Going Through the Motions…

I haven’t had much to say lately. Just going through the motions of life. Work. Occasional play in that I am obsessed with music these days with a passion. I’ve been sleeping much better without aid than I have in months. Too much sleep would be what my psychiatrist would tell me.  In my all or nothing fashion I tend to go from one extreme to the other.  

George was sitting in my den last night asking me if we could find a way on the Internet to take off his ankle monitoring device so he could have a drink. I smiled as George went on and on about how “uncomfortable” it is and that it is “embarrassing” to wear. George is still up to his usual antics. I told him he only has about five more months and then it will be off. Give his mother five months of peace. George went on to discuss how great the sex with Pookie has been lately. It made me throw up in my  mouth a little bit as he said it.  I’ve said this many times before, but Pookie is the only crack addict I have ever met that is a hundred pounds overweight. George calls most crack addict women “chickenheads” as they are so skinny and their adam’s apples are so pronounced as their heads bob as they walk.  Of all the women available in the world, George has to pick the only overweight crack addict in the state of Alabama to do the horizontal tango with on a regular basis.  They are like the Bonnie and Clyde of the netherworld.  

Stacey and I are pretty much over with. To be explicitly honest, I was tired of the constant badgering. She grew too codependent on me.  Also, the whole deal with her children made me uncomfortable. I know it will be hard to find a woman my age without children, but I am going to wait and try.  Stacey was also ten years my junior and she still has a lot of growing up to do.  Life still has a few more lessons for her to be even tempered and even keeled.  I grew tired of the constant drama and would rather be alone.  I have grown rather comfortable over these past few years since Rosa and I broke up – comfortable in my bachelorhood. 

Work is still going well. I have settled in this comfortable routine every night.  I couldn’t have found myself in a better shift as far as easing myself back into working with the public and working in retail. It is so quiet at night and I spend much of my time just doing busy work. Stocking shelves mainly. I only have just a handful of customers after midnight and these people tend to be people who either work third shift or sleep in the day.

My father and I rarely talk which is pretty normal. Mom and I talk everyday. Lately, mom has started adding two extra drinks such as diet Sunkist to the six diet Cokes I pick up every morning. She adds these along with a treat such as a snack for the dogs or a snack for me.  I go by after work to pick them up and bring them home to drink them before going to bed. The caffeine doesn’t faze me as far as being able to sleep goes. It never has.

I’ve struggled with that anxiety more lately than I have in months. I don’t know what has changed, but have had the occasional anxiety attack this week. Thankfully, none at work, but they always happen late in the evenings after I have slept all day. I just have to get really quiet and lay on the bed for about an hour until they pass.  Strangely, sometimes they can be almost intoxicating – this strange sensation my body is feeling. I have always enjoyed feeling out of the ordinary or abnormal.  Thus my dabbles with mind altering substances over the years.  It is when they get out of hand do I grow scared.  I have kind of learned to temper them in a way that they are not so severe.  They don’t halt life like they did many months ago when I could barely function.

Well, it is about time for my supervisor to show up for work. I am going to shut down this laptop and get ready to head home. I am looking forward to grabbing some breakfast at a fast food joint and a newspaper, and heading home to get my diet Cokes.  Then sleep will follow.  I will try to get back on a regular writing basis again.