Day three without any major mental illness symptoms. I can get carried away and think I am cured.
"Do I have to take these medications for the rest of my life?" I asked my father last night.
"I believe you will," he said. "Don't start back wanting to go off them."
"I was just curious," I replied defensively. My father is so pro-medication.
I now realized know why I drank all those years. I was miserable. I drank to cover up the symptoms of my schizophrenia. Drink was sedating, depressing, and subduing. It made me to not have a care in the world. Little did I know, I was committing slow suicide.
When I get a string of days where I feel well, then I can get cocky. I want to tackle the whole world and climb proverbial mountains. I also get bored and start thinking of jobs, good jobs. Jobs that will pay me a living wage. These are normal dreams not usually entertained by someone with my lot on life. It feels good. I feel confident. I want to tell the whole world!
12 comments:
So happy you are feeling well and confident again.
Welcome back ; )
I am glad you are having a good day. I think the job will be there for you when you are really ready for one. You have changed your life so much,that even though the illness will always be there, you will be able to do more of the things you want to do.
Hi, Andrew,
I really find comfort in reading your blog. My thirty year old daughter, is schizophenic. She still lives at home because she is unable to work, or live on her own for now. She is taking paxil & resperidone, which are only minimally helping her.
Your blog has helped me to understand her feelings a lot better.
I love the days when you feel like you can tackle the world. It's very empowering.
It's so kewl you are feeling on top of the world Andrew!! *high five*
Cocky, huh? Confident too. Glad to hear about your good days.
How did your cornbread turn out? I've never gotten it right, no matter what.
Waiting to hear about the magazine...
I love the energy you're having...it always makes me smile knowing that you're in an assertive mood---glad to see that!
Hi maggie!
Elizabeth
Regardless of how long it lasts, good days are wonderful! Take the good as it comes...
Have a most wonderful day today Andrew!
Hugs.
:)
Days like these are wonderful! Soak it up...and pat yourself on the back...for how far you've come! :)
Yeah, how did the cornbread turn out?
I think the toughest part (on everyone) about schizophrenia is that feeling that always comes up when one has a string of good to great days.
My brother would feel great for a few days and then quit taking his meds, but it would always catch up to him. Usually with drugs or alcohol, too. It's tough on everyone because you feel like you're constantly starting over.
It's a rough cycle, and you've managed to avoid it for so long. It's really impressive. Way to stay clean and sober, as well.
I am tickled to hear that you are feeling so well. Stay strong and in the drivers seat~~
My dad is "pro drug" as well...makes me crazy sometimes. Those pharmacists have trouble thinking holistically, and that can be a problem.
hey hey. How are u feeling? Take care, Kyrie.
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