I have not been feeling well the past two days. I caught how delusional I was yesterday by looking back at some websites I was reading. I realize now that what I was reading was not the same as it was this morning. I was also in a mode of mania yesterday and went full throttle all day and was exhausted by night. I got it into my head that someone was also changing my posts on my blog and come real close to closing it down. What looked different yesterday seems normal today. I did sleep well but had very strange and realistic dreams. I feel tired and worn out this morning.
I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist this afternoon. I am going to see if we can up the dosage of my Risperdal and maybe try some medications for OCD or bipolar. I think I might be developing a resistance to my medications and they are not working as well any more. I just have noticed some things this week and they seem to be progressing. I haven’t had any real bad spells with seeing things yet. It’s just that my reality and what really exists are clashing and sometimes I catch it like this morning after getting some rest. I did not see it yesterday and was delusional.
I hate that feeling of losing control so much. I felt so out of control yesterday. Like I was out of my mind or had no control of reality. I am just going to rest today and try to stay calm. I do not want to get sick again. Have a good day and take care.
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