I have watched her build this nest for over two months. She started with the first warm days of spring. She works diligently and never tires. Soon she will have a brood to take care of.
I noticed today that the first cell was capped and had an egg within. Her first child is taking shape. A progeny is born.
She doesn’t bother me and I don’t bother her. I let her live her life and she let’s me live mine. I stand at the door all the time to smoke as I do not smoke inside and she has become accustomed to me. We tolerate each other.
I thought for awhile she wouldn’t make it. The nest was coming slowly and the cells were only half done. She has prevailed though and we will soon see her children coming and going. I hope they tolerate me and don’t sting. I will let them be as long as they do the same. When I smoke my pipe or cigarettes, my head is just a few inches from the nest.
This reminds me of how precarious life can be but when it prevails it is wonderful to watch. Wonderful indeed.
Friday, April 30, 2004
As James Brown says, “I Feel Good!!!!”……….
Lately, James Brown is even saying he smells good! James is an interesting fellow.
I have had a good day today. I feel calm and collected and full of thought.
You ever have one of those days were you think to yourself, “self, things are going too good and the shit is about to hit the fan. What lurks around the corner I wonder?”
I had that feeling today.
My hospital tour of duty sucked today but that was just a minor inconvenience. One tip, don’t go get an MRI scan done if you are claustrophobic. It would cause you great mental distress. It was also loud as hell and you know the worse part?...........On the headsets they gave to listen to and block the noise they were playing an album from one of those boy bands like “backstreet boys’ or one of those. I don’t know which one but it was a terrible disservice to my ears.
I tend to be talkative to strangers in the waiting rooms. I used to would have never done this. Maybe it’s just me or my medicine is helping me.
“What are you here for?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Oh wow, that has to suck. I wouldn’t want that to happen to me.”
I was just a regular little chatter box today and I have noticed in a stuffy waiting room this can put ill at ease people, at ease. You are all there for something not so fun and it helps to pass the time to talk about it.
Well, I will sign off for a bit. I need to go work on my article for Bits & Bytes and will do so now. Those blog used to be a chore but I find it a labor of love now and think all day of interesting articles to post. I enjoy exploring my knowledge of computers.
I have had a good day today. I feel calm and collected and full of thought.
You ever have one of those days were you think to yourself, “self, things are going too good and the shit is about to hit the fan. What lurks around the corner I wonder?”
I had that feeling today.
My hospital tour of duty sucked today but that was just a minor inconvenience. One tip, don’t go get an MRI scan done if you are claustrophobic. It would cause you great mental distress. It was also loud as hell and you know the worse part?...........On the headsets they gave to listen to and block the noise they were playing an album from one of those boy bands like “backstreet boys’ or one of those. I don’t know which one but it was a terrible disservice to my ears.
I tend to be talkative to strangers in the waiting rooms. I used to would have never done this. Maybe it’s just me or my medicine is helping me.
“What are you here for?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Oh wow, that has to suck. I wouldn’t want that to happen to me.”
I was just a regular little chatter box today and I have noticed in a stuffy waiting room this can put ill at ease people, at ease. You are all there for something not so fun and it helps to pass the time to talk about it.
Well, I will sign off for a bit. I need to go work on my article for Bits & Bytes and will do so now. Those blog used to be a chore but I find it a labor of love now and think all day of interesting articles to post. I enjoy exploring my knowledge of computers.
The appointment guy says good morning…….
The appointments never end but I guess that is what it takes for me to get better. I have an MRI on my left shoulder today. Physical therapy is just not progressing and my shoulder hurts all the time. Dr. Martin thinks I may have soft tissue damage and a torn rotator cuff. This does not bode well and surgery is most likely. I am scared of this as I have never had surgery before. I am afraid of the pain and the recovery but I have to do it in order to regain full use of my left arm.
I also have to have blood work done and Dr. Kamath wants this in order to determine certain things. He thinks I may need to go on glucophage to regulate my blood sugar. He thinks that my medicines for my schizophrenia might be causing this and my recent weight gain despite dieting so hard. I cannot eat until after the test and I am starving. I want a rock Hampton rib eye, potato, and a salad with lots of blue cheese dressing after the procedure. (Pipe dream, a turkey sandwich is a more likely meal, a steak would be the luxury of luxuries for me but I love them)
I am on lots of pain medications and they make me sick at my stomach. I believe it is called lortab and it makes me so nauseous and they also affect my mental illness. The first hour after taking a pill can cause me to see some “ghosting”. I have always had a bad reaction to pain killers and do not like to take them but the pain of my shoulder overrides this. If I ever have a funky post lately you can say to yourself, “yeap, good ole Jonathon has just taken his pain meds and is feeling good and bad at the same time.”
Well, I need to hit the shower and put on some clothes and get ready. I have a long, boring morning ahead of me and I do not envy myself of this. Good morning again and good bye.
I also have to have blood work done and Dr. Kamath wants this in order to determine certain things. He thinks I may need to go on glucophage to regulate my blood sugar. He thinks that my medicines for my schizophrenia might be causing this and my recent weight gain despite dieting so hard. I cannot eat until after the test and I am starving. I want a rock Hampton rib eye, potato, and a salad with lots of blue cheese dressing after the procedure. (Pipe dream, a turkey sandwich is a more likely meal, a steak would be the luxury of luxuries for me but I love them)
I am on lots of pain medications and they make me sick at my stomach. I believe it is called lortab and it makes me so nauseous and they also affect my mental illness. The first hour after taking a pill can cause me to see some “ghosting”. I have always had a bad reaction to pain killers and do not like to take them but the pain of my shoulder overrides this. If I ever have a funky post lately you can say to yourself, “yeap, good ole Jonathon has just taken his pain meds and is feeling good and bad at the same time.”
Well, I need to hit the shower and put on some clothes and get ready. I have a long, boring morning ahead of me and I do not envy myself of this. Good morning again and good bye.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Yawning as I write this……..
I am tired this morning but I am up with the crows. My friend, Alaine, stayed over till almost midnight and we talked and talked. It is so nice to have someone “real” to spend time with and to talk to.
I have to go to the bone specialist this morning at 10 AM. I have said it once and I will say it again. I am SOOOO TIRED OF APPOINTMENTS!!!! I guess instead of the grumpy “old” man you can now call me the “appointment guy”. I think I will change the name of my blog for a day just as a joke.
The appointment guy is signing off until later……..
I have to go to the bone specialist this morning at 10 AM. I have said it once and I will say it again. I am SOOOO TIRED OF APPOINTMENTS!!!! I guess instead of the grumpy “old” man you can now call me the “appointment guy”. I think I will change the name of my blog for a day just as a joke.
The appointment guy is signing off until later……..
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Linda’s Macaroni and Cheese…….
Linda gave me her secret recipe and I wanted to share it. Her macaroni and cheese is delicious but, oh, so, fattening.
She cooked the noodles and then drained them. She put them in a casserole dish and covered them with one can of Campbell’s cheddar cheese soup. She added one cup of sweet milk and then mixed in a bag of Kraft sharp shredded cheddar cheese. She then cooked it until it became think and bubbly and the sauce had reduced. She turned on the broiler for a few seconds to give the top a slightly browned look.
This is a super easy recipe and soooo delicious. Take it from a food obsessed guy that this tastes great and is so easy to fix. I just wanted to share this. I just shouldn’t be eating it.
She cooked the noodles and then drained them. She put them in a casserole dish and covered them with one can of Campbell’s cheddar cheese soup. She added one cup of sweet milk and then mixed in a bag of Kraft sharp shredded cheddar cheese. She then cooked it until it became think and bubbly and the sauce had reduced. She turned on the broiler for a few seconds to give the top a slightly browned look.
This is a super easy recipe and soooo delicious. Take it from a food obsessed guy that this tastes great and is so easy to fix. I just wanted to share this. I just shouldn’t be eating it.
The Hospital Blues…….
I spent most of the day at the hospital today. I sat in the hospital room with my grandmother and then she had to go get a cauterization done on her heart. I waited until the results came back with my mother, father, Brenda (the lady who stays with her during the day and cooks and cleans), and my aunt. We waited for hours.
Her heart muscle is fine. She has some blockage in a few minor blood vessels around the heart that is causing her discomfort. They are going to do a procedure Monday where they put in some splints and open those collapsed blood vessels. This will ease her discomfort and what she thinks are heart attacks.
Modern medicine is amazing though. I was fascinated when the doctor came and got us and brought us into the room were the procedure had taken place. He had a video of my grandmother’s heart beating and you could see the barium solution fill her heart and then spread out to illuminate her veins around it. I was spellbound as I watched the video. We are truly blessed in modern nations to have these kinds of technologies.
I had plenty of time to think as I waited and I thought long and hard about some things. I thought about me and what lead up to my homelessness. It is so easy to blame it on other things such as my schizophrenia or social phobias but in the end it was my fault. I was at blame. I didn’t make the right decisions and choices and it hit me hard affront in the face.
I was a selfish and self-centered person. I would not do the hard things or make the sacrifices to be there for my family when they needed me. I would not take the responsibility. I was too interested in getting to the bottom of a twelve pack of beer to care. This slowly eroded my families trust and the relationship I had with them. They thought I didn’t care or didn’t have the capacity to do so.
It is so easy to blame my problems on my illnesses but in the end it was just me. I have to do the hard things that most of us do to help out. I have to be there when a family member is in need. I have to make the effort to email and call and just listen. I have to show my family that I do care about them and love them and I will do what it takes to get better and be responsible. If I would have done all these things before hand then I would have never been homeless. My family would have not allowed it as they will not now.
Hindsight is always 20/20 but the lessons you learn can be of such benefit. I vow to continue to improve my life and help others in need. I will never again let my loved ones down because I am too selfish to see the forest for the trees. I do have a mental illness but that is no excuse to not help my folks and be apart of their lives. I can take my medicine and be able to see about them or I could not take it, drink excessively, and live in the woods. The decision is simple
Her heart muscle is fine. She has some blockage in a few minor blood vessels around the heart that is causing her discomfort. They are going to do a procedure Monday where they put in some splints and open those collapsed blood vessels. This will ease her discomfort and what she thinks are heart attacks.
Modern medicine is amazing though. I was fascinated when the doctor came and got us and brought us into the room were the procedure had taken place. He had a video of my grandmother’s heart beating and you could see the barium solution fill her heart and then spread out to illuminate her veins around it. I was spellbound as I watched the video. We are truly blessed in modern nations to have these kinds of technologies.
I had plenty of time to think as I waited and I thought long and hard about some things. I thought about me and what lead up to my homelessness. It is so easy to blame it on other things such as my schizophrenia or social phobias but in the end it was my fault. I was at blame. I didn’t make the right decisions and choices and it hit me hard affront in the face.
I was a selfish and self-centered person. I would not do the hard things or make the sacrifices to be there for my family when they needed me. I would not take the responsibility. I was too interested in getting to the bottom of a twelve pack of beer to care. This slowly eroded my families trust and the relationship I had with them. They thought I didn’t care or didn’t have the capacity to do so.
It is so easy to blame my problems on my illnesses but in the end it was just me. I have to do the hard things that most of us do to help out. I have to be there when a family member is in need. I have to make the effort to email and call and just listen. I have to show my family that I do care about them and love them and I will do what it takes to get better and be responsible. If I would have done all these things before hand then I would have never been homeless. My family would have not allowed it as they will not now.
Hindsight is always 20/20 but the lessons you learn can be of such benefit. I vow to continue to improve my life and help others in need. I will never again let my loved ones down because I am too selfish to see the forest for the trees. I do have a mental illness but that is no excuse to not help my folks and be apart of their lives. I can take my medicine and be able to see about them or I could not take it, drink excessively, and live in the woods. The decision is simple
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Cooking with Linda……..
I spent much of the morning at the hospital. After physical therapy, I went up to see my Mom’s mother who was in the same hospital. She thought she was having a heart attack early this morning but it turned out to either her being scared or just heartburn. I love her but we have never really had a close relationship. She was always stern and critical to me as a child and I would avoid going to see her. She always scolded me about my weight as a child and I resented it for years. Now that I am an adult I try to overlook those past memories and do my best to help her.
As I was sitting in the hospital room, I realized how frail she has become. She is well up into her eighties. Despite her condition, she still took the effort to correct my English especially when I used contractions. This amused me and I thought to myself that some things never change.
