I was reading a recent post written by The Homeless Guy. He loves to portray the life of homelessness as hard and arduous. It is all a play on your sympathies and a tug upon your heartstrings and purse strings. I call it his Messiah complex. He wants you to believe that he is “suffering” for a greater cause; that of advocacy for the homeless and their plight. Yes, I will agree that those long winter nights spent in a tent were awfully cold and I would often cry myself to sleep bundled up in my down sleeping bag. There is an untold story of homelessness though; a tale of idle days with little responsibility and even less direction to life.
I regained a home a bitter, resentful, and hurt man. I was coming off the heels of a devastating divorce. I was a broken soul. It was easier to just escape into the woods with all my camping gear carrying a case of beer, a carton of cigarettes, and a sorely damaged and bruised psyche.
Years later, I look back on my homelessness with a certain fondness. They were very, very simple times where my only responsibility was keeping up my addictions. I have found that keeping a home is much harder. If keeping a home was easy and not filled with many pitfalls then there would be very little homelessness.
One of the hardest aspects of keeping a home for me has been juggling the many responsibilities that came with said ownership. I had to become an adult. I had to think carefully of the future and plan ahead. No longer could I just run willy nilly rampant through life without a forethought for the future. I had to save my money. I had to be careful with my shopping and purchases. I had to pay the bills. I had to sober up. I had to take my many medications for my schizophrenia. I had to rebuild family relationships and friendships and nurture them. I had to escape the selfish thinking of the homeless mind and become more aware of the people around me. All of this took hard work. One of the hardest things was reaching out for help. I was always a very prideful man and swallowing that pride and rash bravado was a giant hurdle to leap.
I regained a home a bitter, resentful, and hurt man. I was coming off the heels of a devastating divorce. I was a broken soul. It was easier to just escape into the woods with all my camping gear carrying a case of beer, a carton of cigarettes, and a sorely damaged and bruised psyche. The cold was a less cruel mistress. I wouldn’t have to deal with people, my pain, or all the responsibilities of life. I was alone with only my own selfish concerns to care about and the alcohol to drown my sorrows in.
I look back on the past few years of regaining a home as some of the hardest I have experienced, but also the most rewarding. As my life grew less chaotic, I become more sure of myself and a self healing occurred. I regained my composure. I regained some sense of pride and wellbeing. The many burned bridges of my past life were rebuilt and strengthened. It took a lot of hard work and this broken and battered man was made whole again. For the first time in my life, I am responsible for myself and my actions. That is a very novel concept in this life of a formerly homeless man.
14 comments:
This was a tale of pure inspiration, Andrew. For others who think they can't change their life's circumstances, you've shown that that's just not true. Talk about getting out a rut--you got to the top of the mountain in comparison. Every day, no matter how mundane, is a triumph, right? You are living an authentic life, every day, with daily struggles, and you come out on top. I'm smiling.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Having been homeless too a few times, I know exactly what you mean! :) I too feel bored sometimes and have to restrain myself from running off to the wild blue yonder, but I'm so proud of myself for acting in a responsible manner which enables me to offer my child a decent life...
How can I say this with out it sounding completely wrong...Ok, here it goes.
Taking care of one's self in a responsible manner sounds so matter-a-fact, but it is really not, not for all of us...
So I admire you even more for what you've achieved, because you didn't need a child to make you more responsible. You learned to do this by yourself, for yourself. Does that make sense?
I hope when my child is grown, I will have learned to value myself enough to continue being a responsible person for my own sake. Just as you are doing right now. :)
benefit of a home: Being able to make a Sunday breakfast, drink some coffee, sit in your arm chair and watch the news with your pets in the warmth of your apartment(or house)...
Thank you, Andrew, for your honest words.(-:
This is definitely a perspective of homelessness that no one sees. It's so enlightening and interesting to read your vantage point Andrew.
This post got me thinking. You need to be heard, you need to be read, by the country. You are fascinating and wonderful and the people in this world could benefit from reading your life. Then, my thoughts shifted. No, you need to be preserved and protected from the world, from the mass commercialism that could fall upon you if you reached a certain level of fame. I couldn't stand to see that happen to you. I want to keep you for myself, so to speak.
I realize my thoughts are far fetched, but you are just the type of person that could reach the masses and be promoted because of your writing talents and tales of life. I could see you on the Today show and 20/20 and Dateline. You could do so much good, but I don't want to see you "out there" like that. I don't want see you commercialized and exploited.
I know, I'm being a little out there... but that is just how I see things sometimes. My point is, you are a treasure and I want you to stay that way.
... yep! I truly believe a book would make wonders....
but then... as dramamama said, the drawbacks could be great too.... Ha well.....
:-)
Laurent
I usually go camping in the cascades mountains for one-week a year. Sometimes I do feel like just not coming back to civilization. I know how to survive in the wilderness, but hot showers just feel so good and I would eventually miss the contact with my firends and family.
NICE POST DUDE!! Speaking for myself, yes , home ownership is hard and raising a family is even harder. That's when you have mouths to feed and clothes to put on their backs. The bills don't stop coming in. It's easy to think about just throwing all respnsabilties to the wind. But when I think of the consequences I just could never do it.
The Homeless Guy is still blogging. Man. I remember reading his blog thinking what a sugarcoated version of homelessless it was. Then again, if he wrote he smoked a stomne and drink a quart it wouldn't help his Pay Pal donations.
Reading and loving what you write.
I was forced into discovering the world of blogs in a way that is not worth sharing. I have little experience with them but have formed a relatively low opinion. I thought them to be dangerous places that could easily ruin peoples character should the author chose to do so (and one did). Hence, www.boomaction.blogspot.com is my lowbrow intro to the blogging community. But as I randomly read through some others I came across your entries and I’ve found a new appreciation for blogs. I will probably never have one of my own but if you don't mind I would love to drop in from time to time on yours. Andrew, great stories and life reflections!
All the Best
Andrew:
Your thoughts are crystalline, honest, frank, and with integrity. I wonder how many of us mortals have that capacity to look at the interior life from experience and from a contemplative perspective such as the one you are doing. You made my view of surviving and struggling richer, fuller, more courageous. Mahalo.
This is a post full of insight Andrew. You have done really well travelling to where you are now, from where you were then.
Congratulations!! Keep up the good work.
:)
proud.
yes, I know, I have said this before
Thankfully I have never been in that position although I did come close to it onetime.
Personally I think you have and are doing pretty good now mate and with the things you have done since a big cheer is in order for yah from me at least well done mate from Australia
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