“What in the holy hell is wrong with you?” George asked me last night worried.
George just got finished calling me a “space cadet”. We had just been to an all-you-can-eat catfish establishment. My treat as George sat in the car as I drove us home. We both ate our weight in fried catfish, hush puppies, fries, and slaw. George had been wanting to go since he got out of jail – one of his favorite restaurants.
“Dissociative behavior,” I replied as George lit up a cigar and buckled his seat belt.
“Dissociative what???” George asked alarmed as he turned to glare at me.
“I feel like I am having an out of body experience,” I told George as I pulled into Mrs. Florene’s driveway. “It is like I am all not completely here in myself.”
George frowned and told me to go home and go to sleep.
“Take three or four of your Klonopin!” he told me as he got out of the car. “And get some rest. Your stressed out!”
I didn’t go home. My uncle recently gave me a Kim Richey compact disc Bitter Sweet and I have been obsessed with it – listening to it over and over. One of the best CDs I have heard in decades. Every song on the CD has merit. I drove way out Spring Road to just sit and look at the stars last night where it intersects with the dirt Smedley road. Far out from the glare of the city street lights. It was a surreal experience and it reminded me of all the lonesome nights I spent in college doing the same as I sat drinking beer and smoking cigarettes lost on the back roads of the outskirts of Montevallo, Alabama.
I finally did come home around midnight anxious to check our updated forecast. The weather has also been an all encompassing obsession with me lately with big changes in store for us finally. I was also anxiously awaiting Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell tonight. Art is rarely on these days and it is treat for dyed in the wool Coast to Coast fans. He was having a psychic witch name Dr. Evelyn Paglini on to interview. I wasn’t disappointed. It was like the Coast to Coast of old – the Coast to Coast I have so missed these days as it becomes more and more mainstream and milquetoast.
I don’t have any plans for today my day and night off. I will most likely spend it sleeping as usual to escape this dissociative feeling I am experiencing for the past two days. Sleep has become the great escape and I worry I am growing depressed. I have felt completely odd the whole week with each passing day growing easier and better. Last weekend was hard. It was like those mental illness trials of old. George calling me a space cadet was an ample description of how I’ve been feeling lately – totally spaced out.
Well, I am off to turn my air down to seventy, pull on a plethora of quilts atop me, and go to bed before dawn arrives.
29 comments:
It's a full moon.
Big weather changes can affect your mood.
Enjoy your day off!
Many things can affect your mood. I am hoping it is something that will go just as quickly as it has come. Keep an eye on it though and maybe try and go in and see your dr a little early. Better to be safe...
When I was a little girl we had a rooster named Smedley for years. He was more of a pet than a farm animal. My sister brought him home from the fair and then of course lost interest, but for me he was special and I would spend hours outside with him wrapped in a baby blanket and singing to him. When I was 10 we got a swimming pool and he relocated next door where and old Italian woman lived who had many strange pets as we did and lived out the rest of his years. Your post made me think of him.
Yes it is the weather changing, it affects moods. My son has had many mood swings this week.
I think you'll feel better soon. You described a strange morning I experienced over 10 years ago, but never forgot. I was at work, going through the motions, but I told my co-worker that I was there but not there. She smiled to humor me, but all I know is that I never felt like that before, or since.
Hi. To reconnect with the body is good to make aerobic exercises, like running on go cycling. Try to do something like this each day, it will help you with dissociation.
Hope you feel better soon. This is something you need to share with your doctor when you see her this week.
That meal you and George shared sounds delicious, well except for the catfish. Fish is not one of my favorite food items, but I love the rest of the menu.
Have a great day off!
I'm reading and cleaning intermittently, lol.
Hope you feel better soon.
Hope things start to come together soon. Some days I feel a bit "off" myself. Easy does it.
Call your doctor! You don't have to wait until you have an appointment with her. If you aren't feeling well, she's supposed to be accessible to you. You don't have to suffer.
I always blame my fould moods on hormonal imbalance. You can borrow that excuse if you want...
I caught the Art Bell shos as well!! I was delighted to hear him. And yes, it took me back too!
Love from Arizona (it's 106 today-blah)
You may be depressed over the breakup with Stacey. The breakup may be affecting you more than you realize.
Hope all is well with you!
I've been off line for the Jewish holidays. I'm a wee bit worried about you Jonathon.
Me too. Are you ok?
Sir:
I hope that you are doing well.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
((hugs))
I've been feeling strange lately, too. Anti-social in the strictest sense of the word. Being around people makes me anxious. And paranoid.
I hope you feel better when you wake up.
Sending positive vibes your way Jonathon :-)
We are all starting to get a tad concerned...are you ok? Just drop us a quick note. Pleeeeeaase?
Hey there... getting a little concerned... you okay? thinking of you...
hope you are ok , you know we worry about yu when your not online . hope the weird feelings are gone and that you are just taking some =time off :)
Sir:
I believe today is the day you were set to see your mental health physician. I am hoping that you are still able to go. If you are experiencing difficulties, he/she should be able to help you.
I am hoping things are going well and that you have simply taken a few days away from blogging. But, if things are rough, I also hope that you are able to see your mental health physician so that you may again feel back to the way you have been. Keep in mind the tremendous progress you have had in making your life the way you wish it to be. Even if this is a setback... it does not have to be a return to the times you did not like, nor should a setback be construed as a failure. Life is a process... and try to keep focused on feeling moderate in your emotions concerning any changes that may be happening.
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
Just thinking of you and wanted to let you know.
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Pay me a visit and let me know with a comment on the blog what you think about it.
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Ditto Ditto to the first two.
Thank you for stopping by Andrew and yes, children take devotion and patience, but they give you so much more in return than you ever give to them. Blessings my friend and I hope you get to feelin' like your old self soon.
Slumber. The great escape. I use it too often as well. I hope you are feeling wonderful today Andrew.
hope you feel better very soon Andrew...do tell your doctor about the strange feelings..i think we all feel them from time to time,but they can be disconserting its better to get professional advice just incase it may be nothing at all...i do hope you feel better very soon...also lack of sleep can cause lots of strange feelings.
Its been awhile since I have read your blog! I missed it. Time to catch up!!!!
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