One thing though, in all my 32 years on this earth I have never seen her cry or show great emotion. She cried today on the hospital bed in that she felt helpless and the tests they were giving her caused her pain. My heart melted and I realized I do love her but she could be such a shit to us all as I was growing up. I hated to see her cry and I knew then she was in bad shape. I held her hand and told her I loved her. I didn’t know what else to do. I just sat there and listened.
Being part of a family is so much responsibility and I can see why some homeless people who can’t handle this pain and discomfort cut themselves off from it. They leave and travel to an unknown place and restart their lives. They are missing much though. They are missing those times when that relative you almost hate opens up and you feel love for them. We are all human and have faults. Life is so complicated especially when it comes to family situations. It is some times easier to avoid them but you also miss some wonderful, beautiful moments as well. I love my Me maw despite some of the things she has done to me over the years. I do not want her to hurt or suffer. I want her to be okay.
Linda is an older black lady who cooks and cleans for my parents several times a week. I like Linda and enjoy our conversations. She is very matter of fact and forward and will not hesitate to ask me questions. I admire that in someone sometimes and like it when someone will not tip toe around you and be forward.
After getting back from the hospital, I was sitting in the kitchen of my parent’s house while Linda was making some supper. She was frying cubed steak, boiling a pot of butter beans, and making a casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. She also had a pan of cornbread ready to hit the oven.
She had also made some tuna fish salad and we sat in the kitchen after she had got the meal going well. We sat there together at the kitchen table and ate a sandwich and had a glass of sweet tea and just talked and laughed. She was trying to get information out of me about my ex-wife and my new friend. I told her what I could and she offered advice and I appreciated it. She is a wonderful cook and a good listener as well. I did tell her that tuna fish sandwich was one of the best ones I have ever eaten and she really perked up and enjoyed the comment. It was, in fact, the best tuna sandwich I have ever consumed.
Well, I will close for the night. Nova on PBS is coming on soon and it is one of the few programs that I will make the effort to watch. Good night and I hope this has found you all in good spirits and that your day went well.
As I was sitting in the hospital room, I realized how frail she has become. She is well up into her eighties. Despite her condition, she still took the effort to correct my English especially when I used contractions. This amused me and I thought to myself that some things never change.
One thing though, in all my 32 years on this earth I have never seen her cry or show great emotion. She cried today on the hospital bed in that she felt helpless and the tests they were giving her caused her pain. My heart melted and I realized I do love her but she could be such a shit to us all as I was growing up. I hated to see her cry and I knew then she was in bad shape. I held her hand and told her I loved her. I didn’t know what else to do. I just sat there and listened.
Being part of a family is so much responsibility and I can see why some homeless people who can’t handle this pain and discomfort cut themselves off from it. They leave and travel to an unknown place and restart their lives. They are missing much though. They are missing those times when that relative you almost hate opens up and you feel love for them. We are all human and have faults. Life is so complicated especially when it comes to family situations. It is some times easier to avoid them but you also miss some wonderful, beautiful moments as well. I love my Me maw despite some of the things she has done to me over the years. I do not want her to hurt or suffer. I want her to be okay.
Linda is an older black lady who cooks and cleans for my parents several times a week. I like Linda and enjoy our conversations. She is very matter of fact and forward and will not hesitate to ask me questions. I admire that in someone sometimes and like it when someone will not tip toe around you and be forward.
After getting back from the hospital, I was sitting in the kitchen of my parent’s house while Linda was making some supper. She was frying cubed steak, boiling a pot of butter beans, and making a casserole dish of macaroni and cheese. She also had a pan of cornbread ready to hit the oven.
She had also made some tuna fish salad and we sat in the kitchen after she had got the meal going well. We sat there together at the kitchen table and ate a sandwich and had a glass of sweet tea and just talked and laughed. She was trying to get information out of me about my ex-wife and my new friend. I told her what I could and she offered advice and I appreciated it. She is a wonderful cook and a good listener as well. I did tell her that tuna fish sandwich was one of the best ones I have ever eaten and she really perked up and enjoyed the comment. It was, in fact, the best tuna sandwich I have ever consumed.
Well, I will close for the night. Nova on PBS is coming on soon and it is one of the few programs that I will make the effort to watch. Good night and I hope this has found you all in good spirits and that your day went well.
Monday, April 26, 2004
That darn coelacanth…….
I am having a good night tonight. We had a good rain today that we needed badly and that always puts me in good spirits. I have all the windows open and a breeze is blowing through with the smell of rain in the air.
I am bored though and have spent hours reading various websites and blogs tonight. I just didn’t feel like gaming tonight and I have nothing else to do. I turned on the television for a second and as always there was only garbage to watch and turned it off.
I fixed a pot of hot tea and I am sipping on it as I write. I also got off my diet and am eating a mayonnaise sandwich. Yes, just two slices of bread with lots of mayonnaise. I know most people would find that gross but I love them. I had the munchies.
My father called me a few hours ago and the conversation went as follows…..
“Hey, what is a coelacanth?” he asked.
“Coelacanth?” I replied.
‘Yeah, coelacanth, do you know what it is?” he asked.
“Sure, it is a primitive fish that was presumed extinct and then found off the coast of Madagascar, ironically, in a market for fish to sell for consumption. It has been found in the fossil record for millions of years.” I replied.
He laughed with glee and went on about how much a bunch of nerds we all are. He had called my brother and asked the same question and he knew what it was as well. He had watched a show on television about it and was interested in it. He loved that me and my brother both knew what it was and laughed heartily and carried on much about it.
“How did you know that?” he asked.
“I think I read it in National Geographic some time ago and have read a lot about it since then.” I responded.
Only my father, the nerd, would take great pleasure out of such a conversation. I felt proud though that I knew what it was and could join in on the discussion.
Well, it is well past my bedtime and I guess I need to amble towards that way. I am just not sleepy and all the tea I have drank tonight does not help. I think I will find something interesting on the radio and just lay in the bed for awhile listening to sounds of things that go bump in the night. Namely, horny crickets! *laughs* Good night!
I am bored though and have spent hours reading various websites and blogs tonight. I just didn’t feel like gaming tonight and I have nothing else to do. I turned on the television for a second and as always there was only garbage to watch and turned it off.
I fixed a pot of hot tea and I am sipping on it as I write. I also got off my diet and am eating a mayonnaise sandwich. Yes, just two slices of bread with lots of mayonnaise. I know most people would find that gross but I love them. I had the munchies.
My father called me a few hours ago and the conversation went as follows…..
“Hey, what is a coelacanth?” he asked.
“Coelacanth?” I replied.
‘Yeah, coelacanth, do you know what it is?” he asked.
“Sure, it is a primitive fish that was presumed extinct and then found off the coast of Madagascar, ironically, in a market for fish to sell for consumption. It has been found in the fossil record for millions of years.” I replied.
He laughed with glee and went on about how much a bunch of nerds we all are. He had called my brother and asked the same question and he knew what it was as well. He had watched a show on television about it and was interested in it. He loved that me and my brother both knew what it was and laughed heartily and carried on much about it.
“How did you know that?” he asked.
“I think I read it in National Geographic some time ago and have read a lot about it since then.” I responded.
Only my father, the nerd, would take great pleasure out of such a conversation. I felt proud though that I knew what it was and could join in on the discussion.
Well, it is well past my bedtime and I guess I need to amble towards that way. I am just not sleepy and all the tea I have drank tonight does not help. I think I will find something interesting on the radio and just lay in the bed for awhile listening to sounds of things that go bump in the night. Namely, horny crickets! *laughs* Good night!
Going to the dentist is like falling into the fiery pits of hell……
I had a dentist’s appointment today. It lasted from 8 AM this morning to after 12 o’clock. I dread the dentist more than anything in the world. I would rather be on the front lines of combat in a war than go to the dentist. It is just a phobia I have. I have a resistance to the numbing agents they use and despite all the shots and the nitrous oxide I still feel sensitivity and pain. My family dentist is a great guy though and helps put me at ease. If I have to go, I go to Dr. Jason Etherton. He knows all about my condition and is genuinely concerned and sympathetic and tries his best to put me at ease and make me comfortable.
I have had bad teeth for awhile now. In my times of great illness, I would not take care of my physical needs and now that I am trying to put back together the broken pieces of my former life, this is one of my goals. Just like I have to face my social phobias to get better, this is another phobia I have to tackle head on as well.
I got all the molars on my bottom left side fixed and filled today. It was painful but I made it through. Next week, I will get a fragmented tooth pulled and a bridge put in and will have a beautiful smile again. It makes me proud and will help me in social situations. I will be able to smile instead of grin in photos again for the first time in a long time.
It is expensive though. I have a deal with my father that he will front me the money which will be almost $2000 dollars in all before it is said and done. I will pay him back out of the large back payment check I am due from social security. I know I have talked badly of him in the past but he has done so much to help me lately and I love him for it.
I and my ex-wife both called the past few days and they say the check is at the payment center still. I told her it had been since last September of 2003 and she laughed and said it takes a long time. This is frustrating. My father says he and I are going to hire a lawyer soon and get things on the ball. If I owed the government taxes then they would expect it within days. This is the way the boat floats when it comes to dealing with social security though and I have come to expect it.
I have started to look for another job now. I feel well enough were I think I can go back to work on the ticket to work program that social security has. My father tried to talk me out of it today when I was at his drug store. He and my mother both worry they will use it as an excuse to take away my benefits. I want to work though. I want to save that extra money for future bills. None of that money will be spent. I will never be homeless again and will always plan ahead in cause I get ill again. I get tired of sitting here at the house with little structure in my life and working helps my self esteem and helps give me a “purpose”.
I think I will apply at the local grocery store down the street and see if they need a stock person or grocery bagger. I think I can handle that without making my arm too sore. I know I will not be able to push those many hundred pound groups of shopping carts at Wal-Mart like I did before though. I would be afraid to break my fracture again.
My ex-wife’s presentation of her thesis is this afternoon at 4 PM and I wish her the best. I have a vested interest in that I put a lot of hard work in it as well. I want her out of college and working full time so that she will be financially independent. I know I talk badly of her as well but I still do love her. I guess I am like that wife who will not let go of her abusive husband. Love can be so grand and so hard at the same time.
I have had bad teeth for awhile now. In my times of great illness, I would not take care of my physical needs and now that I am trying to put back together the broken pieces of my former life, this is one of my goals. Just like I have to face my social phobias to get better, this is another phobia I have to tackle head on as well.
I got all the molars on my bottom left side fixed and filled today. It was painful but I made it through. Next week, I will get a fragmented tooth pulled and a bridge put in and will have a beautiful smile again. It makes me proud and will help me in social situations. I will be able to smile instead of grin in photos again for the first time in a long time.
It is expensive though. I have a deal with my father that he will front me the money which will be almost $2000 dollars in all before it is said and done. I will pay him back out of the large back payment check I am due from social security. I know I have talked badly of him in the past but he has done so much to help me lately and I love him for it.
I and my ex-wife both called the past few days and they say the check is at the payment center still. I told her it had been since last September of 2003 and she laughed and said it takes a long time. This is frustrating. My father says he and I are going to hire a lawyer soon and get things on the ball. If I owed the government taxes then they would expect it within days. This is the way the boat floats when it comes to dealing with social security though and I have come to expect it.
I have started to look for another job now. I feel well enough were I think I can go back to work on the ticket to work program that social security has. My father tried to talk me out of it today when I was at his drug store. He and my mother both worry they will use it as an excuse to take away my benefits. I want to work though. I want to save that extra money for future bills. None of that money will be spent. I will never be homeless again and will always plan ahead in cause I get ill again. I get tired of sitting here at the house with little structure in my life and working helps my self esteem and helps give me a “purpose”.
I think I will apply at the local grocery store down the street and see if they need a stock person or grocery bagger. I think I can handle that without making my arm too sore. I know I will not be able to push those many hundred pound groups of shopping carts at Wal-Mart like I did before though. I would be afraid to break my fracture again.
My ex-wife’s presentation of her thesis is this afternoon at 4 PM and I wish her the best. I have a vested interest in that I put a lot of hard work in it as well. I want her out of college and working full time so that she will be financially independent. I know I talk badly of her as well but I still do love her. I guess I am like that wife who will not let go of her abusive husband. Love can be so grand and so hard at the same time.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Caught in a check out line…….
