating fast from that almost encounter which would have severely damaged my car. WHEW!

I spent a little more tonight at $59 dollars. I got a dual pack of JIF creamy peanut butter for $11 dollars and two $4.99 canisters of Mrs. Grissom’s chicken salad. A black lady remarked on my JIF purchase.

“Honey? You going to spend $11 on peanut butter?” she incredulously asked with a small child standing by her side.

“It’ll keep me from having to buy it again next week,” I replied. “And I save a dollar fifty.”

That’s what pushed my total up so high. No Jack of Speed trip tonight since I had to get gas. We left at 8:45 pm and I got back at half past nine. Forty five minutes was still a respectable time for driving to and fro and buying gas and groceries.

Earlier, Tuleana called me at eight. I got so excited when the phone rang thinking it was my father wanting to go early. What a let down! She just wanted to let me know she got her food stamps refilled and was all happy.

“I am happy for you too!” I told her.

She was putting out feelers to see if I could take them to buy groceries tomorrow. Out of gas was my excuse. They are persistent aren’t they? Tuleana doesn’t give up at all. That's the difference between a crazy person and a rational person.

I Make a Mean Sammich…

We seem to be back on track as far as our grocery buying schedule is concerned. Monday night it is! I still had a lot of food left from last week so this allowed me to buy things I normally couldn’t afford like a two pack of large Jif peanut butter jars. Those were $11 dollars. I think my total was around $75 dollars tonight.

I lost two pounds last week so I continued with the trend of what I ate last week. Sandwiches aren’t a binge food for me as it takes care and time to make them. I got smoked provolone, garlic and herb jack, baby swiss, and tomato and herb jack cheeses tonight. I also got two pounds of sliced Boar’s Head roasted turkey from the deli. That stuff was expensive!!! I rounded it all out with two loaves of the rich and yeasty Artisan bakery bread I have become enamored with. Dad asked me tonight that he had noticed I was buying that now and how it tasted.

“Softest and freshest bread I have tasted on the bread aisle,” I told him.

I have been searching for such a bread for months nay years now.

My big splurge item besides the sliced turkey was a big bottle of Califia iced mocha coffee.

For my one sweet item, I bought a bunch of bananas instead of 4 bags of powdered Hostess donuts. Hey, I am trying.

Old Fuss and Feathers did his shopping while I shopped as well. He returned from putting his groceries in his car just as I was ready to check out. We were perfectly choreographed tonight.

We both gawked as we walked to our cars. The police had someone pulled over in the parking lot.

“Glad that’s not me!” Old Fuss and Feathers loudly said.

“Such a terrible feeling,” I replied as I shook my head.

I paid careful heed to the speed limits on the drive home. The police were out in force this evening. There was no lack of flies for their fly traps tonight it seemed as I saw another car pulled over down highway 29.  I know this sounds cynical, but they probably had a quota and needed the revenue.

Grocery Shopping for the Stout of Heart and Mind…

Dad vehemently insisted we go tonight so I went…

“Have you looked at the weather radar?” I asked him over our cellphones.

“A little water won’t kill you,” he blithely replied. “Besides, you’ve got to be hungry. Aren’t you out of food by now?”

Yes, I was out of food. I was subsisting on cheese on wheat crackers.

I was in the mood for soup tonight so that was my main expenditure. I got a little bit of every thing from minestrone to loaded baked potato to vegetable beef chunky soups. My big splurge tonight was Hebrew National wieners or franks as some people call them. They cost a fortune, but they are so delicious. We will be having hotdogs for supper one night in the next week. Maggie thinks they are the bee’s knees. 

It was raining heavily and lightning as I loaded up my groceries into my trunk. I got soaking wet while my father went back inside to do some shopping of his own. He says he is going to cook this weekend.

“You seem to be struggling tonight,” my father told me before he left for the confines of Kroger.

“I am! That’s what you get with mental illness sometimes,” I replied. “I can’t seem to get all my ducks in a row tonight.”

I hurried home only to get even more wet unloading my groceries into the kitchen from the car. Maggie looked on like what fools are humans. 

