Patter goes the Rain…

I pitched my tent in the backyard before dark fall yesterday. A large swath of rain was set to move in yesterday evening and I wanted to experience its full glory. Around 9:30 PM, I grew very sleepy and walked down to the back of the yard to crawl into my sleeping bag and read as the radar said the rain would be here any moment. I lit my candle lantern and pulled out Tolstoy’s large tome of War and Peace. I am trying to slog my way through this novel, but find it very hard to concentrate to read these days and it is aggravating. I also picked a very weighty novel as well so it is no surprise. If I quit taking my medications for a few days other than the Risperdal, I can read better, but my symptoms also start to skyrocket like anxiety, paranoia, and panic attacks. I have tried that dangerous little experiment before and the benefits just didn’t outweigh the gains.

I had fallen asleep while reading and my almost spent candle lantern had burned down and snuffed itself out during the night. I awoke around 1 AM again to pattering rain upon the fabric of my tent and it was so comforting. I fumbled in my backpack for another candle, lit it, unzipped my tent door, and sat crossed legged at the threshold smoking cigarettes while sheets of rain were illuminated by the eerie, muted glow of my lantern beyond the door of my tent. Times like these are so comforting and soothing to my soul. I could imagine myself upon the trail on a cold and rainy night in the Appalachians waiting for the bad weather to pass to start another day of hiking.

I could no longer sleep so I ran to the house amidst a heavy rain to start some coffee. A cold front had blown through overnight and it had grown very, very chilly. I had walked out to sleep in only my boxer shorts and a t-shirt greeted by a very warm evening. The temperature had changed drastically in only a few short hours. I lit my gas heater inside and stood in front of it for the longest time trying to warm myself in front of its wonderful orange incandescent glow.

I then plopped myself down in front of this computer and read about menopause for the longest time for Carolyn. I am worried about her.

“It seems I have a lot of the symptoms of menopause myself like night sweats,” I chuckled to myself as I read, “And I am not even a woman.”

Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine being a young man and dating a woman dealing with such issues. She does exhibit all the classical symptoms. I was ignorant of the change of life for a woman until lately.

Carolyn finally made it back into work, but her supervisor was much outdone with her for being out so long. We were talking on the phone last night about it. She was worried.

“She told me I almost lost my job,” Carolyn said sadly.

“Your health is more important than some stupid job down at Wal-Mart,” I replied. “I wish you would quit and go back to work at Fat Albert’s.”

“That extra $270 dollars a month helps so much though,” Carolyn replied. “That pays all my utilities.”

“How do you feel tonight? You have worried the shit out of me,” I told her.

“I still feel blah,” She replied. “And I still haven’t gotten my period and it is way overdue.”

We talked for quite awhile longer until she became too tired to continue on. Carolyn was ready for bed and had to be into work early this morning. We told each other we loved each other and said goodnight. I guess I am just blessed to have a caring female soul that loves me and is willing to put up with my mental illness and aggravating (for a woman) eccentricities. Most attractive women would not even entertain dating a mentally ill guy with “issues” and who didn’t have a steady job. She is a dear soul to put up with me and love me so much.