I walked down to the Piggly Wiggly this afternoon to buy some eggs and buttermilk. I also wanted some lemon juice to make some lemonade. As I was standing in the check out line, just about to fork over my money, the cash register froze up. The girl looked at me as though she didn’t know what to do. The drawer was open but the screen had gone blank. She couldn’t figure out how much change to give me. I said, “53 cents, please” And she didn’t trust me to be exact. I told her the total and she agreed. I told her I had given her a 5 and 1 dollar bill. So that made 53 cents in change back. I knew then that this would get complicated and the line grew behind me. The longer the line, the more flustered the girl got. At first I was aggravated then that feeling turned to just feeling sorry for her.
The manager came over and they had a conference in front of me. He stared passively at the screen looking perplexed. “How about reboot it?” I asked. He then turned in off and then back on and it started up normally and at the screen it was on when it locked up. Bill Gates strikes again. I am sure it was running some rendition of WindowsNT or 2000.
If we didn’t have electricity tomorrow, I am sad to say the world would be crippled. The store clerks cannot make change in their heads. The gas pumps would not run. The masses would scream in horror as they could not catch the latest episode of survivor. I would be at a loss without me computer as well. Electricity goes on in the background often not noticed. Today, made me realize how much I and the world are dependent upon it. It made me feel kind of scared too. We are all one blackout away to having to drastically change out lives.
The manager came over and they had a conference in front of me. He stared passively at the screen looking perplexed. “How about reboot it?” I asked. He then turned in off and then back on and it started up normally and at the screen it was on when it locked up. Bill Gates strikes again. I am sure it was running some rendition of WindowsNT or 2000.
If we didn’t have electricity tomorrow, I am sad to say the world would be crippled. The store clerks cannot make change in their heads. The gas pumps would not run. The masses would scream in horror as they could not catch the latest episode of survivor. I would be at a loss without me computer as well. Electricity goes on in the background often not noticed. Today, made me realize how much I and the world are dependent upon it. It made me feel kind of scared too. We are all one blackout away to having to drastically change out lives.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
A place to rest my head........
Well, it is set up and ready to go. I am going to wile away the afternoon and be lazy and nonproductive. I am going to lay there and listen to my radio and get comfortably numb. If you ever wondered what my home looked like when I was homeless then here it is. I spent many a night in this tent through mild weather and some of the harshest weather imaginable. It is like an old friend who took care of me in a time of need. I am going now to lay down with a good graphic novel, my pipe, my radio, and my flask of sweet and harsh southern comfort. Good bye harsh world, at least for this afternoon.
Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch!!!!!!
My little trip is off. I do not have a ride. My ex-wife, who was to be my courier called and said she has to work today. They had someone call in. I told her it was on the way but she said she couldn’t afford to take the extra 20 minutes to drop me off in bum fuck Egypt. She had to get in right away as there was no one working in the children’s library and she had to man the desk.
I thought to myself that I worked for three fucking hours last night to help her with her presentation Monday of her thesis and you can’t take twenty minutes to drop me off just a few miles from the direction you will be going? I understand thought and the more hours she gets the less likely she will come to me to help with bills. It is just frustrating.
I did have a light bulb go off. I walked over to my parent’s house and let myself in. I walked to my mom’s bedroom (she sleeps 24/7 when she doesn’t have an appointment for her or me). The conversation went as follows……..
“Hey mom, can you give me a ride?” I asked.
“mmmgffpphghfff” she replied.
“Mom? You with us?” I asked again.
“mmmmphhhhhpfffp” she mumbled again.
I don’t know what the hell she was saying but I knew then and there I didn’t want her to drive me to Cusseta. She must have got a little over indulgent with her zanax. She was down for the count and I was out of a ride. I will be so glad when I can drive again and I get my tracker fixed and running. I am going to drive from Alabama to California and back laughing maniacally at my new found freedom!
You know what I am going to do? I am going to pitch my tent in the back yard, roll out my sleeping bag, put on the radio and headset, and drink my pint of southern comfort. I am going to take a long nap in inebriated bliss. Touché!!! World!!!
I thought to myself that I worked for three fucking hours last night to help her with her presentation Monday of her thesis and you can’t take twenty minutes to drop me off just a few miles from the direction you will be going? I understand thought and the more hours she gets the less likely she will come to me to help with bills. It is just frustrating.
I did have a light bulb go off. I walked over to my parent’s house and let myself in. I walked to my mom’s bedroom (she sleeps 24/7 when she doesn’t have an appointment for her or me). The conversation went as follows……..
“Hey mom, can you give me a ride?” I asked.
“mmmgffpphghfff” she replied.
“Mom? You with us?” I asked again.
“mmmmphhhhhpfffp” she mumbled again.
I don’t know what the hell she was saying but I knew then and there I didn’t want her to drive me to Cusseta. She must have got a little over indulgent with her zanax. She was down for the count and I was out of a ride. I will be so glad when I can drive again and I get my tracker fixed and running. I am going to drive from Alabama to California and back laughing maniacally at my new found freedom!
You know what I am going to do? I am going to pitch my tent in the back yard, roll out my sleeping bag, put on the radio and headset, and drink my pint of southern comfort. I am going to take a long nap in inebriated bliss. Touché!!! World!!!
Final preparations and light-weight vs. comfortable......
Well, I am sitting here all ready to go waiting on my ride. I have to get a ride to a location were the rail line crosscuts a country road. We are talking extremely rural here folks. I will be out in the middle of absolute nowhere for two days and two nights. I did get the chance to swing by Wally world last night and get a refill minutes card for my cell phone so will have that for an emergency. My father’s best friend will pick me up Monday afternoon as he comes right through the area after heading home from work in Dadeville Alabama.
The last weigh in of my pack is 53 pounds. This would make some long time hiking purists scream in horror at this weight. There is this huge shift to light weight hiking in the hiking world now days as technology has advanced. I just cannot afford a $200 titanium stove or an $80 set of titanium cooking gear and utensils. Nor can I afford that $400 dollar super light weight down sleeping bag that folds up to the size of your balled fist.
There is a direct trade off between going light weight and being comfortable unless you are ultra wealthy. I would rather work harder in the day and be more comfortable at night. Sure, I could sleep under an open tarp at night and save 10 pounds but I like my tent and the protection and comfort it provides. I don’t want to wake up to a nosey armadillo sniffing my face in the wee hours of the morning. That and I want a place to put all my gear in case we do get any rain even though it is not forecasted.
Just a few more minutes of waiting and off I go. I am almost giddy with excitement. May your entire trails end in adventure and good tales. I will keep a journal and then let you hear the details when I arrive home. Till then……..A bientôt mon ami
The last weigh in of my pack is 53 pounds. This would make some long time hiking purists scream in horror at this weight. There is this huge shift to light weight hiking in the hiking world now days as technology has advanced. I just cannot afford a $200 titanium stove or an $80 set of titanium cooking gear and utensils. Nor can I afford that $400 dollar super light weight down sleeping bag that folds up to the size of your balled fist.
There is a direct trade off between going light weight and being comfortable unless you are ultra wealthy. I would rather work harder in the day and be more comfortable at night. Sure, I could sleep under an open tarp at night and save 10 pounds but I like my tent and the protection and comfort it provides. I don’t want to wake up to a nosey armadillo sniffing my face in the wee hours of the morning. That and I want a place to put all my gear in case we do get any rain even though it is not forecasted.
Just a few more minutes of waiting and off I go. I am almost giddy with excitement. May your entire trails end in adventure and good tales. I will keep a journal and then let you hear the details when I arrive home. Till then……..A bientôt mon ami
Friday, April 23, 2004
A pitiful consumer cries to be let out.......
I never spend any money anymore. The last thing I purchased in a store was the game Battlefield Vietnam and that has been over a month ago. I pay for the utilities here (which are darn expensive even though I never use them, I can't figure this out :-() and I buy groceries and pay for my medical bills. That's it.
I have a hankering for a certain weatherproof Sony radio from Wal-Mart and it is burning a hole in my wallet. It is only just a little over $20 dollars so it will not break the bank. Should I get it or should I save the money? I have a real conundrum this afternoon but I want it so badly. I am obsessing about it. The thought of tearing into that shiny new packet full of an electronic gadget brings the geek in me out. I love electronics.
My other radio is not weatherproof and I would like to have a weather proof radio for my trip this weekend. Yes, my big trip is finally here. I am hiking the 20 odd miles from Cusseta Alabama to Lafayette Alabama via an old abandoned railway line. I am very excited and have been packing and going through all the gear I want to take. When I last weighed my pack it was at 43 pounds. I have all my fishing gear packed in with my rod strapped to the side of the pack. I hope to hit a good creek along the way and see if I can catch some supper that day.
I also walked down to the liquor store and bought a little pint of southern comfort to fill my little aluminum flask. That will be a treat for me as I sit next to the fire, smoke my cigarettes and pipe, and listen to the radio. I can't wait to sit there surrounded by the aroma of a hardwood fire, inhaling the pungent smoke from my pipe and the feel of that bitingly warm liquid as it slides down my throat and warms me on a chilly evening. Don't worry; I am not hard liquor man and usually only beer is what gets me in trouble. Liquor is just an occasional treat and a pint will do no harm.
I have to help my darling ex-wife with her thesis tonight. We are almost done. I have to finish that fifteen minute power point presentation so I better get online and find what pictures of Carson McCullers that I can to give me some material to work with. Well, let me finish packing and get a CD burned of that material for transport this evening. Wish me luck and I will post again on Monday. Have a great weekend all.
I have a hankering for a certain weatherproof Sony radio from Wal-Mart and it is burning a hole in my wallet. It is only just a little over $20 dollars so it will not break the bank. Should I get it or should I save the money? I have a real conundrum this afternoon but I want it so badly. I am obsessing about it. The thought of tearing into that shiny new packet full of an electronic gadget brings the geek in me out. I love electronics.
My other radio is not weatherproof and I would like to have a weather proof radio for my trip this weekend. Yes, my big trip is finally here. I am hiking the 20 odd miles from Cusseta Alabama to Lafayette Alabama via an old abandoned railway line. I am very excited and have been packing and going through all the gear I want to take. When I last weighed my pack it was at 43 pounds. I have all my fishing gear packed in with my rod strapped to the side of the pack. I hope to hit a good creek along the way and see if I can catch some supper that day.
I also walked down to the liquor store and bought a little pint of southern comfort to fill my little aluminum flask. That will be a treat for me as I sit next to the fire, smoke my cigarettes and pipe, and listen to the radio. I can't wait to sit there surrounded by the aroma of a hardwood fire, inhaling the pungent smoke from my pipe and the feel of that bitingly warm liquid as it slides down my throat and warms me on a chilly evening. Don't worry; I am not hard liquor man and usually only beer is what gets me in trouble. Liquor is just an occasional treat and a pint will do no harm.
I have to help my darling ex-wife with her thesis tonight. We are almost done. I have to finish that fifteen minute power point presentation so I better get online and find what pictures of Carson McCullers that I can to give me some material to work with. Well, let me finish packing and get a CD burned of that material for transport this evening. Wish me luck and I will post again on Monday. Have a great weekend all.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Oh, such sweet cinnamon buns......
My friend I met online stopped by tonight after work. She brought a ziplock bag of homemade cinnamon buns she had made for me this morning. She is such a sweetheart and they are delicious. I am so tempted to eat them all and this threw my diet in arrears. I have just had a few so not too much damage was done. They call me though. "Come and eat us, we are for you!!!!! You cannot resist us!!!! Become one with the sugar and cinnamon!" LOL, that’s about how I feel about them. They are calling me but.....I.......must.......resist.........argggg!!!! Munch, munch! :^)
She stayed a long time and we talked about anything and everything. I cherish the contact we have. The feel of her soft hand in my hand is wonderful. The way her skin feels against mine. The warmth of her body and the smell of her perfume as we give a long hug makes my heart rate increase. I haven't felt this way in a long time. We both were lonely and reached out and found each other. I don't know if I am in love but I think of her longingly often during the day. I want her here all the time and to spend all day with me. I know I must go slowly and I have to watch my advances and take those baby steps. Why do relationships have to be so complicated? He he, they always are though and that is just life.
I called Godzilla and was nice but firm. As with all bullies, she backed down and apologized and even called my mother to apologize as well. I told her that if she wanted to be an asshole then I could easily one up her. I could get back all that money I have given her daughter by just a simple email or phone call. I will always see about Rachel in my own way but you don’t call my mom and make threats. I have nothing to lose and that can sometimes make me a dangerous man when you want to play ugly. She is a bully and all bullies back down when someone stands up to them. I learned this hard lesson from grade school and it has served me well.
