I then drove home and found that Annabel had called me and I had missed her call. How I hated to miss speaking to her. She has given up the internet for Lent. She sounds just as chipper and vivacious in her voice as she does on her blog. I do so dearly miss her and her frequent blog updates.
Maggie has been a total curmudgeon tonight and will not come inside. It got up into the seventies today and I put Maggie in the back fence along with some food and water. A moment ago, I sat out on the back deck trying to coax Maggie inside. She was thoroughly content in licking my legs, but every time I would go to grab her to bring her inside, she would go tearing across the backyard barking. I fear midnight will roll around before I ever corral her into coming in.
I really missed my ex-wife today. I was just thinking that at this time of the night, she would have taken a long bath and would be lying in bed reading a book. This would usually find me beside her on our laptop browsing the internet. She would close the book and lie down as she watched me before going to sleep. I would reach out to hold her hand.
“I love you,” She would say.
I would reach over and brush her brown hair out of her green eyes.
“I love you too,” I would reply before closing the laptop and turning off our bedside lamp.
I would wrap my arms in the pillows and listen to her breathe as she went to sleep. I still have a hard time believing that I was ever married. I have missed those moments of togetherness today.
12 comments:
I think it's very natural to miss those feelings of togetherness. Unfortunately I got it mixed up and thought I was missing the person.
Mexican food...swoon.
It's ok to remember. I think it gives us hope for the future, the future that only we can mold and shape, even make better than what came before, or maybe build on what was before, in a different way , with new materials.
I know what you mean about missing the feeling of being together. I don't miss my ex at all, but I miss the feeling of being a part of something. I'm hoping within the next year or so I won't miss that anymore. ;-)
As long as you remain open to others, the possibility of again experiencing such closeness with another increases. Have a pleasant day.
It's heaalthy that you can admit these feeling about your ex. Damn I sure don't miss my ex. She's makes me crazy everytime I see her. and NOT crazy in love.
It is ok to remember and relive those book moments.....
Sir:
It is grand to have those feelings! Just try to keep at the forefront that those feelings are a distilled version of what was *good* in that relationship. They do not represent the total of the relationship, which was more difficult. I suspect similar (although likely less intense) feelings may be able to conjured up about Carolyn as well.
What *I* believe this means is that you are very, very human. You crave that beautiful feeling of oneness with another. You tried it both with Rachel and Carolyn... and came close to it with them both. Now, it is simply a matter of keeping open the search to find that true ONE that is going to share that with you on a permanent basis. She is out there, and you will receive that from her.... and likewise she will receive that oneness from you as well. When it finally happens, there will no longer be any doubt or worry.
So, stay strong, sir. I suspect you will keep persevering and will find her... and it will make the time and effort worth the wait.
PipeTobacco
P.S. Do you have any pipe stories of late? I would love to read some beautiful words on that subject.
I was always content on being by myself until I found someone. I thought I was happy being independent me, but not really. Sure, I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Great part about that now is that I still can, and with someone if I want.
It's good to remember the good stuff. I sat next to my ex tonight at a school meeting. It was like sitting next to an old friend, not an ex-husband.
That Maggie is something. She has a mind of her own.
I miss it too.
I will call you again... I'm putting your number in my cell phone so I'll have it while I'm gone. I'm sure I'll have some down time and I'll call you while I'm in Dallas.
Having started at your most recent post about drinking with Rosa and working back to this one, I am sensing a pattern. I wonder whether your desire to take the Librium and drink beer has something to do with being lonely. I am sorry your relationship with Carolyn is difficult right now and I empathize with you missing your ex-wife. I know my tendency is to isolate myself when I'm feeling badly or depressed, but it only ends up making me feel worse. Perhaps finding some healthy friends to just hang out with would help. Or maybe volunteering at a local animal shelter or something just to get out and be with others in a low-key social situation would ease some of those feelings.
I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds here, Andrew. I have been reading your blog for a while now and have come to feel quite fondly of you. I hope things work out.
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