I was talking to Crystal tonight on the phone. She is the same person who writes The Thoughts and Opinions of a Formerly Homeless Girl. We talked a little bit about how what you see and read about us on a blog or journal is one dimensional. You only get to read what we share with you. Believe me, there are many things going on behind the scenes that are either too mundane to talk about or too personal to share and I choose not to write about them. Our lives are definitely three dimensional and our blogs and journals are sometimes one dimensional.
I also write a ton of shit that I never publish or take down within minutes after publishing. I call it diarrhea of the keyboard. I read something or something happens. It sparks an emotion or comment and off I go to write. I then think carefully of the ramifications about posting such things and read over my posts and many times I take them down. I realize I actively censor myself on a constant basis. Some of you who visit often have caught me doing this many times.
There is also this compulsive need for me to hit the publish button in blogger. It is almost a release and I feel that I have given away or shared something of myself. Sometimes it brings anxiety as I go back to read what I have published and it comes across as too harsh or too judgmental. You will find me quickly backpedaling and hitting the draft button to remove it. Maybe it would be an interesting experiment for me to share these posts and see the reaction. Are my fears unfounded or are they real?
I will share a post I wrote today but I then choose to censor myself after publishing it. People read when I vent on certain subjects and think I am obsessing over something too much. Believe me, it is a spur of the moment thing. I feel the urge to write and vent and do so. I do not spend my whole day worrying about what the homeless guy is doing. I probably hit his blog maybe once a day now but it often spurs me to write and spurs an opinion. I feel I have the moral and ethical obligation to write about such things being a formerly homeless man and I want good things to come from homeless blogs. I hope that what I write about will influence a few people who are interested in this issue. At least, they will get to see a dissenting view; the view from a man who was also homeless.
Well, here is that post in its entirety. If I published everything I write then I would have tons of content.
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