I guess I cannot go without giving my menu for the night. I am lazy today and some homemade chili is cooking on the stove. I browned some ground chuck and added two cans of tomato sauce and diced tomatoes and a packet of chili seasoning. The smell of it fills my apartment and I am ready to have a bowl with some saltine crackers. I have to get back on my diet and eat with health in mind. I have just been on a comfort food kick and maybe it is just a phase.
Well, I will sign off. Be well and if you are religious then God bless. Grumpy is signing off.
She stayed a long time and we talked about anything and everything. I cherish the contact we have. The feel of her soft hand in my hand is wonderful. The way her skin feels against mine. The warmth of her body and the smell of her perfume as we give a long hug makes my heart rate increase. I haven't felt this way in a long time. We both were lonely and reached out and found each other. I don't know if I am in love but I think of her longingly often during the day. I want her here all the time and to spend all day with me. I know I must go slowly and I have to watch my advances and take those baby steps. Why do relationships have to be so complicated? He he, they always are though and that is just life.
I called Godzilla and was nice but firm. As with all bullies, she backed down and apologized and even called my mother to apologize as well. I told her that if she wanted to be an asshole then I could easily one up her. I could get back all that money I have given her daughter by just a simple email or phone call. I will always see about Rachel in my own way but you don’t call my mom and make threats. I have nothing to lose and that can sometimes make me a dangerous man when you want to play ugly. She is a bully and all bullies back down when someone stands up to them. I learned this hard lesson from grade school and it has served me well.
I guess I cannot go without giving my menu for the night. I am lazy today and some homemade chili is cooking on the stove. I browned some ground chuck and added two cans of tomato sauce and diced tomatoes and a packet of chili seasoning. The smell of it fills my apartment and I am ready to have a bowl with some saltine crackers. I have to get back on my diet and eat with health in mind. I have just been on a comfort food kick and maybe it is just a phase.
Well, I will sign off. Be well and if you are religious then God bless. Grumpy is signing off.
A cheater but doing well at it.......
I slept out in my tent in the back yard last night. Is that not sad? Am I that turned around that I have a perfectly good bed to sleep in but I insist on sleeping outside in a sleeping bag and tent?
I am cheating this morning. I came in around 6 AM and have turned the heat on. It is very chilly outside if you can call 60 degrees that. I am just spoiled. I feel like such a pussy.
Last winter I would get up when the temperature was 25 degrees and get a fire started. I had learned to sleep with my clothes on and my shoes and socks in the sleeping bag with me so they would be warm. Nothing sucked worse than putting on a cold pair of blue jeans or frozen tennis shoes on a very cold morning. I learned that lesson really quick.
I still have no email from Godzilla. My ex-wife has the password to her email account and I am sure she has gone and deleted it since I told her I sent it. I guess I will just have to call on the phone and air my grievances that way. I will not let this rest though. She is an evil, mean spirited person and those people always fold under the truth or when someone speaks up to them. She will hear my piece of mind and then she will scamper away and be quiet. I assure you she will not call my mother again over some petty bullshit and be mean.
I am so hungry this morning and I am going to get breakfast started. I am just going to be simple and fix some toast, bacon, and grits. I am going to splurge and put lots of butter in my grits and enjoy them. I am not in the mood to diet this morning. Well, off I go to get the breakfast started….
I am cheating this morning. I came in around 6 AM and have turned the heat on. It is very chilly outside if you can call 60 degrees that. I am just spoiled. I feel like such a pussy.
Last winter I would get up when the temperature was 25 degrees and get a fire started. I had learned to sleep with my clothes on and my shoes and socks in the sleeping bag with me so they would be warm. Nothing sucked worse than putting on a cold pair of blue jeans or frozen tennis shoes on a very cold morning. I learned that lesson really quick.
I still have no email from Godzilla. My ex-wife has the password to her email account and I am sure she has gone and deleted it since I told her I sent it. I guess I will just have to call on the phone and air my grievances that way. I will not let this rest though. She is an evil, mean spirited person and those people always fold under the truth or when someone speaks up to them. She will hear my piece of mind and then she will scamper away and be quiet. I assure you she will not call my mother again over some petty bullshit and be mean.
I am so hungry this morning and I am going to get breakfast started. I am just going to be simple and fix some toast, bacon, and grits. I am going to splurge and put lots of butter in my grits and enjoy them. I am not in the mood to diet this morning. Well, off I go to get the breakfast started….
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Gauntlets and sword in hand…….
I am crying as I write this. I have had a tough day. My mother called my ex-wife to tell her I could no longer give her the money I give her every month. Little did she know that I quit doing that a month ago. She was just trying to see about me. She worries about my medical bills.
My ex-wife called her hellacious mother and bitched about it. Godzilla, in turn, called my mother and upset her badly last night. Talking a lot of shit and being really rude.
I was livid. I literally put on my gauntlets and have my sword in hand. I wrote a scathing email that would make Mother Teresa blush. I told her for the first time since me and my ex wife first got married what I thought about her and what really happened.
No one talks to my mother that way. I will forego any social anxiety and stick by her side. Rachel did something illegal and I told her mom I could have everything she took back by making a simple call or an email. I hate pious, pompous nitwits who think they know it all. That nitwit can kiss my ass and I will bend over for her to do it.
If she wants I fight then, “ON GUARD!!!” I have nothing to lose. They cannot sue me. What would they get? Does she want the clothes off my back? The one thing about being poor is that you have nothing for someone to take. She can have it all but I haven’t seen my mother cry since I was in high school and I will not stand by and take it now.
My ex-wife called her hellacious mother and bitched about it. Godzilla, in turn, called my mother and upset her badly last night. Talking a lot of shit and being really rude.
I was livid. I literally put on my gauntlets and have my sword in hand. I wrote a scathing email that would make Mother Teresa blush. I told her for the first time since me and my ex wife first got married what I thought about her and what really happened.
No one talks to my mother that way. I will forego any social anxiety and stick by her side. Rachel did something illegal and I told her mom I could have everything she took back by making a simple call or an email. I hate pious, pompous nitwits who think they know it all. That nitwit can kiss my ass and I will bend over for her to do it.
If she wants I fight then, “ON GUARD!!!” I have nothing to lose. They cannot sue me. What would they get? Does she want the clothes off my back? The one thing about being poor is that you have nothing for someone to take. She can have it all but I haven’t seen my mother cry since I was in high school and I will not stand by and take it now.
Walkin down that road to home......
Well, I made it back. I had to get up at the crack of dawn and get all my stuff packed back up for the hike home. It only takes about an hour to make it home from where I was. The tent was covered with dew this morning and that it was an unpleasant pain to take down, roll up, and put it in its carry bag. I got wet myself during the process. I will have to set it up this afternoon in the back yard and air it out so it will not mildew.
I also left my shoes and socks outside of the tent and they were damp and clammy to put on due to the dew and cool temps. It still got very chilly this morning despite a high of over eighty yesterday. My little clip on pack thermometer read 54 this morning at 6 AM.
My hobos were great. It took forever to get the carrots and potatoes done though. The ketchup and mustard melded together to make this wonderful tangy tomatoey sauce that is one of my favorite camp foods. The ground beef gets infused with this sauce and is a treat. This recipe is also easy to make in the oven as well. You just have to put the hobos on a pan in case the aluminum foils leaks. That’s why I use the heavy, heavy duty aluminum foil. The sauce is one of the best things about it and the steam cooks the vegetables much better.
After eating, I built back up the fire and sat on a log listening to my little radio and smoking my pipe. What a great moment and a moment I wish someone would share with me. I would love to find someone nearby who shares my passion for camping out and hiking. I am still not sure if my new found friend would join me. She is very girly and may not go for roughing it even though she loves to day hike with me.
I was near a pond and a small stream and the sound of tree frogs and bull frogs filled the air. I was far enough away that it was not deafening and I could go to sleep well. I did lay for a long time listening to the sounds of the woods and the animals that only come out at night. I could hear the hoot owl off in the distance and the sounds of crickets as they went about their nightly mating rituals.
I should have brought my digital camera and forgot it. I will do so in a few days and let you all see the pond and the creek surrounded by cat tails.
Well, I must get ready to go get my dreaded monster shot in the butt. I just hope I don’t have to wait all morning for something that takes exactly five minutes to administer. Take care and be well.
I also left my shoes and socks outside of the tent and they were damp and clammy to put on due to the dew and cool temps. It still got very chilly this morning despite a high of over eighty yesterday. My little clip on pack thermometer read 54 this morning at 6 AM.
My hobos were great. It took forever to get the carrots and potatoes done though. The ketchup and mustard melded together to make this wonderful tangy tomatoey sauce that is one of my favorite camp foods. The ground beef gets infused with this sauce and is a treat. This recipe is also easy to make in the oven as well. You just have to put the hobos on a pan in case the aluminum foils leaks. That’s why I use the heavy, heavy duty aluminum foil. The sauce is one of the best things about it and the steam cooks the vegetables much better.
After eating, I built back up the fire and sat on a log listening to my little radio and smoking my pipe. What a great moment and a moment I wish someone would share with me. I would love to find someone nearby who shares my passion for camping out and hiking. I am still not sure if my new found friend would join me. She is very girly and may not go for roughing it even though she loves to day hike with me.
I was near a pond and a small stream and the sound of tree frogs and bull frogs filled the air. I was far enough away that it was not deafening and I could go to sleep well. I did lay for a long time listening to the sounds of the woods and the animals that only come out at night. I could hear the hoot owl off in the distance and the sounds of crickets as they went about their nightly mating rituals.
I should have brought my digital camera and forgot it. I will do so in a few days and let you all see the pond and the creek surrounded by cat tails.
Well, I must get ready to go get my dreaded monster shot in the butt. I just hope I don’t have to wait all morning for something that takes exactly five minutes to administer. Take care and be well.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Andrew goes camping....
I have had enough. My desire to escape and live in the wild for awhile has overcome me. I have to be at Dr. Kammaths tomorrow at 9:45 AM so I will do my best to get back and get a shower to head to that appointment. I have to get my “horse” shot for my schizophrenia tomorrow morning. My bi-weekly bearing of my bum for prosperities sake will happen first thing in the morning.
I have all my stuff packed up in my kelty backpack. I also have the supplies to make some "hobos" tonight. Hobos are a ground beef patty covered with sliced onions, carrots, potatoes, and covered with ketchup and mustard. You place it all bundled in heavy duty aluminum. Wrap it up tight so the steam will stay in. It makes this wonderful oily, meaty sauce and the vegetables get soft and melt in your mouth. I look forward to supper. All those incredible tastes and smells mingling together with the essence of a hard wood fire are what I live for.
I am headed out spring road near a spring that feeds a pond and a creek. I want to go to sleep tonight to the sounds of whip-o-wills and the night time insects. I want to smell that night time forest air and those cold runs to use the bathroom only to return and wrap up in my warm sleeping bag.
Also, there is nothing like lighting up your pipe and smoking a bowl with the aroma of tobacco and a hard wood fire to fill your nostrils. I just want to melt away my worries and fears in the moment. I want to get back to that simple life I enjoy so much.
I have all my stuff packed up in my kelty backpack. I also have the supplies to make some "hobos" tonight. Hobos are a ground beef patty covered with sliced onions, carrots, potatoes, and covered with ketchup and mustard. You place it all bundled in heavy duty aluminum. Wrap it up tight so the steam will stay in. It makes this wonderful oily, meaty sauce and the vegetables get soft and melt in your mouth. I look forward to supper. All those incredible tastes and smells mingling together with the essence of a hard wood fire are what I live for.
I am headed out spring road near a spring that feeds a pond and a creek. I want to go to sleep tonight to the sounds of whip-o-wills and the night time insects. I want to smell that night time forest air and those cold runs to use the bathroom only to return and wrap up in my warm sleeping bag.
Also, there is nothing like lighting up your pipe and smoking a bowl with the aroma of tobacco and a hard wood fire to fill your nostrils. I just want to melt away my worries and fears in the moment. I want to get back to that simple life I enjoy so much.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
My own little community……
"A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at"
- Ocsar Wilde
I had started a post a few weeks ago about this but lost my train of thought for some reason. I still think about it though. I wonder sometimes what if? What if I had the power and the position to start my own community and watch it grow into something for better or for worse? It’s just for fun and makes me think.
