“How many loaves of bread are you getting today?” mom asked me when it started.
I had been feeling shaky all morning. I came home from work and took a 2 and 1/2 hour nap and woke up feeling panicked. I shouldn’t have gone. I clutched my chest as mom looked up at my lack of response.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I am starting to have an anxiety attack,” I told her, asking for the keys to her car.
The grocery store was very busy was part of it. I felt claustrophobic and closed in within the narrow, crowded aisles. Mom was also asking me a hundred questions today as is her custom and it wasn’t helping matters. I just felt totally overwhelmed.
“Go sit in the car and I will buy your groceries,” mom told me. “I pretty much know what you like.”
I raced out to the car at a furious pace, cranking it and turned on the A/C to high. I leaned back in the seat and began to breathe in and out deeply through my nose as my heart thumped in my chest.
“You’re going to be okay,” I told myself reassuringly. “Nobody ever died from a panic attack. This too shall pass.”
It didn’t take mom long to buy my groceries much to my relief. It is always interesting what whims motivate her in what she will buy me. It is kind of like a potluck supper in that you get some interesting surprises when you arrive home to unload. I think mom buys me what looks appetizing to her at the time.
I was so glad to arrive home to my Mag dawg and Caramel. I quickly unloaded my groceries. Put them away. Then I took a Klonopin and settled into my Laz-E-Boy for the pill to take effect. You can almost mark your watch as it will take exactly thirty minutes and then suddenly my heart will quit racing as the medication enters my bloodstream. It is such a feeling of calm and relief as if you just passed the finish line running a marathon. These anxiety attacks really take a lot out of you mentally and physically as your body struggles to cope with this odd and strange malfunction.
15 comments:
That sucks. I think my son has panic attacks and he is 8. I try to help him breathe through them and I just wrap my arms around him. It is hard on him and me.
i'm so glad you blog about this stuff. i don't normally have anxiety attacks, but today i'm feeling the panic.
it's good to remember the stuff i tell my friends who go through this, that it will pass. anxiety attacks feel horrible, but they won't kill you.
ah... breathing.... thanks!
Hate that the panic attacks are still popping up now and then. The only good points are that they don't seem to be as severe or last as long as they used to.
I'm so proud of how well you are able to handle them now. Good job, dear!
Glad that it passed as you knew it would. Fewer and far between, right? That is good.
It was great witnessing how you took care of yourself.
I wonder if this is part of a delayed response to all the recent changes you have made lately.
I also have anxiety issues from time to time. I manage it by getting exercise every day. Gentle, joyous, and aerobic (if at all possible). Right now I stretch, or walk or swim, or do pilates. What things do you most like to do that get you moving? I don't think I have heard you talk yet about exercise.....
Exercise might notbe a bad idea but I know from experience that it is hard to do working night shift. Maybe you can work it into your work life if it is that slow!
You did good! Syd is right, fewer and farther between. It's hard to adjust when you have to break up your sleep patterns. Maybe mom could go shopping with you later in the day or on a day off. You may even be able to go on your own now when it's more convenient for you.
You've had so much on your plate lately - the new job and hours, the sleeping problems, the breakup with Stacey, worrying about George, that it's not surprising it would eventually catch up with you in the form of an anxiety attack. Crowded stores make me feel a bit claustrophobic as well, if I was prone to panic attacks I can imagine it would be a trigger for me too. Sounds as if you handled it very well and I hope you feel better now.
Sir:
Please keep in mind that the frequency of the attacks has declined sharply. That is a positive to always keep in mind.
Have you made any more medication changes since your last panic attack? If so, that may be one factor that contributed to the panic attack? Even potentially your refraining from tobacco may have altered or lowered your threshold point for experiencing a panic attack? I know for me, that when I feel edgy, my pipe is an important companion for me.
One final thought... on the day preceding your attack, were you adequately hydrated? If not, that may be an important issue as well.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
Hope your evening is going better. I have left my grocery cart full during a panic attack at the store. I started going early in the am when there are few people there and do ok. If I can't, and have to go during the busy hours I take a Klonopin before I leave. Glad your mom was there for you. Sal :)
Jo
I just recently started having anxiety again; because of some stressful situations going on. Also, not sleeping well, going to try the Percogesic, I hate benadryl, makes me cranky!
Hoping all's well..Miss hearing from you each day..
I hope all is well with you too. Miss reading your daily post.
You okay????
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