A reader wrote me an email. He was very nice but concerned that my Christmas Wish post was being too hard on Kevin Barbieux. He was concerned that it was not good for my recovery. I thought it was very nice considering some of my other postings about the guy. I really was trying to be objective and to think of a way to help him. I realize either a) this guy is a superb conman or online panhandler or b) he has a ton of problems and needs some serious help. I really was trying to put aside my biases and think of how I could help the guy. I am going to send him a box of socks for him to use and to give out to his homeless friends. Socks seem to be a prevalent trend in things to hand out to the homeless according to several homeless bloggers. Socks are also within my budget. I am sure he will be disappointed when it is not a new apple power book or Sony handyman camera but I cannot afford those things for myself let alone someone else. I question the good of such items when that kind of money should go to getting the guy off the streets, getting him help and medications, and not making him the homeless equivalent of an avant garde Hollywood director or artist.
There seems to be this prevalent trend in some of the emails I get that I should be more understanding and compassionate towards mental illness since I suffer from it especially when it concerns my posts about Kevin. I am probably one of the more compassionate and understanding persons you will meet in regards to this affliction. Just because I am mentally ill does not excuse my behavior whether bad or good. It is easy for me to fuck up and say, “Hey, it’s my mental illness. I have no control over my actions!” Society or my social peers will still hold me accountable for my actions whether I have a mental illness or not. Also, remember that I am still human and have the same fears, desires, prejudices, and misgivings as any of us.
There is also the issue of compliance to medications. If I were to not take or seek out help via therapy or medications then I would be fully accountable for my actions. I could easily stop taking risperdal and live in a weird, distorted world and do strange things. I would also be homeless again as my family would not put up with me without my medications and I most likely couldn’t keep up with the strict budget I am on now. Who is to blame? My illness? My family? Society for not understanding? No, it would be my fault because I choose not to comply. For those of you that cry that many mentally ill people do not have the capacity to take daily medications then I somewhat agree. There are some people that need hospitalization and constant monitoring for their own benefit and the benefit of others. That is where society and families step in to help out and to alleviate the problem.
Lastly, I never want to discourage anyone from commenting or emailing me about such things. I have often found myself thinking about such things differently or at least trying to think about it objectively. I do appreciate the time and thought that some of these emails and comments entail. Please feel free to comment or to help me see things from a different perspective. I am always open to new ideas or new ways of thinking.
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