First things first, we would be self sustaining. We would not be dependent upon an outside source for our well being. Each person would have a role and a job that benefited the community as a whole and everyone gained from it. We would go back to an old school model and take away the corporate bloat. Each person would have a trade such as fish monger, butcher, shoe cobbler, hunter, farmer, etc.
There would be a renewed emphasis on the community. Porches would become common place again and people would congregate to sit and talk upon them. Neighbors would be friends and look out for the best interest of their communities and the person who lived in their back yard. They would play an important role in your life.
Money. Now this is a touchy subject for most but something that I have always had an ability to step back and look at objectively. I think that the way we are raised directly affects our views on this subject. Children would be raised to believe that money is just an end to a means and not the primary focus in their lives. Barter would become ever more present as one person’s productive labors are traded for someone else’s with a different set of needed skills.
There would be no corporations. Wealth would be distributed equally between all members and with great thought. Work would take less precedence over family time and the more important pursuits in life. Businesses would be altruistic and supporting of the community and would think constantly of providing a better working environment. Businesses would realize that the greater good of the institution is in the hands and through the productive labor of its employees.
Entertainment would be by the community, for the community. You would not find cookie cutter corporate entertainment stars. The community could not support such outrageous salaries as that whole media centric business model is based on numbers. 100,000 people cannot pay $8,000 to see a movie but 200 million could pay $8 bucks though. You can see how the numbers greatly affect this scenario.
Government would be greatly downsized. Average citizens would be urged to keep very keen and to have at least served in public office once or twice in their lifetimes. Legislative bodies would only meet if the need arose to pass new laws. A legislative body would not sit year around and just think up new laws due to inactivity or out of a feeling of duty. There would also be no income tax. A flat rate national sales tax that would be fair to all would be instituted.
Well I could go on all day on this subject and this line of thinking will mature as I learn more and gather more knowledge. If you would like to learn more on Utopias then check out the following link…..
American Communal Utopias and the Koreshan Unity: A Bibliography
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Never threaten to eat anyone or you will go hungry......
I try my best to stay away from Kevin Barbeiux's website. He just doesn't speak the truth. He tells a sugar coated version of being homeless that is not the truth at all. He wants readership and visitors and doesn't talk about the hard things that come with being homeless. The few things he does talk about are vague to say the least.
I want you all to know that by giving to him you keep him homeless. Yeap, hard to believe isn't it? But by giving you keep the man in his comfort. He can live outside the system and talk about it but that is not the case. He lives ON the system. I do believe that if you took away all his comforts then he would find a way to survive. He is too smart! Look at his writings. He knows what is going on and how to manipulate the system to his benefit.
He talks about not giving to panhandlers yet he does so in a round about way. He wants you to support him as the people of Nashville have done for years. Take that all away and guess what? The man would not starve. He would find a way to feed himself. It is all a con game and the press and many people have bought into it. They WANT to believe that a homeless guy has the answers. Does he have the answers? *cough* If he did then he would not be homeless.
He has everything he could want. A HOME(this includes bed and warm abode), 3 meals a day, internet access(how rich can you get?), and a book with his blog posts on the shelves.
I challenge him to come down and live like I did for a month. I want just one month, living by your wits. No comforts and I would even set aside this internet access for that time. He would not survive. He is dependent on the good will of others. I challenge you Kevin. If you want to find out what it is truly like being a HOMELESS guy then drop by. I will even pay for your bus fare. I will be there right beside you through it all and not have any creature comforts other than the camping gear I provide and you bring. I just get so tired of his bullshit.
I want you all to know that by giving to him you keep him homeless. Yeap, hard to believe isn't it? But by giving you keep the man in his comfort. He can live outside the system and talk about it but that is not the case. He lives ON the system. I do believe that if you took away all his comforts then he would find a way to survive. He is too smart! Look at his writings. He knows what is going on and how to manipulate the system to his benefit.
He talks about not giving to panhandlers yet he does so in a round about way. He wants you to support him as the people of Nashville have done for years. Take that all away and guess what? The man would not starve. He would find a way to feed himself. It is all a con game and the press and many people have bought into it. They WANT to believe that a homeless guy has the answers. Does he have the answers? *cough* If he did then he would not be homeless.
He has everything he could want. A HOME(this includes bed and warm abode), 3 meals a day, internet access(how rich can you get?), and a book with his blog posts on the shelves.
I challenge him to come down and live like I did for a month. I want just one month, living by your wits. No comforts and I would even set aside this internet access for that time. He would not survive. He is dependent on the good will of others. I challenge you Kevin. If you want to find out what it is truly like being a HOMELESS guy then drop by. I will even pay for your bus fare. I will be there right beside you through it all and not have any creature comforts other than the camping gear I provide and you bring. I just get so tired of his bullshit.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Tent Bound Days
More Memoirs of my Homeless Days
It has rained all day today. The patter of a cold rain reverberates in my tent. On days like today, I am stuck inside my tent as my only mode of transportation is my motorcycle. Motorcycling in a cold rain on a winter’s day is a death wish and you are sure to get pneumonia. I should have planned more carefully and drove ahead and hid out in my dearly departed grandmother’s house. Then I could goof off on the internet all day. I am lamenting that fact now.
A good book or books are essential on days like today to pass the time. I wrap myself up in my sleeping bag and the pages are turned effortlessly as I get lost in another world. Today I am reading The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. It is a fitting book for my wooded and rural setting. It makes me yearn for a companion to share my experiences with. Maybe I need to get a good watch dog. I miss my old Boston terrier, Otis. He was a faithful and loyal companion. I wonder how a dog would handle homelessness. Probably with much more aplomb than me I suppose.
***
My stomach is growling and it is pouring rain. Everything is damp and chilly. I need to cook some supper but I cannot because of the rain. I fear that lighting my camp stove inside the tent will asphyxiate me. I do have some whole grain fruit bars in my backpack. I think I will go munch on a few. I wish I had a cold glass of milk to accompany them. That would be delicious. All I have is water that I transported from my grandmother’s house yesterday. I do have one can of coca-cola in my back pack that I am saving as a treat. Ah hell, let’s crack it open. After that, I am going to tear into a twelve pack of beer and drown my sorrows. Hopefully that will put me to sleep and I will awake to sunlight and clear skies in the morning. I need to ride back to town to update my blog and check my email tomorrow.
It has rained all day today. The patter of a cold rain reverberates in my tent. On days like today, I am stuck inside my tent as my only mode of transportation is my motorcycle. Motorcycling in a cold rain on a winter’s day is a death wish and you are sure to get pneumonia. I should have planned more carefully and drove ahead and hid out in my dearly departed grandmother’s house. Then I could goof off on the internet all day. I am lamenting that fact now.
A good book or books are essential on days like today to pass the time. I wrap myself up in my sleeping bag and the pages are turned effortlessly as I get lost in another world. Today I am reading The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. It is a fitting book for my wooded and rural setting. It makes me yearn for a companion to share my experiences with. Maybe I need to get a good watch dog. I miss my old Boston terrier, Otis. He was a faithful and loyal companion. I wonder how a dog would handle homelessness. Probably with much more aplomb than me I suppose.
***
My stomach is growling and it is pouring rain. Everything is damp and chilly. I need to cook some supper but I cannot because of the rain. I fear that lighting my camp stove inside the tent will asphyxiate me. I do have some whole grain fruit bars in my backpack. I think I will go munch on a few. I wish I had a cold glass of milk to accompany them. That would be delicious. All I have is water that I transported from my grandmother’s house yesterday. I do have one can of coca-cola in my back pack that I am saving as a treat. Ah hell, let’s crack it open. After that, I am going to tear into a twelve pack of beer and drown my sorrows. Hopefully that will put me to sleep and I will awake to sunlight and clear skies in the morning. I need to ride back to town to update my blog and check my email tomorrow.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Preacher Man......
After I graduated from truck driving school and had received my commercial drivers license, I was hired on by a large national carrier named Werner Enterprises.
The first eight weeks of driving had to be done with a "trainer". Four with one and then four with another in different areas of the country. After spending several days just hanging around the driver's lounge waiting for news, I finally was assigned my first trainer. I was so excited! I was finally going to hit the highways and start my new career.
All truck drivers have what is called a handle. My first trainer was a black man called Preacher Man (for the first few weeks I was simply known as that crazy white kid until I had earned a handle :)). He was on a dedicated route for Dollar General out of a distribution center in northern Mississippi. He was a southern Baptist preacher and would drive five days and have the weekend off. It was a dedicated run and the drivers got special treatment.
After a long and horrible greyhound bus ride from Atlanta to Indianola Mississippi we were on our way. I knew on the first night we were headed out that this was going to be an interesting four weeks (my second trainer Jim aka Toad is another interesting tale as well that I will share later.)
As we were heading out for our first time, he started chatting up a lady on the CB who was in a nearby truck. No sooner than we had almost reached the gate he was turning around to go pick up this lady. It turned out to be a duo of gals and they were what is called Lot Lizards within the trade or simply prostitutes. Preacher soon dropped me back at the lounge after bartering a deal and I had to sit for several hours while he was "preoccupied". I didn't know what to think and just kinda of sat there confused watching TV in the lounge. I did know that my future as a truck driver with this company fell in this one mans hand. Shortly we were back on the road and I was off for my first ride as a Werner employee with the smell of sex permeating the cab. I thought to myself sitting in the passengers seat, my God, what have I gotten myself into?
Well, it turned out that Preacher was a good fellow and treated me well for the four weeks. He just had a few on the side "hobbys" that I didn't care for. We would spend long hours talking to each other about race and discrimination and many other things as one drove and the other sat.
About the third week, I had my first life long experience with blatant discrimination. I have lived all my life in the deep south and have experienced it but it was always of the subtle kind and hard to detect.
During the day we had a headlight go out and no where to buy a replacement as we were in the middle of no where Mississippi. Preacher was getting very worried as dusk approached. If state troopers or local police see a commercial truck with something damaged or not working they have a little light bulb that pops over their head with a dollar sign in it. Sure enough after night fell, we were soon pulled over and Preach got a hefty ticket and a stern talking down to by a state trooper. Preach was livid and mad as hell and told me if I had driven because I was white I would have just got a warning. I then told preach that I would drive and lets see what happened that next time we were pulled over.
Within about an hour, I see blue and red lights flashing in my side mirror so I pull off into the median after several miles of trying to find a big enough shoulder to hold the truck. The local cop walks up and asks me to step out of the cab. He was really nice and just wanted to inform me that my headlight was out and to get it fixed asap to comply with the law. Man, that sucked and I felt so bad for Preacher. Life sometimes is just not fair at all.
I have a bunch of pictures from truck driving on my computer and would like to post them. I am going to try and find some way of free hosting online and will get them up soon.
The first eight weeks of driving had to be done with a "trainer". Four with one and then four with another in different areas of the country. After spending several days just hanging around the driver's lounge waiting for news, I finally was assigned my first trainer. I was so excited! I was finally going to hit the highways and start my new career.
All truck drivers have what is called a handle. My first trainer was a black man called Preacher Man (for the first few weeks I was simply known as that crazy white kid until I had earned a handle :)). He was on a dedicated route for Dollar General out of a distribution center in northern Mississippi. He was a southern Baptist preacher and would drive five days and have the weekend off. It was a dedicated run and the drivers got special treatment.
After a long and horrible greyhound bus ride from Atlanta to Indianola Mississippi we were on our way. I knew on the first night we were headed out that this was going to be an interesting four weeks (my second trainer Jim aka Toad is another interesting tale as well that I will share later.)
As we were heading out for our first time, he started chatting up a lady on the CB who was in a nearby truck. No sooner than we had almost reached the gate he was turning around to go pick up this lady. It turned out to be a duo of gals and they were what is called Lot Lizards within the trade or simply prostitutes. Preacher soon dropped me back at the lounge after bartering a deal and I had to sit for several hours while he was "preoccupied". I didn't know what to think and just kinda of sat there confused watching TV in the lounge. I did know that my future as a truck driver with this company fell in this one mans hand. Shortly we were back on the road and I was off for my first ride as a Werner employee with the smell of sex permeating the cab. I thought to myself sitting in the passengers seat, my God, what have I gotten myself into?
Well, it turned out that Preacher was a good fellow and treated me well for the four weeks. He just had a few on the side "hobbys" that I didn't care for. We would spend long hours talking to each other about race and discrimination and many other things as one drove and the other sat.