The Easy Street to Obesity…

“Jermaine? If I wanted to get really fat what would I eat?”

Jermaine chuckled nervously.

“Are you serious?” Jermaine cautiously asked.

“I am dead serious,” I replied.

“Well, I would start at the Hostess aisle and stock up on Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs. Stuff like that.”

“That sounds good!” I replied excitably.

“Get you three or four boxes of Poptarts and some whole milk to wash it all down with,” he continued.

“You know what I have a hankering for?” I said looking deep in thought. “I want ice cream and lots of it.”

“That’ll do the trick,” Jermaine said grinning. “That will really put the weight on you.”

Jermaine cocked his head at me and asked me if I were really serious again.

“I am just dreaming,” I finally replied, patting him on the back and cackling. “If I was going to get fat, I would want to do it in style.”

“I thought you had gone off the deep end, Andrew,” Jermaine told me with a sigh of relief.

Old Fuss and Feathers would have a fit if showed up at checkout with a cart full of that kind of stuff.

In contrast to tonight’s proceedings, I only spent $57 dollars on my groceries. I just couldn’t eat any more of those bland frozen meals which are so expensive.

Back to the Basics…

I didn’t buy diet food tonight with dad’s strong urgings. I ran out of food early last week and dad subsidized my diet for a few days there out of his pantry. I ended up eating lots of neat and odd food – food dad didn’t care to eat or have. One night, Charlie brought me a big grab bag of snacks.

“Eat sensibly and eat in moderation,” my father told me as we walked across Kroger’s parking lot tonight. “And then you can eat what you like.”

I got a lot of stuff to make sandwiches. Oh, I did buy a dozen Lean Cuisine frozen meals which are technically a diet food I guess. Dad made sure of that.

“Get you some frozen meals,” dad kept telling me as we passed in the grocery store.

He was doing his shopping as well.

My big splurge tonight was a big fancy bottle of Califia cold brew coffee which I wanted to try. It was $4.99 for the bottle, but the bottle is huge.

I bought a few Chinese frozen meals I like as well. Got to have a little General Tso’s or chicken chow mein.

I was a big spender once again. I spent $90 dollars. Dad never says a word about it these days which is very kind of him. I guess that is just going to be the norm from here on out. I seem to spend around $100 dollars regularly lately.

Frugality Reigns Supreme…

I was mister frugal tonight grocery shopping. I only spent $66 dollars. I was delighted when I found out Kroger’s version of SlimFast was half the price. It was on the bottom shelf out of view. They just had a few more grams of sugar per bottle which I can deal with. I also bought lots of strawberry Greek yogurt to snack on. All the yogurt I bought was $14 dollars.

The only non diet thing I bought was Vienna sausages for Maggie. She certainly loves the things. I might eat one or two myself. Don’t tell the diet police.

I also, once again, got the sugar free Klondike bars. I ate one even before I began to put my groceries away. It was nice, gooey, and soft from being in my warm trunk on the drive home. A sheer delight!

“Now, you are going to have to lock that bike up at night,” my father told me of my mountain bike as we walked to our cars. “I’d bring it inside the den.”

I agreed and told him I would bring it inside every night. The seedy contingent of the neighborhood forces us to hide our beer in our clothes dryers and lock our cars and homes religiously. All valuables are considered suspect to theft. Oh thee of the night of ill repute.

The Sky’s the Limit…

I managed to spend $125 dollars tonight grocery shopping! I think that is the most I’ve ever spent at Kroger. My father didn’t say a word and I kept my mouth shut as well. I had told him it might be high tonight as I needed laundry detergent pods and fabric softener. The laundry detergent alone was $11.99.

As we walked out into the parking lot, I was telling my father of this strange black fellow who was just wandering the store and talking up a storm. He wasn’t purchasing anything.

“He probably had one of those Bluetooth cellphone ear pieces,” my father said.

“I looked and I didn’t see any,” I replied.

“Then he sounds like a good candidate for the injection you’re getting in the morning,” my father said as we both chuckled quite a bit.

