“I am not going to be able to make it to George’s parole hearing Thursday,” I told Mrs. Florene over the phone during my lunch break. “I just can’t get down there during the day and work at night, too. I just can’t afford to take time off from work Thursday night with this new position.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Mrs. Florene replied. “He was so looking forward to seeing you. I was hoping you would be the cornerstone of our hearing with you being a white man giving him a job.”
I sighed very deeply. It was one of the harder phone calls I have had to make in a very long time – much harder than the many squabbles my father and I would often have over my medications.
“Tell him he is in my mind and heart,” I told Florene. “I will be thinking of him. I will be anxiously waiting all day for news of the outcome. Get Monte to call me as soon as the hearing is over.”
“I will, sweetheart,” she replied. “I know you are a busy man these days and I am so proud of you. Aren’t you excited, though?”
“I am very excited!” I told her. “I am so hoping we will get George home!”
With that, we hung up the phone. I had to take a Klonopin I got so stirred up, emotional and anxious over the call. I can only wait and hope for the best for my favorite friend. Can you imagine how interesting the blog is going to get with George home and back to his usual antics sans drinking? I look forward to a little more social zest in my life.
A Buzzy Ping…
I signed up for Apple’s Ping – a new social networking service for music related things that comes with iTunes 10. So far, I don’t have any friends so it doesn’t have much point unless you want to follow Lady Gaga and all her “Monsters”. I am hoping more friends will sign up and find me. I am listed under my real name. I also enabled Google’s Buzz for the first time in Gmail. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to follow other people and I am technically savvy. I am following Austere out of India and some Australian man that talks about Australian politics. If you know, then tell me. I seriously need some Google Buzz lovin’. I am finding Google’s Buzz more for social media as Google Reader is for blogs. I am going to be so social media connected it’s ridiculous! lol A jack of all trades and a master of none will probably be on my Internet tombstone.
Being Thrown to the Lions…
Today was my last day of training for my new position. I insisted on doing most of the work preparing me for Sunday night. I worked really hard, helped a lot of customers and sold lots of electronics. I am going to go to bed for awhile and force myself to stay up all night tonight as if it were a normal working night. I bet tonight will be a big Internet night as nothing will be on TV in the early hours of the morning. I will have to rely on my New Zealand homed Twitter friends for entertainment tonight. I also have Coast to Coast AM as well.
My biggest fear is the cash register at work. Many customers have learned that it is sometimes easier just to go back to electronics to ring up their non-electronics related items – often the point of sales up front being very busy with lines. This can keep us busy at times having to dote over that damned point of sale on the counter. I get flustered when things just don’t go right – the point of sale often being a source of consternation and aggravation. Prices can sometimes be wrong and don’t ring up all together. You have to call someone higher up to help. My biggest fear is that this will happen Sunday night when I am all alone sending my social anxieties reeling. You better bet I am going to have a few Klonopin to take for the ready Sunday night having been very frugal with my intake since seeing my psychiatrist – always worried about growing too dependent on the pills to do my job. Sunday night and a few nights after that will be an exception.
I am also bringing my laptop to work Sunday night for a much more unfettered Internet experience. I have already reinstalled Windows XP and all my favorite programs getting my laptop for the ready. I surmise it will be very slow at work and I will have lots of time to kill. I can’t imagine too many people buying LCD televisions or cellphones at 3am in the morning. Much of my time will be spent stocking and fronting the shelves as Derrick told me today. He said he worked third shift for about a year and that kept him busy many nights.
Well, I am off for a long nap and then up to stay awake all night. Y’all be thinking of me. This is a big step in my life and big obstacle to overcome as far as my anxieties are concerned. This will probably be one of the more memorable moments in my recovery and independence from my family that will occur as I pass this milestone in my life. I am probably heading to bed with my pups.
6 comments:
If you can get used to the hours I think 3rd shift will be perfect for you. It's not so customer oriented and you will get a chance to really learn your stuff without too much pressure. Once it is second nature, you will be ready to take on the customers with less anxiety. Your dr is right. A new job is stressful for all of us. I give myself 3 months to learn the job and more importantly, all the office personalities. In my job now, the people changed so often that there were new personalities all the time. I think that is the hardest part.
I will be waiting to hear the outcome of George's hearing and will hope it all works out for the best. It will definitely be interesting with him around. I doubt he will not be drinking though.
How ashamed I am of not even thinking of that hearing for George. Got so wrapped up in the excitement of your success that I had just completely forgotten him. It may work out for the best, though. I'm not sure that you really need the added responsibility of having to make sure that George lives up to the terms of his parole. If you had been the cornerstone of his parole, you certainly would have taken your duties very seriously!
As to being anxious about taking care of things alone at work - you can always call on someone else for help. And as much as you want to do your best, you should keep in mind that this is not open heart surgery. If you make a mistake, nobody will die. People make mistakes every day and the world just keeps right on turning!
You will do great - as you always do, my dear!
Love ya,
Grannie
Good luck with your shift. It is very exciting. I am sure that things will be okay I think "pause when agitated", It helps.
Why dont you write a letter on behalf of George..Maybe the parole board would take that into consideration..His mother could take it with her when she goes to his hearing...I am sure people cant always go to a hearing, so they should take into consideration the letter...its worth a try.
You can do this! We all know you can, now it's important for YOU to know that you can! Don't think of the Klonopin as a bad thing. Remember... if you were diabetic and needed an insulin shot to get through the night, you'd take it and not think twice about it. Anxiety is not YOUR FAULT... it just is, and medication helps stabilize it. Think of it that way... that's how I think about taking all my medications. I think you'd be more than amazed at how many people that you see everyday who take either an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. So... all of us have faith in you, and you should, too!!
I can't wait to move into the Electronics Dept. at Sears in a couple of weeks... so looking forward to it! :-)
Andrew,
Good Luck tomorrow. You will do just fine. You have made such strides the past couple of months. Think of it as a challenge not a dread.
You've only been there a short period of time and have already been promoted. You'll be climbing the Corporate Ladder in no time!
Keep us posted on your day.
Make it a great one.
Your Columbus, OH connection,
Lisa
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