About the third week, I had my first life long experience with blatant discrimination. I have lived all my life in the deep south and have experienced it but it was always of the subtle kind and hard to detect.
During the day we had a headlight go out and no where to buy a replacement as we were in the middle of no where Mississippi. Preacher was getting very worried as dusk approached. If state troopers or local police see a commercial truck with something damaged or not working they have a little light bulb that pops over their head with a dollar sign in it. Sure enough after night fell, we were soon pulled over and Preach got a hefty ticket and a stern talking down to by a state trooper. Preach was livid and mad as hell and told me if I had driven because I was white I would have just got a warning. I then told preach that I would drive and lets see what happened that next time we were pulled over.
Within about an hour, I see blue and red lights flashing in my side mirror so I pull off into the median after several miles of trying to find a big enough shoulder to hold the truck. The local cop walks up and asks me to step out of the cab. He was really nice and just wanted to inform me that my headlight was out and to get it fixed asap to comply with the law. Man, that sucked and I felt so bad for Preacher. Life sometimes is just not fair at all.
I have a bunch of pictures from truck driving on my computer and would like to post them. I am going to try and find some way of free hosting online and will get them up soon.
Distraught and Angry, that is the mood tonight......
I have done a lot of research on being homeless and blogging today and I am not in a good mood as of the result. I can be very obsessive sometimes and spent way too much time today searching various websites and blogs on homelessness using many different sets of keywords with google and other search engines.
I had written in an earlier comment box that I didn't want to gain readership as my goal but I am human and that was not the truth. I want acceptance and an audience. I want people to think that what I write has meaning and is important. We all want a voice and when someone finds that voice unique or interesting and they tell you so it is a great comfort and a boost to your ego.
Many times I wanted to curse with the worst words imaginable but I restrained myself because I thought it would alienate visitors and they would no longer return to hear what I had to say. I also wanted to talk about topics that would make the majority of the average American public wince in discomfort and did not do so because I was more interested in being heard than being honest with myself and with what I write.
I also learned that there is a class system among the homeless and that they, being human, judge other homeless people almost as ruthlessly as those with homes do with the homeless. I now consider myself as the "high class" homeless in that I was fortunate enough to gain certain things before my illness digressed and I was left without a home. Do I have a choice in my current situation? Yes I do. The choice is simply A)being homeless and living in a tent, and B)Having a home and being a zombie under the supervision of my father due to the medications that would be forced upon me. What would you choose? Tough choice isn't it? I could be creative, alive, and homeless or I could be in a home and sleep away my days in a hazy stupor with a constant drool of spittle out of the corner of my mouth.
I have read many blogs lately on homelessness, many by the homeless, and they all define being homeless from their own perspective. Nothing pisses me off more than when another homeless person talks about or denigrates another homeless person as being not as homeless as they are or by talking about addiction or substance abusing homeless as if they are not on the same level or their lives are not as important.
I read one homeless blog in that the writer showed great discontent with panhandlers and beggars and yet they freely get handouts by mail or paypal from their readers and do not even credit the benefactors who had given in their blog. They go on to talk about if you give them(panhandlers, druggies, beggars) money or food then you are enabling them to carry about with their addictions. I sometimes wonder if these same homeless people stopped to think that the same services these major cities provide are enabling them to be homeless. They sleep in shelters and they eat in soup kitchens provided for free and with public assistance. Is the public enabling the homeless? That argument could as easily be made much as the same argument in that the handouts to panhandlers supports their addictions. If you didn't have these services then I am quite sure you would go to even greater lengths to find food and shelter.
I just get so tired of having everything I do or say being controlled or monitored by others. Peer pressure can be such a master to the common slave. I am so cynical lately and sometimes wonder if true freedom is a farce in our current society. If you say what you believe you are berated and forced to tow the party line. If your experience is different from the norm then it is either unacceptable or invalidated.
/end of rant
I had written in an earlier comment box that I didn't want to gain readership as my goal but I am human and that was not the truth. I want acceptance and an audience. I want people to think that what I write has meaning and is important. We all want a voice and when someone finds that voice unique or interesting and they tell you so it is a great comfort and a boost to your ego.
Many times I wanted to curse with the worst words imaginable but I restrained myself because I thought it would alienate visitors and they would no longer return to hear what I had to say. I also wanted to talk about topics that would make the majority of the average American public wince in discomfort and did not do so because I was more interested in being heard than being honest with myself and with what I write.
I also learned that there is a class system among the homeless and that they, being human, judge other homeless people almost as ruthlessly as those with homes do with the homeless. I now consider myself as the "high class" homeless in that I was fortunate enough to gain certain things before my illness digressed and I was left without a home. Do I have a choice in my current situation? Yes I do. The choice is simply A)being homeless and living in a tent, and B)Having a home and being a zombie under the supervision of my father due to the medications that would be forced upon me. What would you choose? Tough choice isn't it? I could be creative, alive, and homeless or I could be in a home and sleep away my days in a hazy stupor with a constant drool of spittle out of the corner of my mouth.
I have read many blogs lately on homelessness, many by the homeless, and they all define being homeless from their own perspective. Nothing pisses me off more than when another homeless person talks about or denigrates another homeless person as being not as homeless as they are or by talking about addiction or substance abusing homeless as if they are not on the same level or their lives are not as important.
I read one homeless blog in that the writer showed great discontent with panhandlers and beggars and yet they freely get handouts by mail or paypal from their readers and do not even credit the benefactors who had given in their blog. They go on to talk about if you give them(panhandlers, druggies, beggars) money or food then you are enabling them to carry about with their addictions. I sometimes wonder if these same homeless people stopped to think that the same services these major cities provide are enabling them to be homeless. They sleep in shelters and they eat in soup kitchens provided for free and with public assistance. Is the public enabling the homeless? That argument could as easily be made much as the same argument in that the handouts to panhandlers supports their addictions. If you didn't have these services then I am quite sure you would go to even greater lengths to find food and shelter.
I just get so tired of having everything I do or say being controlled or monitored by others. Peer pressure can be such a master to the common slave. I am so cynical lately and sometimes wonder if true freedom is a farce in our current society. If you say what you believe you are berated and forced to tow the party line. If your experience is different from the norm then it is either unacceptable or invalidated.
/end of rant
My Favorite Quotes...
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.”
--- Mark Twain
“Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day. Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
--- Elizabeth Hubbard
“Can we actually ‘know’ the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around Chinatown.”
--- Woody Allen
“All the people like us are we. And everyone else is they.”
--- Rudyard Kipling
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
--- Will Rogers
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
--Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.”
-- Minna Antrim
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”
-- T. S. Elliot
“The long fight to save wild beauty represents democracy at its best. It requires citizens to practice the hardest of virtues – self-restraint.”
-- Edwin Way Teale
“It is good to have an end to journey towards, but in the end it is the journey that matters.”
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
“No, I was never lost, but I was confused for a few days once.”
-- Daniel Boone
“To different minds, the same world is a hell and a heaven.”
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
-- Helen Keller
Q. What’s the difference between a hiker and a homeless person?
A. Gortex
--Big Red aka Greg Benkert
“Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.”
-- Leo Buscaglia
“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither
Deep roots are not touched by frost.”
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
“The art of life is often lost in the pace of living.”
-- Danette Rice
“There is no arguing with the inevitable. The only argument available with an eastwind is to put on your overcoat.”
-- James Lowell
“For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.”
-- Henry Louis Meneken
“Rivers know this: There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
-- Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
“Never discourage anyone… who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.”
-- Plato
Press on: Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
-- Calvin Coolidge
“If I had my life to live over I’d like to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier that I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans.. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter that I have. I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies”
-- Nadine Stair
“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong – because someday you will have been all of these.”
-- George Washington Carver
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.”
-- Mark Twain
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.”
-- Sir John Lubbock
“It Is not the critic who counts; no the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who comes short again and again because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory not defeat.”
-- Theodore Roosevelt
“My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.”
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
“I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.”
-- Laura Ingalls Wilder
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.”
-- Dr. Seuss
“In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.”
-- Mark Twain
“Going into the woods and the wild place has little to do with recreation, and much to do with creation. For the wilderness is the creation in its pure state, its processes unqualified by the doings of people. A man in the woods comes face to face with the creation, of which he must begin to see himself a part – a much less imposing part than he thought.”
-- Wendell Berry
“I know of no higher fortitude than stubbornness in the face of overwhelming odds.”
-- Louis Nizer
--- Mark Twain
“Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day. Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.”
--- Elizabeth Hubbard
“Can we actually ‘know’ the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around Chinatown.”
--- Woody Allen
“All the people like us are we. And everyone else is they.”
--- Rudyard Kipling
“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”
--- Will Rogers
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
--Oliver Wendell Holmes
“Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.”
-- Minna Antrim
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”
-- T. S. Elliot
“The long fight to save wild beauty represents democracy at its best. It requires citizens to practice the hardest of virtues – self-restraint.”
-- Edwin Way Teale
“It is good to have an end to journey towards, but in the end it is the journey that matters.”
-- Ursula K. LeGuin
“No, I was never lost, but I was confused for a few days once.”
-- Daniel Boone
“To different minds, the same world is a hell and a heaven.”
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
-- Helen Keller
Q. What’s the difference between a hiker and a homeless person?
A. Gortex
--Big Red aka Greg Benkert
“Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength.”
-- Leo Buscaglia
“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither
Deep roots are not touched by frost.”
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
“The art of life is often lost in the pace of living.”
-- Danette Rice
“There is no arguing with the inevitable. The only argument available with an eastwind is to put on your overcoat.”
-- James Lowell
“For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.”
-- Henry Louis Meneken
“Rivers know this: There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
-- Pooh’s Little Instruction Book
“Never discourage anyone… who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.”
-- Plato
Press on: Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.”
-- Calvin Coolidge
“If I had my life to live over I’d like to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax. I would limber up. I would be sillier that I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans.. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter that I have. I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies”
-- Nadine Stair
“How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong – because someday you will have been all of these.”
-- George Washington Carver
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.”
-- Mark Twain
“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.”
-- Sir John Lubbock
“It Is not the critic who counts; no the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who comes short again and again because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory not defeat.”
-- Theodore Roosevelt
“My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.”
-- Ashleigh Brilliant
“I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.”
-- Laura Ingalls Wilder
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.”
-- Dr. Seuss
“In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.”
-- Mark Twain
“Going into the woods and the wild place has little to do with recreation, and much to do with creation. For the wilderness is the creation in its pure state, its processes unqualified by the doings of people. A man in the woods comes face to face with the creation, of which he must begin to see himself a part – a much less imposing part than he thought.”
-- Wendell Berry
“I know of no higher fortitude than stubbornness in the face of overwhelming odds.”
-- Louis Nizer
Thursday, January 22, 2004
Always fight for your homeland....
One thing 9/11 has taught us is that we must fight for our country and destroy those who wish to take it from us! We must do what ever it takes no matter what the cost to see that our homeland is secured. With that said I urge you to read the following...
Before the middle of the 16th century the Creek controlled almost all of Georgia. At that time the Cherokee (and later whites) began to pressure them to move inland. A "tremendous battle" occurred at Slaughter Gap in Lumpkin County in the late 1600's. After this battle the Creek retreated to a line roughly south of the Etowah River. A later battle in Cherokee County forced the Creek south to the Chattahoochee and Flint(Thronateeskee) Rivers and west to the Coosa(mostly in Alabama), hence the terms Upper Creek and Lower Creek became common references to the now separate tribes.
Read this link to find out more.
/end satire and sarcasm
Before the middle of the 16th century the Creek controlled almost all of Georgia. At that time the Cherokee (and later whites) began to pressure them to move inland. A "tremendous battle" occurred at Slaughter Gap in Lumpkin County in the late 1600's. After this battle the Creek retreated to a line roughly south of the Etowah River. A later battle in Cherokee County forced the Creek south to the Chattahoochee and Flint(Thronateeskee) Rivers and west to the Coosa(mostly in Alabama), hence the terms Upper Creek and Lower Creek became common references to the now separate tribes.
Read this link to find out more.
/end satire and sarcasm
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Hunting Arrow Heads.....
It was a beautiful day today. The sky was clear, bright, and a beautiful shade of blue. The temperature got up in the mid fifties and it felt so warm and good.