“Call me at eight in the morning!” was the last thing I told my father and I drove home to start the laborious task of unloading and putting away my groceries.

Laura, Laura, Laura…

Laura texted me today and asked me if I was mad at her – that she hadn’t heard from me in several days. I told her that I sent some texts, but she said she didn’t get them. I was so relieved when things were okay with us. I’ve grown quite fond of her these past few weeks we have been chatting. Now, if I can just remember how to get back to her parent’s house in LaGrange, then we will be in business. We both want to go grab some Chinese with her schedule permitting. We used to eat out once a week together several years ago, but lost touch when she left to live with that Wayne guy in Statesboro.

Ouch! Does that Hurt?

Charlie and I were checking out at Kroger tonight when Charlie just casually asks the clerk about her nose ring. Charlie has the gift of the gab that I don’t possess.

“Did it hurt to get it put in?” Charlie asked the very young and beautiful lady.

“It wasn’t that bad,” she replied with a warm smile.

She pulled on her nostril to show us how it was connected on the inside.

“Ouch!” Charlie yelped.

“She looked just like Amy Winehouse nose adornment and all,” I told Charlie as we left the store. “Just stunning!”

I had to explain to Charlie who Amy Winehouse was and how she came to her tragic end.

I spent $87 dollars tonight and Charlie said I should have spent more. He would’ve taken the blame. I knew I should have spent the $12 bucks for those Gain laundry detergent pods and Gain fabric softener. I am almost out, but feared the cost. I did get a a lot of diet friendly foods, though. I am really serious about this losing weight – more serious about anything I’ve been serious about in years. I want to be slim and trim in three months.

Buddy? Can You Spare Some Change?

Old Fuss and Feathers and I would have to get behind two aggravating people to checkout at Kroger’s tonight. One guy said strawberries were on sale, but they would ring up at the normal price. Thankfully, he gave up and left the store without buying the strawberries. The next guy paid for a gallon of whole milk in dimes, nickels, and lots of pennies. We sat there staring on as the process proceeded at a snail’s pace.

“That’s how you buy a beer when you are broke and got the shakes,” I told my father.

He laughed and laughed.

“You should know!” he said smiling as I cut my eyes at him with a jeering look that turned whimsical.

I spent $62 dollars tonight – well below my budget. Old Fuss and Feathers was afraid I didn’t get enough. I wasn’t hungry this evening and nothing appealed to me. My only impulse buy was some Dungeness crab southern style dip. I then had to buy the crackers to accompany it. I did buy a lot of Yoplait Greek yogurt for a low eighty calorie snack or meal. I also bought pickles as a snack as they have five calories per serving.

Spaghetti Galore!

I managed to spend $72 dollars tonight. I thought I did pretty well with what I got. I got enough fixins to make spaghetti twice this week. I am just in the mood for it. Comfort food, ya know? I also got some Greek yogurt which I have never tried. I was trying to find a healthy snack with less calories. The Qui yogurt was great, but it was very expensive, in cumbersome glass, and you didn’t get much of a portion.

I will have a heaping plate of barbecue pork and all the holiday fixins brought to me on Wednesday night. I am looking forward to that. That will be the extent of my fourth of July plans and festivities.

“You’ve about got that car looking brand new,” Old Fuss and Feathers said tonight as we both loaded up our groceries into our cars. “Charlie said you would take good care of that car.”

“It is the closet thing I will get to a new car for possibly years and years,” I told my father while giving thanks. “I better appreciate it and make the best of it while I can.”

I told him of my grand aspirations to put new sporty looking and shiny new wheels on it and tinting the windows.

“Oh, and I want to add a tasteful spoiler on the tail as well,” I added.

I shut the trunk, buckled up, and headed home as soon as I was sure my father was cranked and rolling.

I feel I am cycling again as I periodically do. I am staying up later and later every night. Right now I am going to bed at midnight and waking up around nine in the morning. For months, I went to bed at eleven and woke up at eight or nine.

Jermaine, Jermaine, Jermaine…

I hadn’t been in Kroger last night for 10 minutes when I heard my name called by an unmistakable voice. I turned to look and it was our Jermaine sitting in his Hov-a-round scooter. He’s too big to walk around the grocery store.

