Ferret is not doing well. It seems he has unleashed the hounds as far as his drinking goes after a many month drought. He did so well for most of the winter.
Seeing him today made me glad I am sober. He went straight back to his old ways of drinking mouthwash and missed work today. His clothes were amiss and he looked haggard and tired down at the shopping center needing a shower badly.
Not seeing Ferret or hearing from Ferret is good news. It means he is doing well and busily working. Seeing him down at the shopping center at his old haunts all day was an ill omen and didn’t bode well for the future.
“That dude was drinking mouthwash from the dollar store,” Rosa told me quietly, as if it were a secret, as we were walking back to my house for some sandwiches.
“I know,” I said. “It’s crazy.”
“Will mouthwash mess you up?” Rosa asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “It has the same amount of drinkable grain alcohol as a 60 proof bottle of whiskey. It will most definitely get you messed up.”
“God, that’s got to be tearing up his insides.”
I sighed and agreed, worried.
Ferret had climbed the fence behind the shopping center and slept on an old blanket last night. I saw Dumpster Diving Dan this morning and he told me he saw Ferret crawling through a hole in that fence early this morning to go get what he presumed was breakfast. It must have been a sad sight to see. Dan just shook his head and agreed with me that alcoholism is a terrible thing. Dan knows all too well from his own experiences with drinking and getting sober over the years after his tour of duty in Viet-Nam.
“I did some crazy things while smoking crack cocaine,” Rosa told me. “But I don’t think I would ever drink mouthwash.”
I was now standing in my kitchen making I and Rosa some roast turkey sandwiches and potato chips.
“Never say never,” I replied. “You know all too well how crazy addictions can get when you are using.”
“But mouthwash…” Rosa said flabbergasted as I cut her off from saying anything further.
The whole conversation felt tawdry and cheap.
“Let’s drop it and eat our lunch,” I said as I set our paper plates on the kitchen table, sitting down, as Rosa joined me.
We quietly sat and ate our sandwiches as Rosa mulled over what had happened today. She wasn’t hanging around when Ferret was using last summer and was astonished someone could live like that. Alcoholism is a terrible disease, indeed, I pondered as we ate.
11 comments:
it's really amazing the things you will do when the disease has you. the last few years of my mom's life, she was drinking constantly. big plastic cups filled with Crown Royal and enough soda to make her think she was hiding it. the very last year of her life, she drank those big cups every day while simultaneously taking chemotherapy treatments to fight against the Hepatitis C that was already ravaging her liver. Drinking. During chemo. For liver disease. that's like smoking while on oxygen and dying of lung cancer. same same same. :(
i guess this is why i overreact whenever anyone suggests i help my pain medicine along with a glass of wine. the risks just seem so great.
i'm glad your blog is here. and i'm glad you're okay right now.
Every day is a gift. I'm glad for every day I read your blog and find you sober. I know your struggles, and have such admiration for you.
I am so sorry to hear about your friend, Ferret. And I, too, am glad to know you are sober right now.
I hope you're sleeping more than I am tonight!
Terroni,
I am up! I am watching NYPD Blue on TNT and drinking coffee and smoking cigars. I couldn't sleep as well. We are kindred spirits tonight! hehe
Andrew
Me too, I'll settle for the coffee and a better day tomorrow - Hmmmm it is tomorrow!
ciao da lugano - switzerland, giovanna
Tough.
Yes, anything that challenges your mind, any type of addictive behavior that poses a threat to yourself is just so said. I hope for you that you'll continue to see the downward spiral in your pal, Ferret, thus reminding yourself as you mentioned why it's so important to stay sober.
I'm STILL on zoloft and if I don't take it, I'll turn into this raging hormonal can't get out of bed, can't function mom..and turn towards the pain med's that are left over from my third son's birth just to take the edge off. I have to fight with myself each day to not take one..and it's extremely tough.
Again, may today find you with quarters in your pocket and a great cigar with good Rosa company.
always,
Crustybeef~
I've been away for a few days, and just saw the news about Ferret. It makes me want to cry. I hope he can pull himself back together.
What a horrible thing. I wish someone could talk to him. I wish he would listen.
Hi Andrew,
I just sent you an e-mail, but thought I would add a comment in the event you would like to check out my blog and learn a bit more about me.
Please, if you don't get the e-mail (I am not all that good with computers) drop me a comment and let me know. Thanks so much!
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