A Moment of Endearment Last Night…

I was almost sound asleep last night when Tracy vigorously shook my shoulder.

“Andrew, what is that strange noise?” she asked.

I lifted my head off the pillow so I could hear with two ears.

“That’s Maggie,” I said. “She is snoring on the computer room bed.”

Tracy giggled.

“She snores like a freight train,” I told her.

“That is so cute!” Tracy exclaimed.

“Maggie!” I said loudly. “Shh!”

The snoring stopped.

“You need to go to sleep,” I told Tracy. “You have to work in the morning.”

The last thing I remember was her cuddling up close to me wrapping her arm around me spooning and I was sound asleep. My girl with the curls and the curves.

Morning Comes…

Tracy had to be up at six thirty her time to get ready for work. I begrudgingly got out of the bed and got in the kitchen to scramble some eggs, fry bacon, and make some buttery toast. We sat down at the kitchen table to eat. Maggie was begging for some bacon.

“Is it okay if I give her some?” Tracy asked.

“Be careful,” I replied. “She may try to take a finger as well.”

Tracy laughed.

My phone rang as I was cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast. It was my father and it was awful early for him to call.

“My iPhone is not charging,” he said in a panic. “I think the battery has gone out.”

He’s had a series of problems with it lately. He has a second generation (1st generation?) iPhone. It is time to trade up I told him. He said he was getting a shower and heading to T-Mobile. He's had his old phone for six or more years.

“Will I lose all my stored phone numbers?” he asked.

“I am pretty sure they can transfer them over to your new phone,” I told him. “They’ll just put your old simm chip into your new phone.”

That made him feel much, much better and emboldened about getting this new phone.

Oh, I Love Me Some Fanta Strawberry...

Tonight was just a run-of-the-mill grocery night. It still astounds my father that I can get so many groceries for $70. That was the total for the night. I also did get me some Cheez-it grooves which were on sale and I am hoping they have the texture of your traditional cheese straws served at weddings everywhere.

Dad talked on his cell phone as he walked around the store as I shopped. He was embroiled in a conversation with my brother-in-law. This always seems rude to me for some reason.

Oh, you're so sweet! My sweets tonight were one Edwards key lime pie, two big boxes of Little Debbie honey buns, and some unfrosted strawberry Pop-tarts.

"Get your journal writing sodas," my father then told me when we were about to check out.

Crucially, I had forgotten them and Papa came to the rescue. Papa's alright, you know? At least, he is these days. We used to be like oil and water. Now, we are more like salt and pepper.

The only thing I forgot tonight was batteries for my home theater remote control. Last week, I managed to get fresh and backup batteries for all my flashlights.

What's Going On Around Here Today...

Have I Met My Match?

"Well, I'll be damned," dad said over the phone. "And they are still calling?"

"10 or 15 times a day. It is making my nerves bad," I told my father. "I would unplug the phone, but I am worried you might need to get ahold of me. I am charging my iPhone right now and then I am going to unplug the landline phone."

Dad knows to ring twice on my landline and I will call him back ala Martha my mother. He can never remember my cell phone number so I had him write it down.

"Let me call Larry (dad's lawyer) and we can see what we can do," he said. "We might have to file harassment charges."

"It is Tuleana and not Rich," I added if it helped some. "Richard is too timid to do something like this. Tuleana is the one that is bat shiat crazy."

"What is her phone number?" dad then asked. "I am going to call her and threaten harassment charges and tell her not to ever call you again or she will be in for a world of pain."

I rummaged around atop my entertainment center and finally found the number and gave it to dad.

"I'll let you know what happens," my father told me. "Let's shake up her world a little bit."

A Message I Just Left On My Father's Phone...

"Dad? I don't know if you've left the pharmacy yet, but will you bring me something for heartburn? I am having a terrible time with heartburn tonight. It is driving me crazy!"

"Boy, was I mad as hell at you last night. I could've pickled your goat I was so mad. I love you too much to stay mad at you though. Love you and I will see you tonight." 

