Accosted

I went for my early morning walk this morning. Last summer, I would hike for miles and miles everyday. My dream was to someday hike the Appalachian Trial. The last leg of my walk brings me by the shopping center where the grocery store resides. I noticed Dumpster Diving Dan busily scouring the dumpster behind the store. He looked busy so I didn’t bother him. I hadn’t seen him for a few days and it was tempting to go talk to him. Dan is a great old guy.

I walked on into the store and bought me a Gatorade and a pack of crackers. I went back outside and sat down next to Big S on the bench between the dollar store and the grocery store. Droopy was standing up against the wall looking enigmatic as ever.

“What’s up, man?” Big S said as I sat down.

“Before you start, I don’t have any cigarettes,” I replied.

Big S chuckled.

“Man, I don’t want yo cigarettes,” He said showing me the pack in his shirt pocket.

About this time a little old black lady came ambling out of the dollar store carrying a bag. Big S lifted his great heft and walked over to her. She looked so surprised to be confronted by this big man. Big S was twice her size and so imposing.

“Ma’am, my car has run out of gas. Could you spare a few dollars so I can get home?” He asked. Big S doesn’t even own a car.

The poor lady sat her bag down on the ground and opened her purse and pulled out a one dollar bill and gave it to him. I watched as she walked off and Big S came back over to sit down with a big grin on his face.

“Works every time,” He said feeling pleased.

“Man, don’t you have any scruples?” I asked. “That poor old lady probably doesn’t have much money.”

“What is a scruple?” Big S asked.

“You know, ethics and morality,” I replied.

“Man, I gotta feed myself,” Big S said smugly.

I shook my head, finished my Gatorade, and walked on home. Big S doesn’t have a moral bone in his body. He would panhandle candy off of a small child.