“You’re not buying any melons tonight, are you?” Jermaine asked excitedly.

He was hoping he could help me bless his soul. I was stuck in some kind of weird Deja Vu as it seems we've had this discussion before.

“I was going to get the kind already cut up in the plastic containers,” I told him to placate him somewhat.

“They’ll give you salmonella and they’re never sweet,” he said to my dismay. “Let me pick you out a cantaloupe.”

I played along as we made our way to produce. Jermaine studied quite a few melons as I stood there impatiently and then he handed me one.

“That one is at it’s peak of ripeness,” he told me. “Smell it and feel the skin.”

I sniffed it and graciously told Jermaine thank you. I then quietly escaped to go get my bread and powdered donuts for this week. I noticed Jermaine got himself a melon as well. “Who got the better melon?” I caught myself thinking.

I ended up spending $74 dollars. Just a dollar short of my limit. Dad spent over $100 dollars for which I chastised him playfully.

“Mister big spender,” I told him laughing.

“You are going to benefit from it,” he replied to me huffily.

I noticed he had the fixins for vegetable beef soup and grew excited. He had some frozen vegetable soup starter, some Knox soup flavoring, and a couple of pounds of ground beef. Oh, how I would love some homemade soup and cornbread this week. If you think Campbell’s or Progresso’s soup is good, then dad’s soup would knock your socks off.

The Arduous Things Andrew Must Endure…

Two weeks ago, Rebecca had told me she would be on vacation this visit for my injection. She had told me not to fret as the other nurses would take good care of me. I had forgotten and my hopes sunk to the floor when Dee Dee informed me that it would be awhile before a nurse came available. The lobby soon began to fill up making me nervous – all of these coughing, sniffling, sickly people.

“Rebecca won’t let you get your seat warm before she calls you back,” Dee Dee told me with a smile and a chuckle.

I laughed back weakly in agreement.

“Rebecca spoils me rotten,” I told Dee Dee in response.

The nurse practitioner in residence, Leigh Anne, finally stuck her head out the office door and welcomed me back. Leigh Anne is so very sweet and wanted me to be and feel comfortable. She’s only administered my injection one time before.

“I promise I won’t hurt you,” she told me with a warm but worried smile.

You could see the worry furrows in her forehead form. 

“I’m fine,” I promised her. “I’ve been doing this for ten years.”

They always try to use the short needle and are surprised when I insist on the 3 inch needle.

“The short one is for the deltoid muscle,” I told her. “The longest one is for the gluteal muscle.”

“We need to get that medicine deep as we can into my butt muscle,” I then told her in layman terms.

“What took you so long?” my father asked upon my arrival back at the pharmacy. “I was beginning to worry you drove back home and got back in the bed.”

“I had to wait in the lobby for 30 minutes,” I replied to my father. “Rebecca is on vacation.”

“I was about to call down there and see what was happening,” my father said dotingly.

The Hard Sell…

Dad and I both spent $95 dollars on our groceries last night. I spent $10 dollars on chicken salad alone. I also spent $5 more dollars on that decadently delicious Qui French style yogurt. My biggest expense was car care products as I washed my car the other day and I wanted it to look nice. Tire slick, trim finish, etc.

“I can’t say anything to you about it as I am just as bad in what I spent,” my father told me consoling me about the lofty price.

“Damn,” I said as we escaped the jaws of Kroger. “I forgot my journal writing sodas.”

“Here’s $5,” my father told me. “Go through self checkout and buy them really quick.”

We were headed to our cars when a strange, rail thin black fellow with a wandering eye approached us.

“Excuse me sir!” he kept saying as we kept walking. “Excuse me!”

He hit my father up for $20 dollars very aggressively and menacingly getting right in his face.

“I just want a sandwich from the deli and a soda,” he told us.

“First, back away from me. Let me finish loading my groceries into my car and I will go buy you a sandwich and a drink,” my father told him.

Well, he didn’t like that one bit and just walked off without saying one more thing.