Firstly, it has been a busy week and I am still in the throes of insomnia. For instance, it is 2:30 A.M. in the morning and I am still wide awake. There is nothing to do at 2:30 A.M., but write and watch reruns of CSI: Miami.
Thursday evening, I and mom went out to eat. I drove us over to the Waffle House near the interstate and we both got Ham and Cheese Omelet platters. There is nothing more comforting than breakfast for supper for me some days. We ate a delicious meal. I paid, left a tip, and drove us on home. I do so much enjoy the time spent with my mother. We can talk about anything.
George called me yesterday evening and asked me if he did anything stupid while he was drunk. He couldn’t remember anything. That must be such a rough, disconcerting, and terrible feeling. I had a long and vainglorious drinking career, but rarely had a night I didn’t remember or spent passed out.
“No, you drank so hard and fast you passed out drunk as shit,” I told him.
“You sure I didn’t do anything stupid?” He asked. “I woke up this afternoon and all my money is gone out of my wallet.”
“You bought a whole fifth of expensive bourbon at a non-state liquor store,” I replied. “That ate up almost twenty dollars. You didn’t have much more in there.”
“Fuck man!” George exclaimed. “I’ve got to quit drinking.”
I have heard George say that a thousand times. Somehow, I doubt one blackout will urge him into quitting. He will be the first at the bar come tomorrow.
Carolyn came over last night and we are still at an impasse as far as our relationship goes. She asked me to sever all ties with George and the gang and to spend less time upon the computer. I laughed as she asked it not helping the situation. It sounded so incredulous and ridiculous. At least, we didn’t get into a big argument. I was too glib to care last night. I am tired of bullshit and, quite frankly, don’t give a fuck any longer. I am not about to have someone else dictate to me how I spend my time. Hell, she works all the time. What am I to do? Sit around this house and wait on her? Gah! I just need to shut up about this whole relationship thing.
9 comments:
Hi Andrew,
This is certainly one of the more difficult aspects of being in a relationship. I wish you success in navigating it.
My husband told me the reason he drank was because of the time I spent on the computer. Now before I had a computer, I read a lot of books. He would get mad if I came home from the bookstore with another book as it meant my full attention wasn't being focused upon him. It's great fun to sit around and watch a drunk 24-7 or watch anyone for that matter.
(-: Good luck!
It is always hard to know when to compromise with your partner and when to stand your ground. And as a reader of your blog, I am biased so I shouldn't give advice.
I want you stay on the computer so I have more to read! But in the end, I want what is best for you as I am sure all of your readers do!
Sounds like you're on one of those hills in your relationship. Its kind of a make or break point. Funny how many of those are in relationships. You kind of think to yourself, "Do I really want to climb this particular hill?" If you get over it, the road down is nice. Till the next hill that is.
For a relationship to work, both parties need to have their needs met and for some reason Carolyn is hungry for more from you. From my observation as another woman, I think she is not really upset about your friends and the computer :) Is there a way to give her the attention she needs without sacrificing your other interests? Can you stay off the computer while she is over at your house? Can you see George and the gang while Carolyn is working? You are a good guy and it’s sad to read that Carolyn is not more gracious and understanding. But also sounds like you really care for her and its worth working through. Hang in there!
Great comments from Holly.
Carolyn is asking too much when she says you should sever all ties with the gang. (No one ever has the right to tell another what they SHOULD do.)
You are right that writing and helping others and is your job, your purpose, your reason to greet each day with a smile.
The next step is calm discussion and compromise.
The compromise is that you hold firm on what you do with your life on your time, but that you devote attention to her when you are with her.
Also, make it clear that unexpected visits from her might find you busy and unable to give her your full attention.
The solution is to discuss visits and PLAN for them.
Boundaries are very important. Allowing her to dictate what you do would be your giving permission to cross your boundary of self.
You can only change yourself, not Carolyn or anyone else.
Suggestions:
Say what you want.
Say how you feel.
Ask what she wants and how she feels, then compromise, making sure your needs are met and your boundaries are intact.
Life is a great adventure in learning, and it never stops.
Embrace the adventure and learn from it. Think of troubles as happening for the opportunity to learn how to solve a new puzzle. Each new puzzle solved with a joyous heart creates personal growth.
Sorry to hear about the present troubles with C. She may be feeling a little lost these days, what with the job change and her new relationship with you. ?.
You are a kind soul and there is no doubt she sees that in you, too.
Maybe she just can't be clear yet about what she needs, or wants. ?
Try this when having insomnia, before getting frustrated and turning on the light (which will wake you up more.)
While in bed on your back, place your hands on your heart. Thank (your) God for being with you. Imagine being surrounded by the with Light of God. Busy thoughts will intrude. Each time, forgive yourself and return to the vision of being surrounded by White Light. Move your hands to just over your face. Take several slow breaths, all the while visualizing the White Light. Move your hands to the space next each ear. Breathe slowly and visualize White Light. Move hands to the back of the head. Rest upon them, fingers pointing towards the top of the head. Breathe and visualize. If you have not fallen asleep yet, start again with hands over the heart in thankfulness.
If you end up not falling asleep for awhile, you may find that you are rested anyway when morning comes.
Sir:
Both Holly and Kristen have stated some good possibilities for you to try if you continue to pursue the relationship. I would think that anyone with reason and/or logic would KNOW it is wrong and impolite and in fact downright RUDE to tell another person how to be, what they can or cannot do, and who or whom they should be friends with.
I reiterate again, I think Carolyn is displaying rather rampant signs of JEALOUSY. There is nothing more toxic and poisonous to a relationship that having one person in it display and behave in a jealous manner. In my opinion, this situation IS in fact a "make it or break it" issue. If Carolyn will not and/or cannot see and understand how her behavior is rude , unfair, and wholly inappropriate, then I would say you are far better off without her in your life.
That said, I think, if you can keep an even keel yourself when the next argument about this flares up... if you can force yourself to not respond back at her in an angry fashion (it is tempting, I know.... jealousy splayed onto me makes me feel very angry and upset)... if you can remain tepid, almost neutral, nearly stoic in your responses... you may be able to conduct a conversation where you can coax her into seeing how unfair and wrong her behavior has been in this recent episode.
If you can get her to see, get her to realize, get her to understand how rude her jealousy is, then there is the chance for your relationship to continue and even grow deeper.
It really is a truism. You can only change yourself. Yet, you can perhaps be an instrument for Carolyn to allow her to see and understand how SHE needs to change if the relationship will continue.
PipeTobacco
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