My phone rings with my father laughing loudly...

"You said you could've pickled my goat?" dad asked laughing hysterically. "I love you son. I had fallen sound asleep in my recliner with my pussy in my lap! Our lights were out! I will bring you some Tums and some Prilosec."

Criminal Minds...

I clean up for Charlie so he won't have to do it for me, and my father and Charlie were on the way with medications and supper. I was hurriedly carrying my trash across the yard to put it in the bin by the road when George walked out to talk to me.

"Well, they got your car and then they got me last night. Sons a bitches!" George told me drunkenly. "They stole eighteen beers off my porch sometime last night. When I went to eat breakfast at six this morning they were gone."

George's face was beet red from his exertions.

I told George I would call the police and get them to step up patrols. That seemed to placate him somewhat. I got online to get the police department's phone number. The nice lady on the phone assured me there would be a patrol car passing about every hour tonight through the neighborhood.

"I can't believe you used the phone to actually call the police," my father told me over the phone. "That took a lot of chutzpah for you to do considering your phone phobias."

"Necessity can sometimes be a big motivator," I told my father. "I am like George. I am tired of all that shit."

Honey? Let's Make a Concerted Effort to Sleep Until 1 PM...

Maggie and I both slept until 1 PM today and what a wonderful sleep it was. We both needed it after our early morning yesterday. Maggie slept with her back against my chest and our breathing would become synchronous. My dear departed grandmother would have just had a fit and died. "You let that dog sleep with you?" She didn't believe in cats and dogs in the house (but she believed in Noah's Ark). Memaw cooked the best macaroni and cheese so I never told her not to believe in old wive's tales such as that. Maggie is just one of the family with all intents and privileges within.

Lotsa Crooks Around Here Lately...

Did I tell you how much that shoplifting fellow affected me the other day? Boy, was the adrenaline pumping and flowing. It was a true fight or flight moment for me. I realized in hindsight I should have run out there and got his license plate number for my friends at Fred's. I could've just wrote it on my hand with the pen in my pocket. Everything just happened so fast. Imagine my and Maggie's adrenaline levels when someone outside your window answers his ringing cellphone and says he can't talk right now. Holy SHIT!

Ye Olde Puff and Stuff...

It is rather sad when you try to call your father and he doesn't answer his phone anymore. It happens a lot lately. I will call and get dumped into his voicemail. He never goes without his phone. He thinks I want something out of him or that I need something like my medications. If my sister were to call, he would immediately answer with "Hey darling." I would be lying if I didn't say it hurts my feelings. Doesn't he remember I am so reliant on him for so many things? And not by choice? There ends my sanguine moment...

It's Okay. It's Alright. Cause There is Beauty in the Breakdown...

Maybe I shouldn't write about this.

This is probably schizoaffective related (paranoia) but that last call was the second call to my father in an hour. He didn't answer the phone on either call. I might be paranoid, but I believe my father is playing cat and mouse with me and avoiding my phone calls. He never parts from his cellphone. He also knows I will ask for my medications early which I will. I woke up in a mental fog and the mental illness doldrums. It is not that bad, but I would feel 10 times better with my meds in my belly. It is a long stretch until 9 PM tonight.

Walk Towards the Light...

"Come over here and get your medications," my father said urgently and sympathetically over the phone. "I was out working in the yard and missed your calls. For god's sake, let's not get mired in the emergency room."

By this time, I was sobbing as the symptoms had escalated.

"Get you a drink out of the fridge and I have your medications in my hand," my father said when I arrived. "I should've driven to you but I wasn't thinking on my feet. I would never want you to suffer like that."

I gulped the myriad of psychiatric medications down with a swig of ice cold diet Coke. I know it is psychosomatic but I immediately felt better in my father's presence and after taking my medications. It is scary, you know? Not having control of your mental faculties.

Home Bound...

