Taking a day off……

I didn’t work on my home today. I rested. I have worked my ass off all week and just needed a day to rest and catch up with my online world. I found a website today about unconventional thinking and ideas and got swept away reading it. I ended up spending hours reading and thinking over what the author wrote. He had a lot of great essays on simple living. These essays where right up my alley. I find it reassuring that people who think like me are out in the world and I am not so alone.

I don’t feel like blogging any more. I am having a hard time just to motivate myself to write for this blog. Maybe I am experiencing a burn out. I just find that I enjoy writing better if I keep what I write to myself. I can express myself without worrying about what people would think of my somewhat unconventional ideas and thoughts. I looked in a folder called My Blogs today and I have written over 400 word documents since December 2003. Many of these I never published. I enjoyed going back through what I wrote to see how my thoughts and ideas have evolved and changed over these past months.

It is completely odd for me to wish that my blog had no viewers or was not public? Maybe I just need to put together a little journal and organize all those many essays I have written in a format that is easy for me to peruse instead of having to open up each word file individually. I think I will look into adobe acrobat and making a .pdf file.

I guess one of my funks lately about blogging is that I have found it very restricting. I find that a write only about the good things and not the bad things. I feel people have a certain expectation of me and I must live up to that expectation. It is so easy to share the successes and keep the failures to myself. I see some of this in James Christian’s or James Ramsey’s (whatever the hell his real name is) blog. He wrote only of his successes and then one day he disappeared and left everyone wondering what happened. He had talked forever of going to AA and staying sober and the next thing he was in Jail.

I am not saying that things have been bad lately. On the contrary things have been really great. I am at one of the happiest times of my life. I am far more stable mentally and emotionally than I have ever been. I feel I have found my place in this harsh world. I still have wild thoughts and ideas. I would love to buy some land and become a survivalist. I would love to sustain myself via the homesteading lifestyle. I would love to hop a freight train and head across the country on a hobo journey and adventure. I would love to get on the train tracks in Waverly, don my backpack, and see where they take me. These are just dreams though and I enjoy planning and thinking about them.