The encounter…..

My ex-wife brought my check tonight. She brought our boston terrier Otis along. It was so great to see him. I had tears on my cheeks I was so happy that she brought him. I miss him so much and I miss her too. He ran around my apartment and sniffed and snorted every corner. He jumped up in my lap and licked me continuously on the face while I cried out in distress.

My ex-wife finally had to head home. We held each other a long time. I stood there with my face in her hair. It smelled wonderful. That feeling of her soft body in my arms made me melt. I wanted so much for her to be with me. I get so lonely sometimes.

“You know I still love you.” She said.

“I love you too hon. I am sorry for what has happened. I will always see about you.” I replied.

“I am sorry things didn’t work out.” She said.

I didn’t know what to say and just stood there. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hold her for eternity. I didn’t want this moment to end.

“Have you slept with Alaine?” she asked.

“No, I haven’t” I replied, “I just don’t feel right about it.”

After she left, I sat in my lazy boy and sobbed. Life is just not fair. I want to share my life with someone and be a good husband. I want to be a man and take care of her and handle all the responsibilities that come my way.

I often get angry at her and her selfishness. Love can be so hard and blind. I know I cannot live with her but I want her all the same. I want to sleep back in my bed I slept in for years. I want to have supper cooked when she gets home from work. I want to sit in front of the computer with our cat in my lap like old times. I want so many things but they are just a pipe dream. I know I cannot undo the past and she left me homeless and didn’t see about her husband when he was very ill. I know I cannot rely on her.

I wish…….but it is just a wish.