Cobalt Blue Skies

The day has been gorgeous with beautiful cobalt blue skies. Been outside for most of the afternoon soaking up this cool autumn air as I smoked my pipe and daydreamed of computers. It is supposed to get down to 42 degrees tonight. I feel for Clara, but she does have a toasty warm sleeping bag. She is still continuing to refuse to go sleep in a women's shelter preferring to sleep on that loading dock behind the dollar store. It also makes me long to go camping now that the weather is growing cooler at night. I dream of grand adventures of self subsistence and survival in my head -- chilly nights wrapped up in my sleeping bag going to sleep to the sound of whip-o-wills.

Been pricing computers. Dell wanted $2400 for a computer I liked without a LCD monitor. I priced the comparable parts and I will save $1000 putting the computer together myself from the ground up. I think someone had said in my comments that Dells were overpriced junk. They are certainly overpriced. I wouldn't call them junk. My father and mother said they would pay for a new computer last night so that means I don't have to go into debt to get one. This was some much needed to hear good news. I have certainly been blessed these past few years by help from my family. I am not exactly Daddy Warbucks these days. I have already emailed a list of the parts to one of my father's technicians so they can order them through his business which will save them and me even more.

Me and dad were talking last night about my sobriety and how well I have been doing. I was getting some of the positive accolades I so crave from my family and that come only rarely.

"I want to cook you a meal for staying sober this month. I am so proud of you," he told me as he hugged me. "What would you like to eat?"

"I would love your spaghetti, a salad, and some toasted barbecue bread," I replied.

"We will celebrate next weekend and you can invite some of your A.A. friends."

"Let's make it just us," I said, shyly. "I want to enjoy my meal without the anxiety that surrounds others. I appreciate the sentiment, though."

I am still waiting on my camera. The flash memory card has come and taunts me from it's svelte packaging, but I found out there was a recent worldwide recall on my camera due to light leaks in the chassis. This is causing the delay as stores struggle to restock with fixed merchandise.

Really struggling with writing creatively lately. My brain feels so slow and dumb. I hope to be over this terrible case of writer's block in a few days. I sit down to write and the words just don't flow like they normally would. Been looking at other blogs to get the inspiration to write. I long to go back to those carefree days when writing was easy for me.

I was also talking to Rosa last night about the drinking. When I grow bored, I want to drink the most. Rosa said that is when she struggles the most as well -- when she is bored and lonely. We vowed to help each other through these times and to recognize them. My natural inclination is to be aloof of my partner's needs. I've got to change that. One of the keys to staying sober for the long term is to be "in service" to others and to see about friends with similar needs. Alcoholism is such a selfish disease and we have to break from those old selfish habits. Imagine going against a lifetime's worth of learned coping skills as an alcoholic and you can imagine the daunting task of staying sober.