Traffic was very light as I drove home which was appreciated. I immediately put my six diet Cokes in the freezer upon entering my house. I wanted them cold pronto. They are such a pleasure. Maggie was in tune to that something was wrong. She got on the couch with me and pleaded for me to scratch her neck and belly which I obliged. Maggie's needs are much more simple than mine.

The phone then loudly and abruptly rang...

"Are you okay?" my father asked with a frantic sound to his voice. "Sirens are blasting down the street. I should have come to your house with your medications."

"I am fine!" I assured my father. "Maggie and I are safe and sound."

Tit For Tat...

The Wiley Ways of Mental Illness...

I told my father I had one of my best days mentally in years last night. I felt like Superman, the man of steel, as we drove to my parent's house to get my sodas. I puffed up my chest in bravado.

"I am going to get punished for it, too," I then told Pops with a chuckle. "Tomorrow will be the shittiest day mentally of my life."

We both nervously chuckled again.

"Don't say that!" dad told me sounding nervous himself.

I hate it when I am right. I am not having the shittiest day of my life but I feel pretty uncomfortable. I woke up at 2 PM with precursor butterflies in my stomach. I immediately called my father.

"Can we take my medications early today?" I asked my father.

"I am out running errands and will call you when I get home," he told me kindly after asking me many questions.

A Softer, Gentler, and More Benign Father...

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Dad's cell phone was out of service today so I took a gamble and called the landline. That's mom's territory. He immediately picked up the phone to my relief.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with my phone today!" he said sounding frustrated and agitated.

He was like a babe lost in the woods.

"Can I come and get my Cokes?"  I asked my father rather timidly with lots of hope,

"Sure! Come on over," he said, sounding very congenial. "We'll take your medications as well."

"Could it be that easy? That was easy!" I thought to myself gobsmacked.

Dad was fixing to leave to go talk to his lawyer about my mother's legal matters. This didn't stop us from having a good and lengthy conversation beforehand. Dad was talking about sex today and wanted to know the first girl I slept with and how old I was.

"It was Denise," I told my father rather embarrassingly. "And I thought she hung the moon. I must have been 17 years old."

Just Another Social Casualty...

Talking on the phone makes be downright nervous, jittery, and agitated. I make it more awkward than it actually is. I just can't help it. Birds gotta fly and fish gotta swim as you've seen me write a lot lately. Well, it's true! Mountains out of molehills as well? Laura used to call me all the time and it made me cranky. It also wore my nerves and patience threadbare.

It is raining pretty heavily here and I wanted to know if our grocery trip to Kroger at 9 PM was still on. I called on my parent's landline hoping my mother would answer the phone and let her help mitigate and negotiate this social call. I can pretty much tell my mother anything.

"Do I make you feel that way?" my father asked me about being nervous.

"You make me nervous as well," I said to my now chuckling father.

"Does you mother make you nervous?" my father then asked.

"I can talk to mom easily because she knows what I am thinking before I say it," I retorted at my father.

My father burst out with jestful laughter.

"I'll be over there in about 30 minutes to give you your medications and then we will go shopping," he said.

Shut In with Some Shuteye (Denied)...

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It is just one of them days. Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly. Mom is pissed at me for unplugging my phone. I wanted to sleep in and I knew if I left that phone plugged in then someone would call before 9 AM.  Mom had to drive over to my house and make sure I'm okay. That means I got awakened anyway. The best laid plans and all that jazz.

"You never fail to call me back," my mother told me as she gave Maggie loads of attention. "I've tried to call you several times."

"Don't talk to him and please scratch my back," Maggie seemingly said as if in ecstasy.

Of course, my mother can go a few days without answering her phone as well. I call it the Xanax haze. Have you ever lost track of whole days of your life? My mother has.

"What happened to your cell phone?" my mother then asked.

"The only thing I used my Samsung for was watching the weather and watching the weather radar," I replied back. "I never got any calls except from you and dad. It was a waste of money."

Mom has often been known to call me at 3 AM and ask me what day it is and what time it is in my defense. I always think that something bad has happened when a family member calls at 3 AM in the morning.