I spent some time this morning looking for indian arrow heads. They are very abundant in this area. Used to, in the old days, you could walk behind the mule and plow as it tilled the soil and find many spearheads and arrowheads. (One of my father's cousins amassed a huge collection doing this. Many were of museum quality.)
I didn't find any thing but broken bits and pieces today. A few weeks ago, I found a really nice arrowhead with the perfect classical shape and keep it in my backpack despite the added weight.
The creek Indians that lived here had a large population and a unique culture but most of them were shipped off to reservations in Oklahoma during the 19th century. Today it's hard to believe that all of this area was populated by a people whose language, culture, and way of life were completely different from our own. The only thing left of their culture I can find are shaped bits of stone.
I also spent some time today working on my other blog on computer repair and it is slowly taking shape. I am just having a hard time organizing all the material in a way that pleases me. Hopefully soon, I would post a link and officially publish it.
Yesterday, I spent an hour navigating the maze that is the social security website learning about the ticket to work program. (thanks to a commenter for the info and the link!) You can spend forever navigating the numerous wild link trying to find what information you need. Surely, they could find an easier and more concise way to organize their website.
The ticket to work program was implemented in Alabama this last November so it is still new here. You can earn up to a certain amount without losing your benefits. You have to find a job or vocation that fits certain criteria and guidelines though for reasons of rehabilitation. (I am being presumptuous and sarcastic but I will bet you money that bagging groceries is an accepted vocation but not teaching arts and crafts to children at a camp! :P) You can also go back to work for up to 60 months and not have to go back through the tortuous application process if your disability worsens for some reason and you are unable to work for a time.
The website still left many questions unanswered so I have tried many times this afternoon to call but always get a busy tone. I will try to get over here early in the morning and call as soon as they open in the hopes to get straight through.
I spent some time this morning looking for indian arrow heads. They are very abundant in this area. Used to, in the old days, you could walk behind the mule and plow as it tilled the soil and find many spearheads and arrowheads. (One of my father's cousins amassed a huge collection doing this. Many were of museum quality.)
I didn't find any thing but broken bits and pieces today. A few weeks ago, I found a really nice arrowhead with the perfect classical shape and keep it in my backpack despite the added weight.
The creek Indians that lived here had a large population and a unique culture but most of them were shipped off to reservations in Oklahoma during the 19th century. Today it's hard to believe that all of this area was populated by a people whose language, culture, and way of life were completely different from our own. The only thing left of their culture I can find are shaped bits of stone.
I also spent some time today working on my other blog on computer repair and it is slowly taking shape. I am just having a hard time organizing all the material in a way that pleases me. Hopefully soon, I would post a link and officially publish it.
Yesterday, I spent an hour navigating the maze that is the social security website learning about the ticket to work program. (thanks to a commenter for the info and the link!) You can spend forever navigating the numerous wild link trying to find what information you need. Surely, they could find an easier and more concise way to organize their website.
The ticket to work program was implemented in Alabama this last November so it is still new here. You can earn up to a certain amount without losing your benefits. You have to find a job or vocation that fits certain criteria and guidelines though for reasons of rehabilitation. (I am being presumptuous and sarcastic but I will bet you money that bagging groceries is an accepted vocation but not teaching arts and crafts to children at a camp! :P) You can also go back to work for up to 60 months and not have to go back through the tortuous application process if your disability worsens for some reason and you are unable to work for a time.
The website still left many questions unanswered so I have tried many times this afternoon to call but always get a busy tone. I will try to get over here early in the morning and call as soon as they open in the hopes to get straight through.
Predatory Crows.......
The strangest thing just happened. It was almost surreal and my heart is still racing from it.
As I was standing outside soaking up some sun and having a smoke, a huge group of starlings landed in the big oak tree beside the house. All the sudden, with a huge fluttering roar, they took flight and out of the tree came crashing down a crow with a much smaller starling in his grip. The landed in the ivy and all I could hear were the cries of the starling for several minutes until they became weaker and ceased. Soon, other crows started to show up to join in on the attack.
It was so weird. I never knew crows were predators of other birds. I guess you learn something new every day. Well, let me head off on my walk.
As I was standing outside soaking up some sun and having a smoke, a huge group of starlings landed in the big oak tree beside the house. All the sudden, with a huge fluttering roar, they took flight and out of the tree came crashing down a crow with a much smaller starling in his grip. The landed in the ivy and all I could hear were the cries of the starling for several minutes until they became weaker and ceased. Soon, other crows started to show up to join in on the attack.
It was so weird. I never knew crows were predators of other birds. I guess you learn something new every day. Well, let me head off on my walk.
The Voluntary Homeless........
I found a blog about a guy named Dion who is attempting to hike from Alabama to Quebec. I really enjoyed some of his writings as he puts so much feeling into them. The November archives on his blog are especially noteworthy. These deal with the start of his journey from Mt. Flagg near Montgomery Al. to Mt. Cheaha (the highest mountain in Alabama) on the Pinhoti trail. I love the stories of his interaction with the locals.
He is currently on the Appalachian Trial north of Springer mountain Georgia after taking a month off for the holidays.
I can understand his motives. The thing that amazes me the most is that his wife encourages him and allows him to be gone so long. If he never took any breaks it would take over 8 months for this journey. My wife would have never supported or allowed me to do that. I couldn't even go to the store with out her tagging along. She would just go crazy if I stayed up past eleven PM. Now she will not even see me or talk to me. Life's weird.
I am going to start some training and conditioning today. I am already homeless and living much of the time outside in the elements so why not put it too a positive use like Dion? I need some goal or direction in my life and maybe the therapy of hiking long distance could help me.
I am going to pack up my backpack and start at 5 miles today and then slowly move up the mileage every few days. The only thing that bothers me about this is that as I hike more and more the more calories I will burn and thus the more food I will need to consume and buy. I will just have to be frugal and not spend too much on food. (On the AT is pretty common knowledge that you will burn over 4000 calories a day with a heavy pack and good mileage!)
I have set a short term goal for an expedition I want to take and this will help motivate me in my efforts. There is a local abandoned railway line nearby that runs about 25 miles to Lafayette Al.(pronounced Lafette locally) and I want to take 2 or 3 days and hike it. I want see what interesting relics or structures remain along the right away. It probably hasn't been used in over 20 years.
If you want to check out Dion's trail journals then click on the link below.....
Dion hikes from Alabama to Quebec
He is currently on the Appalachian Trial north of Springer mountain Georgia after taking a month off for the holidays.
I can understand his motives. The thing that amazes me the most is that his wife encourages him and allows him to be gone so long. If he never took any breaks it would take over 8 months for this journey. My wife would have never supported or allowed me to do that. I couldn't even go to the store with out her tagging along. She would just go crazy if I stayed up past eleven PM. Now she will not even see me or talk to me. Life's weird.
I am going to start some training and conditioning today. I am already homeless and living much of the time outside in the elements so why not put it too a positive use like Dion? I need some goal or direction in my life and maybe the therapy of hiking long distance could help me.
I am going to pack up my backpack and start at 5 miles today and then slowly move up the mileage every few days. The only thing that bothers me about this is that as I hike more and more the more calories I will burn and thus the more food I will need to consume and buy. I will just have to be frugal and not spend too much on food. (On the AT is pretty common knowledge that you will burn over 4000 calories a day with a heavy pack and good mileage!)
I have set a short term goal for an expedition I want to take and this will help motivate me in my efforts. There is a local abandoned railway line nearby that runs about 25 miles to Lafayette Al.(pronounced Lafette locally) and I want to take 2 or 3 days and hike it. I want see what interesting relics or structures remain along the right away. It probably hasn't been used in over 20 years.
If you want to check out Dion's trail journals then click on the link below.....
Dion hikes from Alabama to Quebec
Monday, January 19, 2004
Life's little conundrums.....
I got a reply back from the director of the camp. He basically stated that they do not take volunteers but would like for me to apply for employment. He said he was sending me a application and information packet and the latest promotional DVD. He also stated that he was going to be at Auburn University Feb. 17 and wanted me to come down and talk to him after his recruitment session.
I can understand why. A counselor or camp staff has to sign a 3 1/2 month contract to the camp and that ensures that they will stay and work the whole summer where as a volunteer would not be bound by this and could just up and leave on a whim. This could put the camp at a disadvantage. I would never do that but I do understand the reasoning.
The main reason I wanted to volunteer was to keep my SSDI. If I go to work full time at camp this summer I would lose my benefits. At the end of the summer I would still be homeless and without an income as well. Not a very good situation. I need to keep my SSDI in case my disability worsens or something happens. It is my lifeline currently.
I am not sure what I am going to do or what to email him back. I will sit on it for a few days and think about it.
I can understand why. A counselor or camp staff has to sign a 3 1/2 month contract to the camp and that ensures that they will stay and work the whole summer where as a volunteer would not be bound by this and could just up and leave on a whim. This could put the camp at a disadvantage. I would never do that but I do understand the reasoning.
The main reason I wanted to volunteer was to keep my SSDI. If I go to work full time at camp this summer I would lose my benefits. At the end of the summer I would still be homeless and without an income as well. Not a very good situation. I need to keep my SSDI in case my disability worsens or something happens. It is my lifeline currently.
I am not sure what I am going to do or what to email him back. I will sit on it for a few days and think about it.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Brrr...Cold as a sitting polar bear's butt this morning......
The weather can be such a fickle thing. I love a good rain but I know that in the winter that rain is usually followed by a strong blast of cold air after the front moves through.
Last night after riding back to my camp pretty late it was still a balmy 59 degrees. I got in my sleeping bag and was sweating my butt off. You have to be really careful with a down sleeping bag because if it gets too wet you lose much of it's insulation and loft and can get yourself in a miserable predicament. So, I unzipped it and folded it flat and pulled over me a light weight fleece camping blanket I had in my pack. This was much more comfortable and I was soon sound asleep.
Another problem with sleeping in a tent in cool weather is condensation. If you don't open the mesh vent flaps or front door on my tent before you go to sleep, your body heat inside the tent will keep the air a few degrees warmer than the outside air. Water will start to condense on the cooler tent ceiling and walls over night and they will be coated with dew by the morning. All it takes is a slight bump of your head to your tent as you rise up from your sleeping bag in the morning and it will "rain" inside the tent. This can make even the most stalwart religious man cuss like a sailor.
I awoke about 5am this morning and was completely chilled and shivering. I looked at the thermometer on my pack and it was 36 degrees. Man, the temperature really dropped last night in just a few short hours. I bundled up in my sleeping bag, closing the draft collar tight and soon got warm again and back to sleep.
I woke back up around 6:30 am and spent some time getting dressed and moving. I have learned to either sleep in my clothes or keep them in my sleeping bag as it can be pure torture putting on a cold pair of jeans or tennis shoes in the morning. It sure will wake you up better than the strongest cup of coffee.
I have used up much of the locally available fallen limbs and downed trees and have to go ever longer walks to find wood but these brisk walks really help your body and feet warm up. I built a small fire using lots of dry pine straw as kindling and then built a tepee of branches and limbs around it. Smaller sticks and twigs near the kindling and the larger branches on the outside. The fire took little time to light after I gave up on my emergency fire starter and used a piece of toilet paper and my lighter.
I had bought a magnesium fire kit at walmart many weeks ago for an emergency in case my lighter gave out or my water proof matches failed for some reason. It seemed simple enough on the package. Heck , I was bored and wanted to try something different. A challenge. You were supposed to take your knife and scrape off shavings from the magnesium block and form a pile amid the kindling. Then after you get a decent pile, you take the back of your knife and strike a cylinder of flint epoxied to the back of the mag block. It lit all right but it burned so fast and bright it was out in a second and wouldn't start the kindling. I guess there must be a trick that escapes me so far. As with most things on paper they look easy but are hard in practice. Oh well, I will keep trying and see how my results come out next time.
I am now at the house now. It is a comparatively warm 56 degrees in here. Much better than the current blustery 37 degrees outside.
Last night after riding back to my camp pretty late it was still a balmy 59 degrees. I got in my sleeping bag and was sweating my butt off. You have to be really careful with a down sleeping bag because if it gets too wet you lose much of it's insulation and loft and can get yourself in a miserable predicament. So, I unzipped it and folded it flat and pulled over me a light weight fleece camping blanket I had in my pack. This was much more comfortable and I was soon sound asleep.
