Weird Auditory Stuff

For the last few months, I have been hearing what sounds like a car door shutting loudly outside intermittently. It sounds like it was coming from my driveway, but there is never a car outside when I go look. It was very disconcerting and alarming to say the least.

This week has been even weirder as I hear what sounds like someone pacing back and forth in my late grandmother’s bedroom. It is the same room she died in and is directly above where I sit at my computer. The floor will creak and moan for several minutes and then it will be quiet for hours.

I don’t believe in ghosts or the supernatural so it must be auditory hallucinations. Those are something I have only experienced with my disease on a very seldom basis.

I even went so far as to call Charlie this morning and ask him if his son Randall has been sleeping over here during the day. Charlie is selling his other home and when he has guests to view it he will bring Randall over here to sleep as he stays up all night watching television. It is like Randall to pace continuously and would explain the sounds I am hearing. Charlie told me that, no, Randall hadn’t been over here in weeks.

Yesterday, I was kind of manic and schizoid about my blog and writing as well. I wrote a total of five lengthy posts yesterday, but only published two and debated on keeping up that latter one. I tend to stay so cut off from social contact and other people that I find it hard to discern what is appropriate writing and material to publish. This will cause me to write something in a flurry of creativity and then publish it. Later, I read it and decide that maybe it was too harsh or poorly written or too personal and I will take it down only to possibly put it back up later. It is damn frustrating to be so wishy-washy about what I write and the censorship takes a toll sometimes on my feelings about writing publicly.

When I get to feeling like I have the past few days, I wish I had a little white pill that I could take to make me sleep for days until this current storm passes. I want so much to crawl in the bed and sleep for days, but every time I take off my clothes and lay down I cannot sleep or rest. I am manic as can be. Maybe a few beers will help calm my nerves. That always seems to help, but I hate to self medicate like that with a substance I have had problems with in the past.