Here are some of the more interesting delusions and thoughts I had while un-medicated…
- When I was in college and had an apartment, I thought my upstairs neighbors were bugging my phone and eavesdropping. I also thought they had put cameras in my ceilings so they could watch my every move. I took apart the very nice cordless phone I had to find nothing. I also nailed quilts upon my windows so they couldn’t spy inside and tore holes in my ceiling with a crow bar looking for those imaginary cameras. It was one of the more mentally interesting moments in the history of my schizophrenia.
- After my divorce, I thought Rachel had become pregnant by me and was starring in porno films. I kept calling her and my father to talk about the imaginary baby that was on the way. Rachel would grow so exasperated with me when she would try to convince me she wasn’t pregnant. My ex-wife was also a prude and would never take her clothes off for money let alone star in porno films as well. It shows how delusional I can get sometimes when I am not taking my medications.
- When I was married, I thought God and Jesus were speaking to me through the internet and television. I starting keeping a written journal of gibberish that I thought was the word of God as spoken to me by the nightly newscasters. This particular phase of my mental illness drove my then wife crazy at the time. She just didn’t know what to do with me and I wouldn’t take my medications on a regular basis.
- For the longest time, I would grow extremely paranoid when I would drive my car. I thought I was being followed by the police and FBI and would take weird, out-of-the-way routes home and to work to confuse my imagined pursuers. I really shouldn’t have been driving at the time.
7 comments:
I can relate a lot more than I really should. Glad the meds are giving you some relief from it!
Andrew, was it just the irregular medicating that reuined your marriage? Do you think it would have lasted if you had been more diligent then with your medications or was it just a bad decision you guys made together? I'm just trying to get a grasp of whether your illness is the true catalyst or was it just an excuse she (or you) used to end it? Just curious. You seem to be speaking alot of Rachel lately and I'm guessing you might be missing marriage/companionship? And maybe that's why you are drawn to Carolyn and Rosa.
This is bloody tough sir, for you and everyone around. Thank God for modern psychotropics, they do more than pay for my salary.
I had a friend with similar symptoms. One day he told me that dogs were trying to get to him. He never fully explained, but he thought he saw these dogs everywhere. Dogs tried to get into his apt at night, etc...we'd walk and he'd point at an empty car and swear there was a dog in it, watching him. After awhile he thought I was telling him there were no dogs because I was working with these dogs. He decided I was the enemy, and eventually, everyone was.
He lost so much weight during this period of time he appeared to be anorexic.It looked like he never slept. He finally went into a hospital and is OK now, doing his meds, but he lost a few years when he was in his 20's.
I think it would be frightening to think big dogs were after you--how could a person function?
I don't know what meds he takes now, but he is fine.
thatis very interesting. I do not know much about mental illness in general. Thank you for the sligh glimpse into your world!
Wow, this is the most personal account of schizophrenia-related hallucinations I've ever heard. We've read about it, seen it in movies, but nothing of that sort could ever even compare to reading about it here on your blog. I'm glad the meds have given you some relief. Great blog. I think I'll visit it regularly now.
You might have a mental health issue, but it hasn't clouded your intelligence, you are very good with your blog and writing is very therapeutic. It is good to know the medicine helps you to maintain a normal life...I always hated that word normal, was is normal anyways?
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