Another problem with sleeping in a tent in cool weather is condensation. If you don't open the mesh vent flaps or front door on my tent before you go to sleep, your body heat inside the tent will keep the air a few degrees warmer than the outside air. Water will start to condense on the cooler tent ceiling and walls over night and they will be coated with dew by the morning. All it takes is a slight bump of your head to your tent as you rise up from your sleeping bag in the morning and it will "rain" inside the tent. This can make even the most stalwart religious man cuss like a sailor.
I awoke about 5am this morning and was completely chilled and shivering. I looked at the thermometer on my pack and it was 36 degrees. Man, the temperature really dropped last night in just a few short hours. I bundled up in my sleeping bag, closing the draft collar tight and soon got warm again and back to sleep.
I woke back up around 6:30 am and spent some time getting dressed and moving. I have learned to either sleep in my clothes or keep them in my sleeping bag as it can be pure torture putting on a cold pair of jeans or tennis shoes in the morning. It sure will wake you up better than the strongest cup of coffee.
I have used up much of the locally available fallen limbs and downed trees and have to go ever longer walks to find wood but these brisk walks really help your body and feet warm up. I built a small fire using lots of dry pine straw as kindling and then built a tepee of branches and limbs around it. Smaller sticks and twigs near the kindling and the larger branches on the outside. The fire took little time to light after I gave up on my emergency fire starter and used a piece of toilet paper and my lighter.
I had bought a magnesium fire kit at walmart many weeks ago for an emergency in case my lighter gave out or my water proof matches failed for some reason. It seemed simple enough on the package. Heck , I was bored and wanted to try something different. A challenge. You were supposed to take your knife and scrape off shavings from the magnesium block and form a pile amid the kindling. Then after you get a decent pile, you take the back of your knife and strike a cylinder of flint epoxied to the back of the mag block. It lit all right but it burned so fast and bright it was out in a second and wouldn't start the kindling. I guess there must be a trick that escapes me so far. As with most things on paper they look easy but are hard in practice. Oh well, I will keep trying and see how my results come out next time.
I am now at the house now. It is a comparatively warm 56 degrees in here. Much better than the current blustery 37 degrees outside.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Well, I did it......
I got up the courage to email the camp director so hopefully I will hear back some news on my proposal to him this week. Wish me luck as this just may be the break I have been looking for.
Here is the email I sent.....
Here is the email I sent.....
Dear Donnie, Chuck, or Chris,
My name is Jonathon and you may remember me. I was a camper and CIT at falling creek for many years. I was also a counselor my last summer at camp and my brother Alex was my CIT. I worked in the kitchen the summer of York Pharr's last tenure as the owner and at the same time was helping in Arts and Crafts so am quite familiar with both areas.
I was wondering if you ever excepted offers for volunteer work for preseason and/or summer work. I have a steady income from Social Security Disability so I do not need a salary. I do have a disability but am quite able to do physical work such as helping in the kitchen, helping with hikes(I was planning on hiking the Appalachian trial some day and have all the gear to do so), Arts and Crafts, or just doing various odd jobs like landscaping and camp clean up.
Going to Falling Creek every summer as a child was one the greatest experiences of my life. My memories of attending there are some of the best I have and those were some of the best times of my life.
The only compensation I would ask in return is simple bed in the kitchen crew cabin(or other cabin) and meals. I would bring me great joy to be able to help with something that meant so much to me. This would be the greatest award I could gain from this endeavor.
I do hope you will consider my offer and I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this proposal. Take care and have a good week.
Sincerely,
Andrew
Friday, January 16, 2004
Cast of Characters
I thought I would write up a revised cast of characters for those of you new or unfamiliar with the blog. These are the people I write about in my daily tales. It is kind of hard to grow familiar or attached to these characters if you just jump in and swim so to speak if you are a new reader.
I have been writing about the gang as I affectionately call them for years now. My interactions with them ebb and flow as life changes. They usually hang out at the shopping center which is a ten minute walk from my house. Lately, I have been seeing more of them now that George is out of jail. George is kind of the lifeblood of the gang and keeps them together as they all consider him a best friend as do I. George introduced me to all these interesting people and their interesting lives.
Be forewarned that some of the gang can use coarse and crass language in their conversations. I capture our interactions warts and all so if such language offends you then skip the “George and the Gang” posts and read my daily musings.
I have been writing about the gang as I affectionately call them for years now. My interactions with them ebb and flow as life changes. They usually hang out at the shopping center which is a ten minute walk from my house. Lately, I have been seeing more of them now that George is out of jail. George is kind of the lifeblood of the gang and keeps them together as they all consider him a best friend as do I. George introduced me to all these interesting people and their interesting lives.
Be forewarned that some of the gang can use coarse and crass language in their conversations. I capture our interactions warts and all so if such language offends you then skip the “George and the Gang” posts and read my daily musings.
- Carolyn – Carolyn is my 45 year old girlfriend of some months. She worked for years as a third shift convenience store clerk at a store named Fat Albert’s. She recently took a job working with Wal-Mart for more money and the chance to work the day shift. We have dated before and she shunned me when I revealed my mental illness. She has come to realize that I do have failings, but I am not some crazy schizophrenic killer. I love her dearly and she feels the same for me. She is divorced after 18 years of marriage and has a grown son named David.
- My mother, Martha – I often speak of my mother in these tales. She is a retired school teacher and taught for over thirty years. She also suffers from late onset schizophrenia and struggles to get out of the bed everyday. I try to call her or go see her once a day and encourage her to get out of the house. We go eat dinner every Thursday night without fail these days and I enjoy our time together. My readers of the blog enjoy my writing about our meals and interactions together. I enjoy sharing them and capturing them in words as well.
- George aka Sherman – George is around fifty years old and recently got out of jail after being incarcerated for months on a driving under the influence charge. George has an affinity towards overindulging in beer and wine and drinking and driving. George also prodigiously smokes the cheapest cigars he can find and you never see him without one dangling from his mouth. I and George have grown to be best friends over the years despite our vastly different cultural upbringings and lifestyles. George usually carries poor, minority people around this small southern town for money. Our town being so small, we don’t have a reliable taxi service. George also never fails to make me laugh and smile and I hope you will also find this quality about him endearing. Despite his leanings towards being a drunk, he is a kind and gentle soul with a foul mouth being his only real drawback to his personality.
- Pookie – Pookie is George’s crack-head, crack-whore girlfriend. I have never figured out what George sees in her. She will often steal from him and takes his wallet after their love making sessions. Pookie runs a crack house in a very poor, rundown neighborhood nearby that often gets raided by the police. I asked George once what was so alluring about her and his words were, “She will fuck your brains out.” And take your money without your permission, I might add.
- Ferret – Ferret is a good fellow who has had a past of alcoholism, mental illness, and homelessness. He recently just got out of a group home for homeless alcoholic men down in Columbus, Georgia. He said they preached too much about Jesus and God and not enough on how to stay sober and clean up your life. Ferret is currently homeless again after trying to live with his alcoholic mother for awhile. His tent is down in the woods next to the grand Chattahoochee River and the railroad tracks. I am sure I will be down there often to visit with him in the upcoming months. I also do what I can to help make his homelessness more comfortable being a formerly homeless man myself with a lot of experience camping and living out of doors during the winter and summer months.
- Big S – Big S is a panhandler and not my favorite of the gang. He is very forceful with his methods and uses intimidation to get spare change and money out of the people he accosts. For the longest time, he hung out down at the shopping center near my house. He has recently moved across the river to another shopping center to do his panhandling. Big S is a big, hulking fellow that is certainly not missing any meals. He also lives with his sister and her five kids rent free. He says she steals his disability money for her meth habit though. I doubt it. He is most likely eating up those funds. I am sure Big S will gravitate back to his old stomping grounds now that George is back in town and out of jail.
- Cap w/ Tag Guy -- Cap w/ Tag Guy is a ubiquitous regular down at the shopping center. He rarely speaks and I once thought he was mute. He spends his days idly standing around listening to his walkman as he watches life pass him by. The rumor was he once sold crack cocaine to support himself, but now receives some sort of government assistance. He gets his nickname from the price tag that dangles from his baseball cap that rides high upon his head. That fad was all the rage in the late eighties and early nineties. Cap is a little behind the times.
- Droopy -- Droopy is becoming a more regular member of the gang. I worked with Droopy years ago at a towel warehouse so we are already familiar with each other. He is “retired” and lives off of his social security pension. He is an incredibly odd looking fellow and gets his nickname due to the fact that his face looks as if it were melting wax and sliding off his facial bones. He also has the saddest looking and gaunt eyes. He is kind of an enigmatic character most days. You will often see him constantly walking about town going to his various social avenues. The only bad thing about Droopy is that he likes to bum cigarettes and money and will ask you for them constantly. I have often told him to hang out with Big S and learn the panhandling trade instead of bothering me. He always says panhandling is beneath him. That remark made me scoff.
- Dumpster Diving Dan -- Dan is a creature of habit. He has the same routine everyday. Each morning at dawn, he checks the dumpsters behind the shopping center for any food or items thrown out overnight by the night shift. He says the early bird gets the worm and also the unspoiled food. Dan is one my favorites of the gang and I look up to him. He has a wealth of knowledge and wisdom that only his experiences in the world and his age can bring. Dan is also a veteran of the Vietnam War. He came home after the fall of Saigon and spent a lot of years recovering and finding himself. He once said he battled with alcoholism due to the war, but rarely drinks these days. I have only seen him drink beer once or twice. Dan also cares for and feeds a flock of seagulls over by the river every morning after his dumpster diving without fail. You will sometimes find me down there with him helping with the morning feeding.
- HIV/AIDS Guy - HIV/AIDS Guy is another beggar and panhandler. I despise him. He is actually fit as a fiddle and perfectly healthy. His uses the guise of saying he is dying of aids to get money out of people. He will ask you for money for his hospital bills and medications. You will also often see him with one of those hospital ID bands around his wrist. It will eventually get worn out and he will have to go back down to the emergency room and feign illness to get another. All the other groupies avoid this guy because when he shows up the police usually follow shortly as well. He has a penchant for shoplifting. I haven’t seen this guy in months, but he has a knack of showing up unexpectedly so I added him to the cast of characters.
- Dexter - Dexter is a slightly mentally retarded fellow that can often be seen walking through town everyday. He is a new addition to the gang and I haven't had a lot of tales about him yet. I am sure more will follow soon. Dexter was recently arrested for stealing fried pork chops out of his next door neighbor's kitchen. He ate eight whole pork chops in one sitting. "That must have been one powerful hunger," I told George about it the other day.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Frequently Asked Questions…
What is your diagnosis?
I am officially diagnosed as schizoaffective; having symptoms of both bipolar and schizophrenia. I get an every two week injection of Risperdal Consta to control my symptoms. I also take Luvox, Lithium, and Klonopin to help.
When did you realize you had a problem?
In the early nineties when I was in college, I started to think my neighbors were spying on me. I thought they had bugged my phone and put cameras in my ceilings. I went so far as to tear out the ceilings of my apartment costing my father thousands of dollars in repairs. I would also only make phone calls on payphones.
You were married once, right?
I was married to a very beautiful, rotund woman named Rachel. We were only married for two years; both of us having problems with mental illnesses. She was a very wealthy woman and I lived a life of opulence for those two short years before she divorced me. I was very mentally ill and signed over everything to her in the divorce. All I got was a computer, camping supplies, my clothes, and a new motorcycle.
Tell me about your homelessness…
I was homeless for six months after my divorce. I was ostracized by my family for being a mentally ill drunkard. I had nowhere to go having lost my home. I lived in a tent on some land by a pond my family owns. I have a lot of fond memories and a lot of terribly, miserably cold memories of that time. I was literally drunk for six months straight without ever sobering up. It’s all a blur of memories now.
Since you don’t work, how do you support yourself?
I receive a monthly disability allotment from Social Security. It’s around a thousand dollars. I have very few bills other than the bare necessities thus can live pretty comfortably on such a small amount of money.
What about your addictions?
I’ve been sober for about 3 years now. I had a long time love affair with beer and alcohol. I also struggle with other addictions such as food, cigarettes, caffeine, Benadryl, etc. I have a very addictive personality. It is a constant and tiresome struggle.
What about Maggie?
Maggie was a rescue puppy. Dad found her thrown in a trash dumpster. She was anemic, eaten up with fleas, starving, and suffering from the early stages of heatstroke. She’s about four years old now so still has a lot of puppy left in her. Dad calls her my wife. She is right where ever I am. She has to keep up with me.
Monday, February 05, 2001
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